Rant: Needs & Wants

All my life I've prioritised the needs and wants of the people I loved.

That has caused me much grief and misery over the years. But I thought I had to do the 'right' thing, to be the bigger person. Even when it'd cause me to suffer.

Recently, for once, I asked a person I love to consider my needs and wants before theirs.

It didn't happen. Once again, my needs and wants were ignored.

So, I'm angry. I'm infuriated. I'm enraged.

And you know what? Fuck them.

Fuck every person who has been inconsiderate to me when I've always tried to be there for them, when I've always done my best to give them what they want and make them happy.

Fuck that.

To deserve me at my best, you have to be able to handle me and support me at my worst. The same way I've supported you and handled your situations.

You can't have it all. You can't only want the positive and shy away from the negative moments of a person's life. A person you supposedly, a person you allegedly love.
Be it friendship, a love relationship, or even a child-parent relationship.

Morning Thoughts

So the person who cleans our flat is having another tantrum today, banging the hoover on the floor, slamming doors and making as much noise as she possibly can. Many times when she's having a bad day she will make noise on purpose, knowing that some of us sleep, and/or she won't clean properly (actually, she never cleans properly). She's a great example of a person who wants to ruin someone else's day because she's not happy.
I've been observing for years, that many of the people I randomly encounter on the street/shops/public transport/etc. have the same mentality as her: "Since I hate my life or since I'm having a bad day, I will take it out on other people -even if they have nothing to do with my situation- or I will try to make other people miserable because no one should be happier than me."
This mentality and behaviour is one of the most harmful elements in human thought and behaviour in my opinion. Because it perpetuates misery and recycles negativity, hate and aggression. But this also stems from the inability of humans to recognise their true enemies. The person whom you took your anger out on the tube isn't your enemy. That person isn't responsible for your misery. You are responsible for your misery, and possibly the system, economy etc. So to target a random individual is harmful and irrational. I'm not saying that people can't piss you off. Of course, they can. And sometimes you do have to tell people off on the tube, in a shop etc. if they're doing something that disrespects you, hurts you or obstructs you from what you are doing. But that is very different to taking out other issues you have on random people.

Random Thoughts XXXXVII

Sometimes you realise that you can just not tolerate anything else.
You have surpassed that point that used to be your limit by far, and even the smallest things can become triggers to send you off the edge.

And I'm at that point now, where I've taken too much bullshit, I've been too under appreciated, I've had to put up with too much ungratefullness, I had to survive obstacles on a daily basis, I had too many health implications, I had too many bad things happen to me constantly, and in general:
I've had enough.

Yes, I've had enough.
So from now on, get ready. This summer is going to be explosive.

Random Thoughts XXIX

December didn't start off well.But then again neither did any other month of this fucking year.And here we go again, right at the end of the year reminiscing about past years, saying how much better our life was and how much hope we have in the new year...No mofos. I have no fucking hope for the new year.It's probably gonna be even worse than this fucking year. Which is hard, but still doable.So fuck all.

Random Thoughts XVIX

Some people are just not worth it.

Worth your anger, your rage, your. . . any reaction.

Do not give them the pleasure of recognising their pitiful existence in any way. 

Ignore the fuck out of them.

Now breathe and eat some pretzels.