International Women's Day

(Image Source: https://www.staffnet.manchester.ac.uk/news/display/?id=29403)

Today is International Women's Day.

I won't be wishing us Happy International Women's Day, though. I'll say stop discriminating against us, disrespecting/shaming/raping/murdering/abusing us, instead.

Oh, and a kind reminder that trans women are women.

Now that I got this out of the way, I want to talk about a specific quote I see people share every year on this day: "Here's to strong women. May we know them. May we be with them. May we raise them."

 
I find this quote highly problematic for the following reasons:

-Women shouldn't have to be 'strong' to be appreciated and celebrated. The notion that we always have to be strong, to persevere and rise above puts us on the pedestal, which then 'justifies' unrealistic and unfair expectations of us. We're not superheroes, we're human beings. The expectation of 'strength' also makes it harder for us to feel comfortable asking for help when we need it, resulting in us suffering in silence or alone, which of course works in patriarchy's favour. Because, as long as we keep our pain and suffering to ourselves, we don't 'disrupt' and we're isolated, the patriarchy can keep doing its job of oppressing and controlling women. And lastly, what has 'strength' or being 'strong' been associated with in our society - typically? Masculinity and men. Being vulnerable is mostly - typically - associated with femininity and women. I'm not going to analyse why these stereotypes are bullshit; but, I do want to ask this question: why is it that even on a day dedicated to women, we're expected to act like men to be respected and celebrated? 

-All women and femmes should be celebrated on this day, regardless of their perceived 'strength' or lack of. Excluding a group of women/femmes from their own day is, well... Kind of anti-women.

I understand that many people sharing the quote do it with good intentions, and I appreciate those intentions. However, I'd like to invite you to consider the deeper meaning of what you share and its wider implications.

Another day in patriarchy

So, after a very very long time, I got a mango iced tea from starbucks. I sit on a bench by myself and start enjoying my drink.
A guy passes me with his bike, stops, looks at me and the conversation goes as follows:
-Can I sit here? (it was the bench next to mine)
-Sure you can.
I put my mask back on, as I took it off whilst I sat on the bench, since no one was around.
-I don't have corona you know. I'm immune to it.
-Good for you.
-Can I talk to you?
-No, sorry, I'm busy. (I pretended to look on my phone)
I had already started to feel uncomfortable because he was staring at me the whole time, so I put my phone down and started dissinfecting my hands.
-Did you finish what you were doing? Can we talk now?
-No, sorry. I'm leaving.
-Can we meet again?
-No.
-Why?
-Because I don't want to.
-Why?
-I don't have to give you a reason
-Yes you do!
-No, I don't. Bye.
-Have a good evening. We may meet again!
-You too and no.

And that's how my mood was ruined and I couldn't enjoy my iced tea.

Feminist Loneliness

I've had a mostly feminist ideology since I was a kid.
However, I started consciously calling myself a feminist about five years ago.

Being a feminist meant that I couldn't turn a blind eye anymore, and I had to practice what I preached. That resulted in the ending of friendships and companionships, and also blocking/deleting a lot of acquaintances on social media. Not to mention the online arguments. Oh, the online arguments! What a toll did those take at me!
During that journey, I felt and hoped I could find support and sisterhood in feminist pages.

I could not have been more wrong.
My first ordeal was with a very well-known USA feminist page. I got chewed up and spat like a chewing gum pretty quickly. You see, USA feminists more than often are not very knowledgeable on European politics and culture. At least not as knowledgeable as European feminists are on USA culture and politics. And with that came a lot of ignorant comments and responses towards me, and consequently, a lot of hate. And so I left.

Then, a few years back I discovered a few feminist pages from my home country. I cannot begin to describe to you the relief, the peace I found through these pages. I had to leave one of them as the responses were too aggressive to my liking. Aggression seemed to be a common denominator on the responses in most pages I've been (feminist or not), and it is something that makes me very uncomfortable. Nevertheless, my desperation to find a feminist nest urged me to ignore certain aggressive outbursts as long as they weren't directed at me (how hypocritical, I know), and as long as they were not a daily issue. But then, what should I do when the admins/page followers start having an attitude towards me as well? Or when the aggression and rudeness becomes an everyday thing, a pattern? There's not much to do I guess, apart from leaving.

And here I am, not part of any community again, a lone feminist, too feminist for society, and too 'soft' for feminist circles.

