Halloween Song

Happy Halloween! 🔮⚰👻🎃

Here's part of my song 'Halloween Song' to celebrate:

"I think there is a ghost in my room

During the night it wanders

Dancing shadows creepy sounds are on the loose

I can see outside my window shining spiders

In my room there is a spot that feels too cold

Even when the heating works full power

What I’ll tell you might seem bold

But sometimes I feel I’m not alone

Even when in my room there is no other

Creepy, freaky little sounds

Make my heart pound even faster

I’m a helpless little mouse

Waiting for my own disaster"

And here's a LINK to the video of me performing it a long time ago!

Neverland

Since it was my birthday the other day, I decided to gift you a snippet of a poem I wrote about a month ago.

For the past few years I get pre-birthday melancholy during the month of my birthday, October (which is funny considering it's also my favourite month and I love Halloween, but hey! I'm a walking contradiction).

And so, here it is -partly:

'Neverland'

"Life’s already sad and boring; you’re not even thirty-one

Now you have to be so careful, and to bring food to the table

Pay those bills, have a career, and no option to give up

Always pretending you know what you’re doing, heart shut

Rude awakening leaves you wishing you were Peter Pan

Always young, forever young, eternal youth in Neverland"

Mysticismlover does Wordpress

I recently found out that I am being targeted on other social media platforms besides Youtube.
I'm not going to mention the whole Youtube fiasco again, it's done. My channel is gone.
However, someone is trying to eliminate my online presence for some reason.

Thus, leaving me no option but to try to get on as many social media platforms as possible, to ensure that my work doesn't get erased and my online voice silenced.

And because Google has proven to me that it's not trustworthy at all, I decided to also publish a lot of my blog posts on Wordpress.

You won't find a lot of the personal stuff I post here in there, as this blog is my sanctuary, and I enjoy that it's more cosy and less exposed. You will also not find product reviews and Hauls there, as I think my blog is more appropriate for those.
But you will find snippets of my art there and it also functions as a backup, just in case this blog gets deleted by Google.

Pregnant Persons Vol. 2

Sometime ago I wrote an article about the Health Sector referring to pregnant persons as "pregnant people" instead of "pregnant women." You can find it here.

Today, I read an article standing against the use of "pregnant people" to refer to anyone who is pregnant. Read it here.

And here follows my response to that article:

I don't see how using the term "pregnant people" to be inclusive of trans men, non binary, intersex and genderqueer persons "shifts the focus away from gender as a means by which female bodies are controlled and problematises bodies themselves."
We all know that to become pregnant you need a female reproductive system.
We also know that the majority of persons on this planet who have female reproductive systems are cis females.

The author claims "I sincerely doubt that anyone thinks people with wombs have the word “FEMALE” imprinted in their bones," which I find ignorant to say the least. Unfortunately, many people out there have no idea what the difference between sex and gender is, and don't even recognise trans, queer, intersex and non binary folks' existence. Transphobia/queerphobia exists and it's dangerous.

She also says "It’s a way of using language to create the illusion of dismantling a hierarchy when what you really end up doing is ignoring it." How is the hierarchy ignored by being inclusive of trans men, queer, intersex and non binary persons? We know that persons with non female reproductive systems usually make decisions affecting persons with female reproductive systems. That doesn't get erased because we use the term "pregnant persons." 

Towards the end she states that "In order to address this we need to talk about women as a class. Gender-neutral terms limit our ability to do this." Does she forget that trans men belong to a marginalised social group? That even though they may benefit from male privilege in their everyday life -if they are 'passable'- they face horrific discrimination from medical professionals and in other fields? And what about gender queer, non binary and intersex folks who are marginalised as well, and also suffer from discrimination in almost every aspect of their lives? These people often have their whole existence devalued and not recognised by the state. Many times their health is compromised because the Health Sector won't even try to accommodate their needs. What about them as a class? They actually face more discrimination than women, and have a higher possibility of being raped or murdered. "Pregnant persons" whether referring to women, trans men, queer, non binary or intersex persons still refers to classes which are not at the top of the pyramid, which are not -often- given a place in decision making on their own reproductive health. 

If the author's aim is to see this issue through the prism of sociology, if "The pregnant body is not an isolated, solipsistically self-defining object. It exists in time, within a specific social, historical and political context," she also has to recognise the nature and synthesis of today's society. 
This is the era of lgbtqai+ revolution, it's the time when we try to be more inclusive, more accepting, and more aware. It's the era when feminism is intersectional and no longer restricted to what happens to cis females.

