Random Thoughts LXXXV - Art in late-stage capitalism

The art we consume nowadays is often produced by people who are not artists or creative themselves: people who didn't study art; people who didn't spend any time honing their skills or developing their craft... because they have none; people who don't care to educate themselves to develop their own aesthetic. They are people who have the money and/or the connections, but not necessarily artists. 

As a result, we're constantly fed art that was created with the purpose of maximizing profit. An artist craves to create. It is part of who they are. It is their life. It's not about making money. It's not about selling. Of course, they have to make a living, and they should be paid for their time, skill and materials. I understand. But, the initial reasoning behind becoming an artist is that you are an artist. That's the only way you can be. You have that innate need to express yourself via your creations. Sometimes, it's a compulsion even.

Since those who control the majority of the art we are exposed to are not innovative or creative, the art becomes part of fast food culture. No substance: quantity over quality. We must consume non stop. No time to reflect on the art, no time to analyse. No reason to: there is nothing to see beyond surface level. They don't care to challenge us. Their only concern is profit, and thus, they follow a safe formula to achieve it.

That approach skews our perception of what art and creativity can be. We didn't get the chance to develop our own personal aesthetic. Hence, we adopt whatever aesthetic we have been continuously exposed to as our own. We have been brainwashed to admire and accept bad quality art. It's all we know. Familiarity creates comfort. We end up asking for more of that which feels familiar. We are trapped in a sad cycle of being fed what we ask for, but then, we ask for what we have been already fed. And that applies to all forms of art, from literature to music, from film to painting etc...

The responsibility to break the cycle lies within ourselves, as we can't depend on those whose main motive is profit. The world we live in is a chaotic place; there is too much of everything. It can be difficult to navigate through the constant exposure to bad 'art.' It takes time, strong will and perseverance. Thankfully, the result is very well worth it. 

My hair. –Allow me to be sad–

 Today, something I dreaded happened. I had to have my hair cut short, very short. Ear length.

Now, I know that may not sound negative or of importance to you, but it for sure has been devastating to me.
Yesterday, I woke up with two terrible hair knots on each side of my head, and despite managing to untangle one them (losing a terrifying amount of hair in the process), even after 5 hours of trying almost everything you can think of, I gave up on the second one. So, I booked an appointment with a hairdresser for the next day (today).

"Kim, there's people that are dying" is a phrase that was turned into a meme, when Kim Kardashian was crying for losing her diamond earring into the ocean –it was found in the end. I'm not saying my hair is worth as much as a diamond earring, after all, it wasn't extracted from the earth using the exploitation of underprivileged humans, spreading false propaganda of rarity of said material to produce an overpriced product. What I am saying though, is that I know there's more important things than hairs, or my hair. Global warming, modern slavery, war, famine, poverty, social issues, terminal disease, heartbreak etc. etc. ... Hell, I myself suffer from things that are considered more severe than having to cut one's hair short.
Having said that, my feelings aren't any different. It is a loss, a loss I'm mourning for. I'm sad, and I feel shitty. To me, having longer hair was a choice I didn't take lightly. It's not easy to manage long curly hair, and I have cursed in frustration times aplenty, spending hours untangling it. The shortest I had ever gone was shoulder length, even when I had parts of my head shaved. Having longer hair made me feel feminine, playful, free; it allowed me to try different hairstyles, and it had become part of my identity. As a plus size woman (bbw, fat or however you want to call it) I felt that long hair framed my face better and complimented my figure. Moreover, being neurodivergent, when I felt overwhelmed –which is very often– I could always hide behind my hair.

As I mentioned on my Instagram story: I recognise that since I'm sharing things publicly, that can be misconstrued as an invitation for others to chime in with their two cents regarding my situation.
It is not an invitation.
The way being forced to have short hair makes me feel is not negotiable and it is not to be diminished because "there's worse happening in the world." I am painfully aware of the fucked-up-ness that is going on in the world, but I don't see how prohibiting me from expressing –or feeling– my feelings is going to help with that. I did receive wonderful messages from people showing empathy towards my sorrow; I truly appreciate those. I also received messages from people judging my reaction or shoving toxic positivity down my throat. I did not appreciate those.
My feelings don't exist to be judged by you. No one is forcing you to follow my journey on any social media platform, you choose to do so by your own accord. You see the kind of person that I am: passionate, open, creative; I rant, I share my thoughts and feelings. I'm an artist, a mental health advocate, neurodivergent. If these things upset you, or make you feel uncomfortable, an unfollow is a click away. However, if you try to dictate how I should feel, how I should react to these things which hurt me –no matter how small they are (to you): I will not tolerate it.