Sex isn't meant to be painful for women.

Sex isn't meant to be painful for women.
If something makes you feel uncomfortable or in pain, and the person you're having sex with doesn't care, that person is an asshole, and possibly a rapist.

Stop telling women that sex is supposed to be painful for them.
Stop telling women that they exist to fulfil men's desires and sexual appetite. 
Stop telling women to 'suck it up' and 'just do it.'

Women owe you nothing. They don't owe you pleasure, sex or anything else.

Abortions bans. USA.

Following the news of the inhumane and monstrous abortion bans in USA, my heart is heavy.
Prioritising a fetus, a parasite (because when an organism is depended on a host it's a parasite) over a developed human, is unthinkable.
And since persons who can carry children have uteruses, it is inherently misogynistic to ban safe and accessible abortions.
Your religion or political beliefs do NOT give you the right to control other people's bodies, to force them to put their health and even lives in danger to give birth by force.

And if any of you are anti-abortion, please do me a favour and stay away from me, as I will not associate myself with those who support policing other people's bodies.

Colleague's infuriating entitlement

When people feel uncomfortable they usually turn into spoiled children. Or even worse, aggressive adults.

It takes someone who self-reflects and constantly works on themselves to face and move past their discomfort.

But that someone is not my colleague.

Yesterday, there was a conversation at work about a colleague who goes hunting. The conversation was instigated by an older lady (who loves drama). She knew I would respond, not only because I am a vegetarian, but also, because I love animals.

And I did respond, jokingly. I made comical exaggerated loud declarations against hunting, laughing. I mentioned the cognitive dissonance that is loving animals, but also not only eating them, but hunting them. Indeed, I am against hunting, but I recognised work isn't the place to talk about it seriously.

At the time, I was laughing, my co-workers were laughing... But our team leader stepped in to say that talking about dietary preferences is taboo and we shouldn't talk about it. I explained that I was joking, and of course, I accept everyone's dietary preferences regardless of whether I agree with them or not.
I didn't make anything of it, and no one showed to be uncomfortable or offended.

Now, the colleague I was joking with (or so I thought) is a person that has confided in me, a person who I have good banter with, teasing each other; but he also makes inappropriate jokes, and more than often misogynistic, homophobic, and overall, politically incorrect remarks. During these 'jokes,' I have politely -or using humour- tried to show him he needs to stop. Meaning, we were on that level of familiarity.

Today, sometime after I arrived at work, my team leader had a meeting with all of us, asking us to respect each other's preferences, and not bully each other. Extremely surprised, I asked if he was referring to me and my colleague, and looked at my colleague and asked him 'You know we were joking yesterday, right?' My colleague looked away, and right then I knew something was wrong.

My team leader spoke to me in private to inform me my colleague filed a complaint, because he felt the previous day the volume of my voice was offensive.
Mind you, I am a mediterranean woman, and that means I speak loudly, especially when I'm joking. And all my colleagues know and have experienced that multiple times.

I was not only in shock, but I was also infuriated. My colleague, a 59 year old man, snitched me to our team leader, and didn't even try to speak with me or express his discomfort before talking to my superior. The betrayal. He pretended to not have any issue with me, and then, immediately after he left work, he texted the team leader to complain, and even threatened to contact our manager. The hypocrisy. I'm lucky the team leader is a reasonable person or else I would be in serious trouble.

The irony and unfairness of it all...
The colleague who makes politically incorrect 'jokes' was offended by the volume of my voice, when I'm the one of two people in that department who actually care about social issues and being mindful of others.

I have been told that my colleague has shouted at women at work, called them idiots e.t.c. Yet, he was offended by the 'volume' of my voice.

How privileged can you be, and how entitled, that you feel 'threatened' by a mere joke that makes you feel uncomfortable -even though no one's insulting you-, when you're constantly offending every marginalised social group without a second thought?

How immature can you be to create drama at your workplace, for what?

Another colleague mentioned that I may have spoken some truth, which made him feel uncomfortable, and so he felt he had to attack me in some way. By putting me in a position where he shows his power, by punishing me for challenging his core beliefs and possibly making him feel guilty for his actions.

As if it's anyone else's fault but his if he cannot live his life in harmony between his beliefs and his actions.
Isn't it nice to be able to pin all your mistakes on others, and deflect, turning your guilt into toxic behaviour that hurts others?