Another 'Birthday Melancholy' Post

I think it's turned into a tradition, me being depressed and miserable on the month of my birthday (and in general -don't be fooled- but October is even worse) and sharing that negativity with you.
Which is funny (?) and bizarre, as I actually love the month of my birthday. It's the spooky month after all, the month of Halloween. It's also when the unbearable heat of the summer dissolves and I can finally wear makeup without having to worry that my face will melt.

But every year same old story: I think about my life, what I have not accomplished, especially compared to my peers, and how sucky my life is. I also get paralysed by my time and death phobias and generally experience an avalanche of negative thoughts.

So, for this year's menu we have:

• Career failure (or shall I say absence?)
• Health Issues 
• Uncertainty of own future 
• Lack of motivation/goals
• And of course, asking if this life is worth living

Above all though, I reminisce the year that has passed, and what has happened during it.

Let's see...

I received my MA degree; two of my best friends moved out of London; I lived in a house with the worst housemates I've experienced so far, being bullied and attacked constantly; I got a good -and hard- part time job for which I was underpaid; I had severe financial issues -some of which were due to being underpaid; I had my second year anniversary with my lovely boyfriend; my health problems escalated to the point where I had to quit my job leave UK -and my lovely boyfriend behind; I had issues with my computer which cost money to fix, and weren't fixed properly either; my health kept -and still is- deteriorating; a family friend died; and the icing on the cake, universe's birthday present to me, YouTube deleting my channel (for details on that read this, this, this, this, but above all this).

Yeah. Doesn't sound too good, right?

And here I am, contemplating if I can handle another year like the previous one. Every year my sole wish is that the following year won't be as bad as the previous one.

E.g. Last year, just before I turned 28, I was in despair. I had gone through hell. From struggling with my Masters degree, to suffering financially, to having my macbook stolen from my room in Uni Halls -whilst I was in the building-, to being severely cyberbullied, to almost being physically assaulted by a catcaller...

So, my sole wish was for my 28th year on this planet to not be as bad as my 27th year.

Nope. It somehow managed to be worse. Way worse.

Since I remember myself, with the exception of very few years, each year has been worse than the one preceding it. And we reached that point where that terrifies me.

Because, if my 29th year is even slightly worse than my 28th year, it will be more than I can handle. My 28th year has already surpassed my coping levels, which resulted in me being bedbound for almost 4 months. 

I know there's not much I can do about this. We have no control over our futures, and sometimes not even over our present actions resulting in those futures -depending on the circumstances. Therefore, I know that there's no way to predict nor control the unknown, my future. 

And that my friend is hard to come to terms with, especially suspecting the amount of suffering I'll have to go through. 

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to prepare for the storm that is coming. I know it's coming. I just hope this year will spare me, even a little bit, and this time my 29th year won't be as bad as my 28th. Even a little bit better is a lot better to me.

I can only hope at this point after all...

Mysticismlover YouTube Channel: Update

I'm not sure how many people from those following my YouTube Channel know about my blog, but just in case any of you are reading this, I'm compelled to write it.

Today, after 2 weeks of making an appeal towards YouTube's unjust decision to remove my channel, YouTube responded.

So, it is final. It is over. I have lost 10 years worth of work, 100+ videos.
I am heartbroken, I am sad. But above all, I am angry. I am angry AF.

I received an automated bot response. They didn't even have the decency to email me what exactly it was that I did/said which violated their guidelines.

You know why?
Because I did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing.

If you do some research you'll see that lately YouTube has fucked people over monetisation. People have lost thousands of dollars, since YouTube apparently let's algorithms and bots do all the work.

I did some research on false/unfair account removals and I found thousands of testimonies on Google. Thousands. Some dating back to 2013.
Go ahead, check it out. A sample can be found here.

I am disappointed and extremely tired at this point.
I've fought with everything I had to get my channel back, but I give up.

You see, I had a small channel and my voice didn't matter. My followers didn't matter to YouTube.
I didn't monetise my videos, didn't even allow on my channel, so YouTube made 0 money off of me.

Did I get punished for that? Did I get punished for not making money to YouTube? Or was it the trolls who flagged my videos that are to blame? Maybe a bit of both.
Between the faulty YouTube algorithms and the hateful trolls flagging me, as a small YouTuber, I stood no chance.

But you haven't seen the last of me. I am planning my resurrection, or shall I say my rebirth.

Mysticismlover Rebirth will come to you soon.