There is a lot to be said about a society that won't allow people to experience sadness even momentarily; a society always trying to distract us from feeling deeply, thinking deeply, and in general, a society emerged in superficial distractions, but this article was supposed to be about my hair. Or was it? 

The ugly truth about working in retail - My story

I haven't been posting here a lot these past few months, and the reason was that I got myself a full time job in retail. And that not only left me with no time, but also exhausted me physically, and sometimes even mentally.

I can't say too much about what I did or where I worked (you see, now they even include posting on social media in your contract), but I can tell you how fucked up the way this industry works is.

The Job

Around October time I decided it was time to come back to England. The first week of my return my partner told me he found out about a temp job offered at his workplace. I didn't think much of it, and attended an interview he had arranged for me. I got the job on the spot. My supervisor told me I was clearly overqualified for the position.
Originally, my job was quite straightforward and simple, very repetitive low level position. With time, and due to my abilities, the tasks I had to complete multiplied greatly, to the point of me training and assisting colleagues with their own jobs.
I started working there amidst a big shift in the company and the implementation of new systems and rules around its operation, and thus, a transitional period that found employees who had been there long before me struggling.
Me coming with fresh eyes and unaware of the past, along with my qualifications, meant I could adapt very quickly, which led to my job role entailing way more than I had been told at first, without an increase in my salary.

And it wasn't just me. A lot of people were required to do a lot more than they were paid for, but I will talk about that in a second.

The People

When I first started, everyone in my team was really sweet and kind to me. They were all so helpful and willing to respond to any of my queries. A few of my colleagues warned me against certain people on the first day though, and that left a very sour taste in my mouth.
With time I discovered a lot of the sweetness and kindness were an act. People wanted to make a good first impression. But as time passed I found myself involved in petty drama that I couldn't even fathom. Certain people didn't like my mediterranean temperament, or the music I listen to, or criticised the way I did my job (even though my superiors praised me constantly), or even what and how much I had for lunch.
A few of my colleagues even complained about me to my supervisor. Even colleagues I thought I was 'work-friends' with. My voice was too loud, I didn't remain quiet when someone talked down on me, and sometimes I used the word 'fuck.' And even though some of my colleagues could be loud as well, or sweared too, maybe it was the fact that I was not intimidated by anyone, ever, that irked them the most.
Thankfully, there were also kind and reasonable people working with me, and it was thanks to them, I had an overall positive experience.

The Company

From what I had heard, the company used to be a very positive environment to work at, and took good care of its staff. However, after it was acquired by a larger corporation, and then, after a new CEO was appointed, things started going downhill.
Mass redundancies, a plethora of job role changes, zero employee consideration, less worker rights, new rules, more rules, more technicalities, and a lot less logic or cohesion.
One of the most frustrating things was that the vast majority of higher ups had absolutely no clue of how the business operated. They supposedly knew how to manage us all (and shout commands and demands), but they did not know what our jobs entailed, or how, practically, things got done.
Therefore, us 'lower level' staff had to constantly explain certain processes and even demonstrate, for them to be content and leave us alone.
Moreover, due to all the redundancies, current staff had to take on the roles of the people made redundant, without a salary increase or a bonus, which meant you got paid the same, but had to do a lot more. And that seemed to be a pattern within the company.
I am not going to go into how disorganised and unreasonable the way the company operates was, as I'm sure that is a common denominator in many companies.