A co-worker I'm close with pointed out it was the fact that a female raised her voice at him (or so he thought) that infuriated him.

Who knows...

All I know is I'm keeping my distance and blocking being engulfed in this kind of negative energy.

Older Men

I am 29 years old.

During this time I have more than often observed (or been the recipient of) older men either discretiding, disrespecting or feeling entitled over -mostly younger- women.

Older men many times feel the urge to instruct women on how to do things they already know how to do, or feel entitled to explain things about women issues to us, as if they -who have never been women- know better. There is actually a term describing this behaviour: mansplaining.

Other times, older men feel that they deserve more space, physically and verbally. They feel that they matter more and they make a point of showing it to us through their behaviour.
I cannot tell you how many times older men have ignored me in conversations, how many times they have tried to erase my presence or how many times they have shown discomfort, or even anger, for the fact that I might take more physical space than them.
I cannot tell you how many times they have demanded I remain silent, and have gotten infuriated when I didn't; especially when I voiced a different opinion to theirs. And those times when my argument was stronger, they lost their shit. They tried to crush me similarly to how you try to squish a mosquito who just bit you. Like an annoying (yet not dangerously serious) threat. However, when they saw I was more persistent and withstanding than a mosquito, they expressed rage.

I'd dare say it's as if they believe the world belongs to them, and we should all obey their biddings and agree with their opinions (even when they're extremely hurtful and harmful towards us).

I -unfortunately- cannot tell you how many times I had been catcalled by middle aged men as a teenager. I do not think I can describe the horror and disgust I felt when men my dad's age -and older- made it clear that they lusted after me, a child. But they felt entitled to it. They somehow, for some unthinkable reason, decided it was OK to show sexual attraction towards an underage girl who could have been their own daughter. As if I was theirs to take; as if I wasn't my own person.
Weirdly enough, the older I got, the less harassment I received from men over 40. I guess I turned too old -or too independent- for them.

In the past few years I became even more outspoken, and I completely dispelled the 'older man myth.' In other words, the notion that I should succumb to the logic that older men are on the top of the human pyramid. Because even if they are -and sadly they have placed themselves there- I will not accept that and, I will not bow down to anyone. I am an independent entity who supports equality. Screw pyramids, we need more circles.

Interestingly enough, the more apparent my 'I won't respect you if you disrespect me merely due to you being an older man' behaviour became, the more vicious and aggressive older men were towards me.

And you know what? I don't give a fuck.
I am not afraid to be myself, I am not afraid to stand my ground, I am not afraid to oppose you when you're wrong.
And if you don't like that, older man well, you can do one.

"You're not feminine"

Yesterday one of my driving theory classmates said I'm not feminine because I don't wear high heels and I don't speak a certain way. I got angry at him and told him I disagree. He insisted that I don't dress feminine and my mannerisms aren't feminine. Apparently to him, femininity is correlated to being a bimbo.

The notion that there is only one specific expression of femininity bothers me. Being feminine doesn't stem from your fashion choices. It is deeply rooted within you as a person, it's part of your character and personality (and of course it is irrelevant to your gender). Whether and how you choose to express it isn't a necessary indicator of it.

Can we all please stop being brainwashed by the media's (and social media's) projection of femininity and masculinity? Can we all please stop restricting ourselves when it comes to our feminine and/or masculine expression? Can we stop letting toxic and harmful generalisations and stereotypes define us? Lastly, can we stop judging others by our standards, and respect that every individual is different and has the right to be respected for the way they would like to be perceived?

Equality

Equality means equality.

As a feminist, I don't want society to be a pyramid.

Everyone should be given equal opportunities, everyone should have free access to healthcare and all levels of education, and everyone should feel free to be of any faith, or no faith.
Everyone should be respected and respectful by default.

Race, ethnicity, ability, disability, mental health, gender, biological sex, sexual orientation, appearance, age, religion (or lack of) should all be irrelevant.

Random Thoughts LXXII

It’s not a coincidence how many movements and ideologies that benefit humanity (feminism, veganism, ethical consumerism, body positivity etc.) are presented as one-dimensional and catholic. Nor is it a coincidence how activists of any kind are generalised, presented through exaggerated caricatures.

It’s because positive change is feared -and more than often doesn’t benefit the ones in power- and thus, mocked or presented through a prism of malicious intentions.

