#metoo

#METOO

I was a child the first time a person touched me without my consent. It was in kindergarten, then in primary school.
The boys would grope the girls, they even had a game where they'd go around slapping our asses and breasts; and they'd sneak in the female bathrooms and look at us whilst we used the loo. I never used the school's WC during the six years of primary school.
We told the teachers. We told them multiple times.
'They're boys' 'That's what boys do' 'Come on stop exaggerating'!

Then came secondary school. Boys kept on groping girls. But now it was even worse.
I remember once a few boys had circled me and were trying to lift my top. I was holding on it for dear life. But I was lucky. I was fat you see and so I was considered ugly. Therefore, that and a few other times where I had my ass slapped were the only instances of sexual harassment during secondary school for me. The thin pretty girls had it worse. I should be grateful. Right?

During highschool things got on a different level. You see, now girls were young women -or were expected to be- but boys were still boys, only with testosterone and access to porn (a.k.a false depiction of how sex works).
I can't tell you how many times I got cornered by my male classmates. They were trying to touch my breasts and my ass. I was always quick and escaped. I got away from highschool with only a few gropes and having my underwear pulled a few times (it was my fault I was wearing cute underwear and having a big ass after all, right?). Other female classmates of mine didn't have my 'luck.' they had their underwear and bras pulled constantly, some had been groped even underneath their clothes without their consent. And we were all under 18 years old...
I remember as a teenager I was dating a guy for sometime. One day he wanted to have sex. I didn't. If I hadn't started crying he himself told me he'd have gone for it -even though I had said no. He'd have raped me.

During all this time, and even though I was and looked under 18, men still hit on me on the street. Men still catcalled me. Some of those men were old enough to be my father or grandfather.

Thankfully, when I was in uni I was respected as a female and a human -for the biggest part. None of my classmates ever tried to grope me, or harassed me. Apart from one. A guy who said I was pretending I didn't want to have sex with anyone (I was going through an asexual period of my life) to have men begging. I explained several times I was not pretending. He made extremely disrespectful remarks against my character.

During that time I was also in the club scene. Unfortunately, I have been groped more than a few times in clubs. I've been offered money for sex -even though I kindly explained I'm not a prostitute-, I've been asked to perform sexual acts -even though I said I wasn't interested- and I've been insulted every time I've said no. No matter how polite I tried to be (but why do I even have to be polite whilst rejecting someone?). Weirdly enough, I have even been groped on the street. And of course I have been catcalled  numerous times, and once I almost got into a physical fight with a guy who tried to corner me and then bullied me because I wasn't interested. Shall I even mention that I've been stalked in the past? Nah, that's not harassment, right?

I could go on and on, giving you examples of every time a man I was dating demanded I do things I didn't want to, and even tried to force me to do things I didn't want to. I could give you examples of all the sexist and misogynistic reactions I have gotten from men for not being interested -or not being interested anymore. From a man I didn't want to have a 2nd date with videocalling me for 4 years showing me his penis (to the point I had to change numbers in the end) to a man I rejected having a serious relationship with creating a fake page on a social media platform saying he was a prostitute who fucked me because he got paid to do so...

So yeah, you get it. A large number of the men I have encountered in my life (from men on the street, to classmates in school, to even men I have dated) demanded sex/attention etc. They considered I somehow owe them my body, attention, time and energy. Whilst they felt entitled to expect those things they never felt compelled to be polite or respectful.

Which makes #Metoo the most important hashtag of the year. Because my story is almost every other female's story. And many females have had it a lot worse than me. Many have been raped and even murdered.

If you're a man, please listen. Listen to our stories. Be an ally. When you see fellow men mistreating females intervene. Don't remain silent. Don't perpetuate unfairness and inequality.

To every female reading this: You're strong. You're worthy. You're amazing the way you are. You don't owe anything to anyone.

Thank you for reading.

☮️