The Threat

One day, my supervisor told me to go to my manager's office. There, there was my manager and another person. They told me there was this great opportunity for me, the Head of Operations had handpicked me and created a position just for me. It would be great for me, provide me with experience and knowledge in so many other things, and help me to evolve professionally.
I was very flattered, but also felt something was a bit off. My manager was really pushing for me to take this job. I was given less than 24 hours to give a response, but then had no one approach me to request my response.
I wrote down a list of questions in regards to the position, and two days later my manager arranged for a meeting for us to discuss the details. Bottom line was that this position, which was newly created (and I would be the first person to ever have it if I accepted), entailed a lot more roles and tasks than the position I was currently holding, yet the salary was the same. They also wanted to keep my contract and my job role the same, and if after my temp contract expired they wanted to offer me a permanent position, only then the job role would change on the contract, but the salary would remain the same. On top of that they would expect me to work on weekends, which was something I didn't have to do before.
As you may expect, I very kindly declined the position. There was no reason for me to take a job with more responsibilities and change departments for such little money. Two days after I declined the position my manager wanted to talk to me. We had a private conversation and I was basically told that if I didn't accept this new position, my contract would not be renewed as we had agreed upon. My contract was supposed to be extended for 3 more months. I very calmly explained that that was blackmail and I would not succumb to threats. Both my supervisor and my manager had told me for months that my contract would be extended. HR was aware of that fact as well. Funny thing was, most of our HR staff had been made redundant, and the HR person who had been in charge of my case did not work for the company anymore.
So, even though I explicitly told my manager if my contract wasn't renewed I would take action and seek justice, I knew that would be extremely hard to do, as it would be my word against a whole company.


...To be continued...

Corporate Uncomfortable

The company I work for is trying to revamp itself and so, they created a video with key-points of the company's future, goals and expectations.

All employees are required to watch the video along with a powerpoint presentation. Today was my turn to attend to the session.

At the end of it, we were separated in groups and told to share our thoughts. We were clearly stirred towards sharing our positive thoughts -even though it was supposed to be a feedback 'workshop.'

Most people were saying how they loved the video, how clear it was, how positive it was, blah blah blah.

All I could think of was that we watched a 20 minute video of three extremely well dressed white people, with high positions reading from a teleprompter. You could tell by the movement of their eyes. It was all rehearsed, it was all acted out. No true meaning behind their words, merely repeating words appearing in the monitor.

These words, however, aimed at 'brainwashing' us and used the power of suggestion to promote certain behaviours or thoughts. The words 'proud,' 'community' and 'inspiration' were repeated constantly.

What struck me as awkward was that a filthy rich white man was talking about community, being part of the local community, and a second later he was saying we have to reduce our discounts to increase profit.
I wanted to scream at the screen "You have no fucking clue what community is you entitled prick!"
It's like seeing a warlord preaching about peace.
Oxymoron doesn't even begin to describe it.

What struck me as unacceptable though, was that there were only white people on the video. Even when they were showing ads relevant to the company, not even once was a POC featured.

And thus, when they asked us for our opinion, I mentioned that there wasn't enough racial diversity on the video. The two middle aged white men who are higher-ups in our division and were part of our team started mumbling "What do you mean?" "Can you explain this?" and they looked terrified.
I told them "I mean there were only white people on the video, we need more diversity as a company."
And even though they shook their head, supposedly agreeing with me, when they time came for all teams to share bullet points of their opinions, mine was painfully ignored.

I also dared ask them about the 'inspiring the community' part of the pretentious speech on the video, and they referred to charity (a.k.a giving away money that will be a tax right off), but absolutely no interactive activities provided by our company for the local community.

Basically, they want to be an elitist 'club' for the rich, all the while pretending to care for the local community by doing the bare minimum to prove said 'care.'

And unfortunately, this is how most corporations operate.

Welcome to the real -capitalist- (dystopian) world...

A friend with multiple sclerosis

Today I found out that a family friend is in the hospital.
This person was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when he was 20 years old. Now he's around 50.
He started walking with a cane first, then he couldn't walk at all, and this past year he lost his ability to use his hands.
Now he can only move his head.

I'm very shaken by these news.

What infuriates me is that the doctors at Evaggelismos Hospital -which is a public hospital- demanded money to operate on him and treat him (which is illegal and is called 'fakelaki') and that the secretary in charge of appointments delayed his treatment for a year because she wanted money as well (illegal too).

It's beyond unfair how capitalism has turned our society into a money obsessed monster, how even one of the noblest professions has long lost its true meaning.

People who work in Health are supposed to be caring, to be willing and happy to save lives. They're supposed to comfort the ill, to show them hope. I'm not saying they should do it for free, but money should never be the main drive behind choosing a profession that has helping people at its core.