Revenge Porn

A couple of days ago, Rob Kardashian decided it was a good and fair idea to post nude pictures of his ex, Black Chyna online.
Apparently she was (and I'm paraphrasing): having sex with multiple guys in the house he paid for, with the body he paid for, did drugs using the money he gave her, and all that when their child was in the house.
He slutshamed her routhlessly, posted explicit videos and pictures of her on Instagram and went on a rant telling us the financial and other details of their relationship.

Now, this isn't a first time Rob K is disrespectful and demeaning towards women (remember his slutshaming towards Rita Ora?).

I understand that this man is suffering from depression, eating disorders and some sort of agoraphobia. He may also be suffering from other things we aren't aware of.
But that doesn't excuse his behaviour.

Of course it's infuriating when your ex is moving on in life, and if she did actually do drugs and have sex with their child in the house, that's unacceptable. Not sure if she cheated on him as he says, as I was under the impression they separated sometime ago.

However, if that is the case, you gather evidence and give it to a lawyer. You don't expose your ex's naked body on social media for the whole world to see.

When someone is sending YOU a picture, this picture isn't intended for the whole world to see (unless stated otherwise by the sender).

We all suspected Chyna used Rob for his money. I mean, it doesn't take an astrophysicist to see that her getting pregnant so early was way too convenient.
Many claimed she was a golddigger.

Nevertheless, no one, NO ONE, should ever be victim of revenge porn. And when you expose graphic material that your ex had sent YOU when you were together, that is revenge porn.

My understanding is that the state of California has laws against revenge porn in place, so Rob K may actually face time (depending on how good his lawyer is and who Kris Jenner knows).

And I do believe he deserves to serve time.
Men need to stop using a woman's body to degrade and humiliate her.

I once saw men in a thread saying that once you send a picture to someone it's your fault if it goes viral.
Well, no. Because if you're in a relationship, you trust that your partner isn't an asshole and a scumbag who will use your intimate moments to hurt you.
Even if you're not in a relationship, it should be expected that men have the decency to delete pictures of women they are not currently seeing, or at least keep them private forever.
Otherwise, what's your message? That no man can ever be trusted? That all men would use revenge porn to hurt an ex?
I would like to believe that this is false. Not all men are assholes and not all men would do what Rob did.

So, if you're a man and you see your friends, acquaintances, relatives etc. supporting revenge porn in any way, or degrading/slutshaming/hating women you need to take a stand. Don't let them think it's ok.

Way too many women and femme persons have been traumatised forever due to revenge porn. Some even lost their lives.

To sum up, on one hand I feel bad for Rob, as he was financially and emotionally exploited. But on the other, I feel he lost his right to complain or demand justice the moment he used revenge porn and slutshamed Chyna.

What a woman does in her sex life is no one's business. So to use slutshaming and revenge porn (knowing the horrific backlash it will have on her) is a crime.

In my opinion Rob should have contacted a lawyer to settle this, rather than act like an entitled misogynist brat.

I feel extremely sorry for their child, Dream, as she will have to deal with all this in the future, and that isn't healthy for a child, or anyone, to have to deal with.

Funny fat girls

I see a lot of fellow fat ladies thinking they have to be funny; they have to perform all the time to blend in. And so they force themselves to do so. It seems there is this notion that since we're fat, our only option to be attractive in any way is to be funny. Nope. You don't have to feel the need to 'perform' and be 'funny' because of your weight. You are a valuable, and sexy and attractive person regardless.

There is no need to feed into a stereotype "she's not hot, but she's funny." You can be fat and hot, and if you're funny that's great as well, but you don't have to force yourself to make jokes and entertain people. And for the love of me, you don't have to make fat jokes aimed at yourself to show people you're funny; to prove you can 'fit in.' I've seen many times fat gals making fun of themselves, to the point where I wanted to cry at all the mean things there were saying. You don't have to make fun of yourselves to be cool. You don't have to use horrible and traumatising language aimed at yourself to be accepted. And if the people around you make you feel like you have to do those things, then you need to kick those people out of your life. Lastly, please, don't let movies be your example about how you should dress and behave as a fat person. Media's portrayal of fat people is inaccurate and harmful. They play into toxic cliches and stereotypes that either ostracise fat people or don't give them space to be themselves to exist in society.

