The Song

Do you ever listen to a song that reminds you of someone

– Maybe a song they loved –

To feel close to them?

To get a glimpse of a memory, a moment you were happily together?

Do you ever listen to a song that reminds you of someone

– Maybe a song you enjoyed listening to together –

And break down in tears?

Because you know that the music they loved is the only thing you have left of them?

Do you ever listen to a song that reminds you of someone

– Maybe your song –

And feel your heart being ripped out of your chest?

Because every time you listen to it, you realise you’re one step closer to losing them forever?

Heartbreak

How do you continue living after heartbreak?

What are the steps to move on?

Many people have asked me the above questions over the years.

Most of the time I told them to try and distract themselves and that with time they'd be able to move on.

But some even though they tried to follow my advice couldn't move on after years.

So now, when people ask me... I tell them to just try to take care of themselves.
I tell them to see a therapist. I tell them to try and focus on surviving each day.

Because that's the most honest and realistic advice I could give.

Life Game

In the academic year of 2011-12 (3rd year of my bachelors) I wrote a song inspired by the work I had done for my Independent Project.

That project entailed me interviewing people about pain and their memories of pain, whilst filming them, and then creating an avant garde piece of music and film. 

Which I did, and it was great.

In the meantime though, this project inspired me to write another song. 'Life Game'

I don't often go back and re-read or refer to my lyrics, but the following lyrics are depressingly relevant to this moment of my life:

"Pain is loss, pain is rejection

Pain is when you can’t find affection

Pain is racism, pain is bullying

Pain is when your heart is bleeding

Pain is physical, pain is mental

Pain is you on a misery spiral

Pain is shame, pain is blame

Pain is you not being the same?

Confessions of a Rotten Heart (6)

I like that I smell badly. I haven't showered in days.
I like that I look like a mess. I didn't care what I was gonna wear or how I was gonna look like.
I like that my eyes are red from crying and my lips swollen from biting them.
I like that I look so miserable that if I saw me on the street I would pity me.
I like that I'm listening to darkwave while crying for him.
I like it that my pain is so obvious and apparent that it can't be ignored.