And when it does, it will be through a platform far more reliable and fair than YouTube.

See you soon!

Attitude Clothing 2nd HAUL

A few weeks ago I made my second Attitude Clothing order. 

This time it took less than three days to process and ship.

From the time it was shipped it took less than ten days to arrive to my door. 

Not bad considering the order was placed from Greece.

So what did I get this time?

First thing I got is the METAL AF Lip Gloss in Cherry Pie by Medusa. I always wanted to try this brand, so I was ecstatic to get my hands on one of their lip glosses. It's a dark reddish/brownish metallic that dries matte and doesn't come off. It is quite drying though. It cost €9 and it's got 6ml in it. Not bad, but not great either. The applicator is a bit bizarre though and you got to work the product to get it right on your lips.

7/10

Next, we have another brand I've been keen to try, Lunatic Cosmetic Labs. I got their popular Cream Lip Slick in Coven. Beautiful unique greige colour, creamy and lightweight. However, you get 6ml for €14.50, which I personally find extremely expensive. The applicator is the standard applicator. This colour will actually look amazing on pink/neutral pale skin. I've been looking for a very long time to find a colour like this, without yellow undertones.

7/10 (if it was cheaper it'd get a better grade from me)

I've been dying to dye my hair a colourful hair again, and I've been feeling like blue lately. I was browsing through different brands and blue dyes and Sapphire by Crazy Color spoke to me.
It was €8.89 for both (cheaper than any other online or physical store I've found so far). I didn't bleach my hair, but it was a light reddish brown from previous bleaches and dyes. The colour came out as a dark blue, and darker green in some spots (where my roots were). If your hair is bleached it'll probably come off as a lighter blue. But it's awesome that you don't actually have to bleach your hair to get a hint of colour on it.

7/10

I wanted to get a mug since teas season has arrived. I feel in love with this witchy treat. It also came in a cute eco-friendly box. It was €5.56 which is fair. The colour has faded in certain spots, but I don't mind it that much.

7/10

I also got myself some Stamford incense sticks. For anyone who doesn't already know, Stamford is my all time favourite brand for incense sticks. If you want details on my favourites check here.

10/10




I also got myself a little transparent pouch for my pencils etc. It cost €2.22. It's adorable, but stinks. No joke. The smell is intense af.

5/10


I grabbed myself a little Black Agate necklace for €5.56, which isn't bad at all. I have to say it's tiny though and the string it comes with is cheap.

7/10





Last, but not least is the Nemesis Now Health Spell Candle by Lisa Parker that I bought myself. It cost €6.67. It's quite small, has an aloe vera scent and includes a little health spell.

7/10






Overall, I'm quite happy with my order. Shipping was over €17, however, I had around €13 on my account since they refunded my faulty ring, plus a 10% discount, so I didn't mind the expensive shipping, as I didn't really have to pay it. I do believe they need to do something about the shipping cost for non UK orders though, because it's way too expensive. I'm sure there's a way to get it to under €10.

#metoo

#METOO

I was a child the first time a person touched me without my consent. It was in kindergarten, then in primary school.
The boys would grope the girls, they even had a game where they'd go around slapping our asses and breasts; and they'd sneak in the female bathrooms and look at us whilst we used the loo. I never used the school's WC during the six years of primary school.
We told the teachers. We told them multiple times.
'They're boys' 'That's what boys do' 'Come on stop exaggerating'!

Then came secondary school. Boys kept on groping girls. But now it was even worse.
I remember once a few boys had circled me and were trying to lift my top. I was holding on it for dear life. But I was lucky. I was fat you see and so I was considered ugly. Therefore, that and a few other times where I had my ass slapped were the only instances of sexual harassment during secondary school for me. The thin pretty girls had it worse. I should be grateful. Right?

During highschool things got on a different level. You see, now girls were young women -or were expected to be- but boys were still boys, only with testosterone and access to porn (a.k.a false depiction of how sex works).
I can't tell you how many times I got cornered by my male classmates. They were trying to touch my breasts and my ass. I was always quick and escaped. I got away from highschool with only a few gropes and having my underwear pulled a few times (it was my fault I was wearing cute underwear and having a big ass after all, right?). Other female classmates of mine didn't have my 'luck.' they had their underwear and bras pulled constantly, some had been groped even underneath their clothes without their consent. And we were all under 18 years old...
I remember as a teenager I was dating a guy for sometime. One day he wanted to have sex. I didn't. If I hadn't started crying he himself told me he'd have gone for it -even though I had said no. He'd have raped me.