The first 11 days of the end of the world

A Creative Writing tutor said us, writers, shouldn't share too much on social media. We should limit our online presence, for fear of how what we write can affect our futures.

And even though I, too, recognise that as a blogger and youtuber, as an instagrammer and a person with relatively strong social media presence, I run the risk of revealing too much, I cannot help myself.

Because I have a natural urge to create art and share it with the world. Now, I may have also shared personal moments, but it was always was the greater good, so that others who may experience similar situations, do not feel alone.

Or I may have shared my views on politics, and the reality we live in.

But as an artist, as a creator, isn't that what I am supposed to do?
Artists are special -and magical- creatures, people who can create from scratch, in addition to being inspired by what happens around them.

And especially in times like these, when political instability and irrational governing threatens the very core of our humanity, it is my duty, as an artist -and a human- to create, to act, to speak up.

I am an emotional person. A person who can empathise. When others feel pain, I can feel their pain, I can understand their position.

So, to see that which has taken place in the past 11 days... I am devastated.

At first came shock. Then, denial. Then, acceptance. Now, depression.

At 28 years old, I have no hope for the future.
I strongly believe the world is so fucked up, that it cannot be fixed in one, two -or even five- generations.

It took a very long time for things to become the way they are now, and that cannot be undone so easily. If I wasn't weary of copyright, I would share a few poems I wrote these days, but oh well. Maybe in the future.

We live in financial slavery, in ill capitalism, in cultural imperialism, in environmental crisis, in severe inequality...

The world we live in is controlled by an elite. And that elite will do anything and everything to stay at the top of the pyramide.

Not sure we stand a chance against them, despite the fact that we are a majority.

And that is because there is another factor that plays a role in this: the ego.
Which can also cause stupidity and people to be stuck up in their ways and blinded.

Good luck to all of us my friends.

Good luck to the underprivileged, good luck to the ones belonging to marginalised social groups, good luck to the ones who aren't brainwashed zombies and suffer due to the knowledge...

And good luck to us surviving by the rule of the ignorants, who -very unfortunately, make decisions for the rest of us...

Dear tattoo magazines

Dear tattoo magazines,

Please stop sexualising the females on your covers and spreads.
Your audience comprises of males for the biggest part. But that is because you keep on choosing to be disrespectful towards females.

The way you portray tattooed females implies that all tattooed females are 'whores,' 'kinky,' 'dirty,' always wear revealing clothes and don't mind showing their tattoos. That is harmful.

Even though there's nothing wrong with a female being promiscuous, kinky or wearing revealing clothes, there shouldn't be a connection of those attributes to tattooed females by default.

You also need to teach your audience to stop touching tattooed females -or anyone for that matter- without their permission.

My tattoos aren't an invitation for anyone to grab my arms or touch them.
My tattoos aren't an indication of my sex life, my intelligence, my career path etc.
My tattoos -along with their aesthetic and meanings- are personal, and I choose if and when to display them, and whom I will let touch my skin.
I'm sick and tired of tattoo magazines being so 'macho' centric, that all they do is cater to harmful toxic masculinity demands and expectations.

Femme

To every femme person out there:

You don't have to be 'feminine' to define as femme.
There's no one way to be feminine; don't let the media fool you.
You define your own femininity.
Never feel as if you have to abide by certain rules to be able to describe yourself as femme.
Because you don't.

Victim Blaming

I would like to talk briefly about victim blaming.
Victim blaming has been integrated in our society to such an extend, that even a judge will ask a rape victim what they were wearing.

What people need to know is the following:
A rapist/abuser/harasser is not provoked by their victim.
Whatever the victim does/says/wears is irrelevant.

The rapist/abuser/harasser has the tendency/desire/need to abuse/harass/rape for the following reason(s):
-They feel entitled to the above mentioned behaviours. Yes, they feel they have the right to rape/abuse/harass you
-They feel you are lower than them, and you should be their submissive
-They don't see the abuse as abuse, the rape as rape, the harassment as harassment. They see them as fulfilling their sexual needs (ofc ignoring you and your consent), venting off, communicating etc
-They are sadists/narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths

There may be more reasons behind their behaviour, but I think you get my point.

We should never blame the victim, question their trauma or suggest their behaviour/appearance should be different.
This may cause great distress to a victim. And it's totally unnecessary.

