2024. New year, same me: My thoughts on 'change.'

2024. 

I've seen a lot of posts writing "New year, new me" circulating social media. I've been thinking about people's need to change, or their need to announce their intention to change. If you feel there is a reason for you to change, it makes sense to try to motivate yourself to achieve the change. Maybe you're  reconsidering your approach to life; maybe you want to work on how you react to things; maybe you want to be a better person (whatever that may mean to you, e.g. becoming kinder/more self-aware/straightforward etc.). Whatever the reason might be, if you feel a change within is the solution to living a better, more fulfilling life, go for it. 

In my case, I'd say, it's "New year, same me," as I don't want to change who I am. I have worked – and I am still working – very hard on finding my true self and living authentically to her. Am I perfect? No. Have I reached self-actualization? Absolutely not. There's a lot more room for improvement and I got a very long way till I reach my 'full potential' as a human and a person. However, I don't want to become a new person. I am very happy with my core, my values, my ideologies, and the way I see the world. Does that make me suffer more than most, due to being 'very sensitive' or 'paying too much time and attention' to people's bad actions (whether targeting me or others)? Yes, 100%. But, the alternative doesn't interest me: apathy is a disease to me, and maliciousness is even worse. I don't want to 'change,' because I live my life respecting others, considering their needs, being empathetic and understanding to their circumstances (when applicable) and trying to do good, overall.

Do I think the world we live in must change, instead, as it is a cruel and toxic place to be? Yes, indeed. Solidarity, respect, empathy, education on social issues, human rights – to name a few – should be taken for granted, instead of many of us having to fight for them on a daily basis. Right? I guess, to me, that's right. Except, what I came to realise is that to some, that's not right. It's a matter of ethics and morals, which despite certain standards set and defined by laws and unwritten social rules, can be highly subjective. Therefore, there's not much I can do about others' ethics and morals, especially when the law or their environment allows them to hurt others without consequences. I can try to talk to them and/or disrupt their bad actions (when possible), but I can't be the one to punish them, or force them to change their ways. Change has to come from within or be enforced by the relevant systems, after all.

I'm going to leave you now, paraphrasing Arleen Lorrance's quote on change, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Another goodbye, another future

 It's that time again, the time I hate to say goodbyes.

I have been living between Athens and London for over ten years now.

Before that it was Athens and another city for a couple of years.

Living between two cities/countries is not an easy thing to do. It can be extremely rewarding, considering all the people you meet, all the diverse friendships you form, but it can also be tremendously painful, when you form strong bonds with people, only to have to leave again. 

You lose track of people's evolution, lives and journey. Sometimes, you even lose track of your own journey.

This summer, I was standing in front of a very scary crossroad. I had just came out of a long term relationship, had barely made it through quarantine, had been accepted to study my second masters, had no job and had just moved into a new place after seeing 31 properties.

I had -and still have- no fucking clue how everything would -and will- play out. The insecurity and fear stemming from the global pandemic isn't helping either. The only thing I knew was that I will be in Athens for a month. A month-long holiday to heal, recharge and indulge in familiarity and comfort. 

This month has been one of the best months of my life. I haven't had such an amazing summer since 2013. It was all I needed and more. I had the space and time to be free, the opportunity to re-discover parts of myself and the joy of welcoming old fragments of my soul that I considered long lost. 

My friends and loved ones embraced me as always, a warm cocoon giving me the opportunity to once again go through change, and in the end come out as a new creature, ready to face the world again.

I was lucky enough to form new friendships and have wonderful new people come into my life.

I am forever grateful to the people who surround me with positivity, love and respect. I am able to move forward because of you. 

Thank you,

Lara 

You can't change the world

So, tonight, a stranger messaged me on a social media platform to give me advice.

Apparently he saw my comment under an article/post and he came into conclusions about how I live and how I should live my life.

His message looked something like this:
"I see you waste your time on things you can't change, letting them affect you and consume you. Why bother when you can't change the world? Just accept things are bad and move on. I apologise if my advice is unwanted, but I saw your comment somewhere and I took the liberty of messaging you."

I didn't respond to him, nor do I plan to.

Why?
You may ask.

Because his advice was unwanted and flawed.

1. I don't need anyone mansplaining how I should and shouldn't live my life.
2. He was a stranger, not a friend, not family, not a loved one. So his opinion on how I live my life doesn't matter.
3. But above all, he said that I should tolerate injustice (as I'm sure I know which comment he was referring to; it was a comment under a misogynistic meme). He said I should tolerate injustice, because I can't change the world.