During all this time, and even though I was and looked under 18, men still hit on me on the street. Men still catcalled me. Some of those men were old enough to be my father or grandfather.

Thankfully, when I was in uni I was respected as a female and a human -for the biggest part. None of my classmates ever tried to grope me, or harassed me. Apart from one. A guy who said I was pretending I didn't want to have sex with anyone (I was going through an asexual period of my life) to have men begging. I explained several times I was not pretending. He made extremely disrespectful remarks against my character.

During that time I was also in the club scene. Unfortunately, I have been groped more than a few times in clubs. I've been offered money for sex -even though I kindly explained I'm not a prostitute-, I've been asked to perform sexual acts -even though I said I wasn't interested- and I've been insulted every time I've said no. No matter how polite I tried to be (but why do I even have to be polite whilst rejecting someone?). Weirdly enough, I have even been groped on the street. And of course I have been catcalled  numerous times, and once I almost got into a physical fight with a guy who tried to corner me and then bullied me because I wasn't interested. Shall I even mention that I've been stalked in the past? Nah, that's not harassment, right?

I could go on and on, giving you examples of every time a man I was dating demanded I do things I didn't want to, and even tried to force me to do things I didn't want to. I could give you examples of all the sexist and misogynistic reactions I have gotten from men for not being interested -or not being interested anymore. From a man I didn't want to have a 2nd date with videocalling me for 4 years showing me his penis (to the point I had to change numbers in the end) to a man I rejected having a serious relationship with creating a fake page on a social media platform saying he was a prostitute who fucked me because he got paid to do so...

So yeah, you get it. A large number of the men I have encountered in my life (from men on the street, to classmates in school, to even men I have dated) demanded sex/attention etc. They considered I somehow owe them my body, attention, time and energy. Whilst they felt entitled to expect those things they never felt compelled to be polite or respectful.

Which makes #Metoo the most important hashtag of the year. Because my story is almost every other female's story. And many females have had it a lot worse than me. Many have been raped and even murdered.

If you're a man, please listen. Listen to our stories. Be an ally. When you see fellow men mistreating females intervene. Don't remain silent. Don't perpetuate unfairness and inequality.

To every female reading this: You're strong. You're worthy. You're amazing the way you are. You don't owe anything to anyone.

Thank you for reading.

☮️

YouTube has a bug

My channel is still deleted.

On another note, I did some research and found out YouTube has done the same thing they did to me to thousands of other Youtubers, most of the time to small channels.
There are so many fora posts on that it's insane. Some date back to 2013.
Some people didn't even have videos, so it didn't even make sense to delete their channels. 
Also, when I logged in, before I found out my channel was deleted, YouTube told me there was suspicious activity on my account, and I had to give them my phone number to send me a text to log in. 
But I had already done 2 step verification (meaning to log in I had to use my password and get a text with another pass on my phone), so I thought that was normal.
However, everyone who had their account deleted got the same 'suspicious activity' notification and were told to log in using 2 step verification (even those who hadn't arranged for that).

So I may have gotten flagged by trolls, but I also think there's a bug on Youtube when it comes to getting flagged and strikes.

I don't get how a huge corporation and social media platform like YouTube haven't sorted such things, like, they have millions of users, having the same bug for 4 years and not fixing it is unacceptable!

My Youtube Channel has been removed

On Tuesday a video of mine got flagged by a few people.
Then I got a strike.

After 3 hours, I updated the description of another video of mine, informing my subscribers of what had happened.
That video got flagged and I got a second strike.

Today, the strikes were removed as I had been falsely reported.

During that time I had made all of my videos private, to prevent those targeting me from reporting my content.

Then, when my strikes were removed, I made my videos public again.

Within an hour, another video of mine got flagged and I got a strike. After 10 minutes another one. After 5 minutes another one.

My channel got removed.

I have spent over 10 years creating content for it. And that content isn't saved anywhere. So if my channel is lost, so is all that work, all those videos.

I know those horrible, those evil people targeting me are trying to silence me.
They are petty, they are cowards.
They don't dare show their faces.

I don't understand how anyone can be so hateful towards a person they've never met, to put so much time and effort into destroying them.

I pity them. They are sad.

And the truth is, they will never be happy, because their souls are dark, and miserable.

If you are someone who was following my channel (Mysticismlover), if you enjoyed my content, please, help me get my channel back. Let Youtube know they have made a mistake.
I will be forever grateful for that.