So, if you're ever been a victim of any sort of abuse, harassment, rape... It's not your fault. It never was, it never will be.
You're a survivor, you're a strong person and it may take some time, but you will be ok.

ps. Please, when a victim is telling you their story: listen. Just listen.

This is an open letter to all the "feminists" and "activists" who have verbally abused me online:

To say that white people can never be part of a minority is extremely ignorant. Also whiteness isn't an absolute indicator of one's origins.
I'm sick and tired of people saying: "You're a straight cis white female, you have no right to talk about racism, gender etc". Guess what...
You don't know me. You have no right to make assumptions about me. You -falsely- presume what kind of person -you think- I am or what kind of experiences I have had.
Well, you guessed wrong.

The fact that in your eyes I'm a straight cis white female doesn't entitle you to mistreat me nor to shut me up.

What is whiteness? What does it represent?
Yes, I am pale as fuck. However, I come from Greece. Greece is a mediterranean/balkanian country with a variety of oriental influences. Did you know that I have been bullied for being pale because people didn't believe that I was a "real" Greek? Did you know that I received racism throughout my life for not being darker? No? Then stop making assumptions.
(When I complained to a 'feminist' page's moderators about the abuse I was receiving, they couldn't assist me because I don't come from a minority. But I'm a Greek woman living in London!)

What does being straight mean? What does it represent?
Yes, I have a boyfriend (that doesn't really tell you much about my sexual orientation btw). However, did you know that for the biggest part of my life everyone presumed I was a lesbian due to my appearance and behaviour and that I was on the receiving end of horrendous comments and behaviours?
Oh, you didn't know that? Then maybe you should stop making assumptions.

What does being cisgender mean? What does it represent?
Yes, I was born female, I look like a female and I -for the most part of it- identify as a female today. However, did you know that for a big part of my life I was suffering from gender dysphoria because I identified as gender neutral?
Oh, you didn't know that? Then maybe you should stop making assumptions then.

Moreover, apart from being straight, cis and white in your eyes, you should also see I am fat (as it's not very easy to hide that anyway).
Do you know how much fat phobia and fat shaming I had to put up with? Or maybe you choose to ignore this, you choose to ignore anything that can prove that I can suffer too, despite being a "straight cis white female".

Something that no one ever thinks about and no one mentions:
I have been suffering from mental illness since I was a child. Do you have any fucking clue what that means? The trauma, the confusion, the tremendous difficulties in surviving as a person who suffers from mental illness.
But I guess you presumed I'm mentally healthy because as a "straight cis white female" I have no right to suffer, right? Well, guess again.

I'm not saying that I haven't benefitted from white privilege. I'm not saying I haven't benefitted from passing as cis. I do acknowledge those facts. Nevertheless, to demean and devalue my whole life because of that, when you don't know what I had to go through is atrocious.
Especially when it's coming from so called "feminists" and "activists".
You don't know my story, so stop making assumptions about it.

Lastly, I shouldn't have to explain myself. I don't owe you my private information. I don't owe you my story to justify your respect.
You should respect me as I have respected you.

I have been on the receiving end of so much verbal abuse through pages that supposedly fight oppression that my mental health was put in jeopardy. I decided to step back from any hate filled page disguising to be about equality. Maybe some of you mistake equality for revenge.

Lara.

Females of the world

To any person who identifies as female:

-You do NOT need to get "dolled up" to be sexy, beautiful, attractive.

This phrase, "dolled up", is extremely harmful in my eyes.
Not only does it imply that you have to reach some unattainable standards of beauty (looking like a doll), but it also implies you are a doll, a toy and not a human being.
And by no means are you less of a woman if you don't get "dolled up".

-You do NOT need to fake being confident to attract anyone. It would be good to be confident for you, not for someone else. Because when you're confident you embrace your being and you feel comfortable in your own skin.

-You do NOT have to feel antagonistic towards other females. You do NOT need to be "prettier", "sexier" etc as this male dominated society forces you to believe. Plus prettiness and sexiness can be translated in different ways. Just be you and don't stress about how other people look like.

-You do NOT have to conform to that little box that patriarchy throws at you. You don't have to look a specific way, and you certainly don't have to try anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.You do NOT need to lose/gain weight, go under the knife, get botox/injections etc... You can if you want, but please do it for you not due to society's pressure on you. 

-Your femininity and how you express it is your business solely and no one has the right to dictate how it is manifested.

-You only need to do what you want to do for YOU!