Making the same mistake over and over again

I think most of the time people don't realise their own behavioural patterns, falling into a spiral, or a loop if you'd like.
Most of us can't disassociate and observe our own actions.
Changing one's approach is a hard thing to do.
Especially in a capitalist society where being mechanic and repetitive is promoted and being critical and unique is discouraged.
Even when creativity and thinking out of the box are promoted, it's within certain boundaries.

The first 11 days of the end of the world

A Creative Writing tutor said us, writers, shouldn't share too much on social media. We should limit our online presence, for fear of how what we write can affect our futures.

And even though I, too, recognise that as a blogger and youtuber, as an instagrammer and a person with relatively strong social media presence, I run the risk of revealing too much, I cannot help myself.

Because I have a natural urge to create art and share it with the world. Now, I may have also shared personal moments, but it was always was the greater good, so that others who may experience similar situations, do not feel alone.

Or I may have shared my views on politics, and the reality we live in.

But as an artist, as a creator, isn't that what I am supposed to do?
Artists are special -and magical- creatures, people who can create from scratch, in addition to being inspired by what happens around them.

And especially in times like these, when political instability and irrational governing threatens the very core of our humanity, it is my duty, as an artist -and a human- to create, to act, to speak up.

I am an emotional person. A person who can empathise. When others feel pain, I can feel their pain, I can understand their position.

So, to see that which has taken place in the past 11 days... I am devastated.

At first came shock. Then, denial. Then, acceptance. Now, depression.

At 28 years old, I have no hope for the future.
I strongly believe the world is so fucked up, that it cannot be fixed in one, two -or even five- generations.

It took a very long time for things to become the way they are now, and that cannot be undone so easily. If I wasn't weary of copyright, I would share a few poems I wrote these days, but oh well. Maybe in the future.

We live in financial slavery, in ill capitalism, in cultural imperialism, in environmental crisis, in severe inequality...

The world we live in is controlled by an elite. And that elite will do anything and everything to stay at the top of the pyramide.

Not sure we stand a chance against them, despite the fact that we are a majority.

And that is because there is another factor that plays a role in this: the ego.
Which can also cause stupidity and people to be stuck up in their ways and blinded.

Good luck to all of us my friends.

Good luck to the underprivileged, good luck to the ones belonging to marginalised social groups, good luck to the ones who aren't brainwashed zombies and suffer due to the knowledge...

And good luck to us surviving by the rule of the ignorants, who -very unfortunately, make decisions for the rest of us...

The machine

So I was thinking the other day about the machine.
The machine being capitalism, combined with patriarchy, consumerism, and all those negative schools of thought that make the world we live in extremely uncomfortable for me.

But then I had an epiphany. We created the machine. We have created all those things that make this world be significantly shitty.
We, human race, created capitalism for example. And even though it was created with good (?) intentions it became corrupt, and evolved into a monster. 
And that monster took control.

The system is in control of the majority of people on this planet. Very few chose to obey the system because it benefits them or because they're scared. The rest are controlled. Mindless little sheep without consciousness, intellectual zombies. 

So, the machine has taken control. Since the system is part of the machine and it keeps it going. 

We created something to better our lives (supposedly) and we managed somehow to give it its own consciousness and power, which in the end resulted in us being under control.

It's ridiculous. 

However, the power of the machine is tremendous at this point. To the extend where it's extremely hard to escape being part of the machine. But then again, if you succumb to the machine and play by its rules, whilst trying to deceive the zombies that are controlled by the machine, you can be extremely successful. 

Of course that means you have no morals. But maybe you do, since morals are subjective. 

Who cares? When your survival is on the line, you do you. 

Or not? 

The eternal dilemma. You or the world? What matters the most?

Personal against global.

If I started studying philosophy maybe I'd have had an answer to my internal battle already. Maybe not.

Well, I just woke up so that's enough thinking for now. 

Good morning.

"Never Change"

"Never change"

I've heard this from many different people. Especially from people I've met for a brief period of time and we knew that we'd never see each other again.

Some people have applauded my kindness, generosity and empathy.
They insisted I need to always be myself and continue the legacy of good deeds I have started.