Well...

Dear Stranger,
Watch me as I change the world.

I may not change it drastically, but I will change it -even a little bit.

Every person who reads my blog, every person who watches my videos, every person I have ever had a conversation with, I had an impact on. On some less, on some more. Nevertheless, the level of the impact is irrelevant, as what's important is the impact in itself.
Because that little seed I planted will slowly blossom to chain reactions that one day will cause a bigger change. Hopefully a positive one.

So, when you tell me that I can't change the world, I have one thing to say:

I already have.


Your trully,
L

"Never Change"

"Never change"

I've heard this from many different people. Especially from people I've met for a brief period of time and we knew that we'd never see each other again.

Some people have applauded my kindness, generosity and empathy.
They insisted I need to always be myself and continue the legacy of good deeds I have started.

But recently I have had a change of mind.
For a long time I believed in prioritising others no matter how much it hurt my life.
Thankfully, a few years ago I realised that that was wrong and it made my life really hard. So then, I needed to decide which people deserved me prioritising them and to what extend. This has been a very hard process. Unfortunately it left me with a bitter aftertaste when I asked the question: "Would they do the same thing for you?" and more than often the response was "No."

All those years I have helped numerous people. With important and unimportant stuff. During hard and easier periods of my life. I had gone above and beyond to help certain people.
Very rarely did I hear "Thank you" from those people. Very rarely was there any type of reward, any type of gratitude or recognition, any type of "returning the favour." Now I know what you'll all think. When you help someone you don't do it to get something back. Some of you may even say that karma, the universe, god or whatever will return the favour to you. I don't believe in karma or god, and I've seen for myself that giving, transmitting positive energy and all that, doesn't come back to you. That's all bullshit told so people don't lose hope and jump off a cliff.
Life is unfair. Evil people succeed. Those without morals are at the top of the pyramid, and the rest of us are financial slaves, struggling to survive.

I have come to the conclusion that humans are inherently evil and immoral. But then, if that is the norm, wouldn't being evil and immoral be moral? Maybe. I'm no philosopher, nor do I want to be one, so that's something for you to argue and figure out.
But my personal opinion is that humans like to be superior than their fellow humans. They love controlling others and even have sadistic tendencies.

Also, humans are creatures of habit. If you're nice to them, they get used to it. Then they take it for granted and don't appreciate it. Whereas if you're always bad to them and you're nice once in a blue moon, they appreciate it more. Yes, the human brain is distorted. Or maybe it isn't.

For a long time I have also being doing "the right thing" even when it actually hurts me personally. But I always considered the greater good or being ethical more important than my personal gain, comfort etc. Did anything good come to me out of that ethical behaviour? No. Nothing at all.

I look around me and I see talentless people, people with no real passion, being billionaires -or trillionaires. And I see geniuses, artists, people with a vision, struggling to survive.

Now, I am an artist, I used to have a vision, and I'm inherently good. My instinct is to do good. However, I can't be successful if I continue to be the way I am. Because in the capitalist world we live in, kindness and goodness are never rewarded. Visions, unless they bring financial profit, aren't appreciated. Artistry, unless it brings financial profit, isn't appreciated.

I want to be a successful person. I have lived my life as a poor person, and I can assure you it ain't fun. It's not fun to always have to think about money. It's not fun when you can't even afford to go to the doctor, let alone go clothes shopping or enjoy any luxury. It's not fun to work your ass off and not get paid for your work, whereas your employer makes shitloads of money off your work (and still underpays you).

And here comes the dilemma: Do I change, do I become evil to seek success or do I continue to suffer in poverty?

I can't be evil. That is just the way I am. I can be vicious if someone treats me unfairly though. I can be vengeful. And society has treated me very poorly. So over the past couple of years I have started changing. Very slowly, but I am changing. That's what society does to you. That's what capitalism does to you. That's what other humans do to you.

In a world where everything is about money, where kindness and goodness aren't appreciated and sometimes are even looked down upon, your only option is to toughen up and play the game.
Because the game isn't going to change anytime soon. So it's either becoming part of the problem to ensure a comfortable survival or living a miserable life holding on to your hope that this world is going to change.

And I... I actually have zero hope.

Random Thoughts XXXX

I'm extremely conflicted.

On one hand, I strongly believe there is absolutely no hope for humanity.

On the other hand, due to my character I can't stop fighting for equality and fairness.

It's hard to give up sometimes.

But what happens when -whatever you do- things don't change?