But recently I have had a change of mind.
For a long time I believed in prioritising others no matter how much it hurt my life.
Thankfully, a few years ago I realised that that was wrong and it made my life really hard. So then, I needed to decide which people deserved me prioritising them and to what extend. This has been a very hard process. Unfortunately it left me with a bitter aftertaste when I asked the question: "Would they do the same thing for you?" and more than often the response was "No."

All those years I have helped numerous people. With important and unimportant stuff. During hard and easier periods of my life. I had gone above and beyond to help certain people.
Very rarely did I hear "Thank you" from those people. Very rarely was there any type of reward, any type of gratitude or recognition, any type of "returning the favour." Now I know what you'll all think. When you help someone you don't do it to get something back. Some of you may even say that karma, the universe, god or whatever will return the favour to you. I don't believe in karma or god, and I've seen for myself that giving, transmitting positive energy and all that, doesn't come back to you. That's all bullshit told so people don't lose hope and jump off a cliff.
Life is unfair. Evil people succeed. Those without morals are at the top of the pyramid, and the rest of us are financial slaves, struggling to survive.

I have come to the conclusion that humans are inherently evil and immoral. But then, if that is the norm, wouldn't being evil and immoral be moral? Maybe. I'm no philosopher, nor do I want to be one, so that's something for you to argue and figure out.
But my personal opinion is that humans like to be superior than their fellow humans. They love controlling others and even have sadistic tendencies.

Also, humans are creatures of habit. If you're nice to them, they get used to it. Then they take it for granted and don't appreciate it. Whereas if you're always bad to them and you're nice once in a blue moon, they appreciate it more. Yes, the human brain is distorted. Or maybe it isn't.

For a long time I have also being doing "the right thing" even when it actually hurts me personally. But I always considered the greater good or being ethical more important than my personal gain, comfort etc. Did anything good come to me out of that ethical behaviour? No. Nothing at all.

I look around me and I see talentless people, people with no real passion, being billionaires -or trillionaires. And I see geniuses, artists, people with a vision, struggling to survive.

Now, I am an artist, I used to have a vision, and I'm inherently good. My instinct is to do good. However, I can't be successful if I continue to be the way I am. Because in the capitalist world we live in, kindness and goodness are never rewarded. Visions, unless they bring financial profit, aren't appreciated. Artistry, unless it brings financial profit, isn't appreciated.

I want to be a successful person. I have lived my life as a poor person, and I can assure you it ain't fun. It's not fun to always have to think about money. It's not fun when you can't even afford to go to the doctor, let alone go clothes shopping or enjoy any luxury. It's not fun to work your ass off and not get paid for your work, whereas your employer makes shitloads of money off your work (and still underpays you).

And here comes the dilemma: Do I change, do I become evil to seek success or do I continue to suffer in poverty?

I can't be evil. That is just the way I am. I can be vicious if someone treats me unfairly though. I can be vengeful. And society has treated me very poorly. So over the past couple of years I have started changing. Very slowly, but I am changing. That's what society does to you. That's what capitalism does to you. That's what other humans do to you.

In a world where everything is about money, where kindness and goodness aren't appreciated and sometimes are even looked down upon, your only option is to toughen up and play the game.
Because the game isn't going to change anytime soon. So it's either becoming part of the problem to ensure a comfortable survival or living a miserable life holding on to your hope that this world is going to change.

And I... I actually have zero hope.

Random Thoughts XXXIX

You scrolling through your facebook timeline is just another form of consumerism.

Random Thoughts XXXIII

So people need law to tell them what is wrong because without the fear of punishment people -supposedly- would just steal and kill etc (let's not mention that in today's society law is a mechanism that enforces capitalism, let's just refer to the old core of law before corruption consumed the human soul).

People also "need" religion telling them to be nice (exclude homo/trans/polyphobia, misogyny, sexism etc) because without the fear of going to hell or the fear of their soul not being saved or whatever, they'd just be assholes to each other.

I oppose both concepts.
I don't need anyone to tell me that I shouldn't kill, steal or hurt another creature.
I don't need someone to threaten me to be nice and decent.
I don't believe in law and I don't believe in religion. I do what I believe is right, always respecting myself and others.

And I call that common sense.

So, if you don't have common sense, and you need either law or religion to force you to be a decent human being, what does that make you?