Colleague's infuriating entitlement

When people feel uncomfortable they usually turn into spoiled children. Or even worse, aggressive adults.

It takes someone who self-reflects and constantly works on themselves to face and move past their discomfort.

But that someone is not my colleague.

Yesterday, there was a conversation at work about a colleague who goes hunting. The conversation was instigated by an older lady (who loves drama). She knew I would respond, not only because I am a vegetarian, but also, because I love animals.

And I did respond, jokingly. I made comical exaggerated loud declarations against hunting, laughing. I mentioned the cognitive dissonance that is loving animals, but also not only eating them, but hunting them. Indeed, I am against hunting, but I recognised work isn't the place to talk about it seriously.

At the time, I was laughing, my co-workers were laughing... But our team leader stepped in to say that talking about dietary preferences is taboo and we shouldn't talk about it. I explained that I was joking, and of course, I accept everyone's dietary preferences regardless of whether I agree with them or not.
I didn't make anything of it, and no one showed to be uncomfortable or offended.

Now, the colleague I was joking with (or so I thought) is a person that has confided in me, a person who I have good banter with, teasing each other; but he also makes inappropriate jokes, and more than often misogynistic, homophobic, and overall, politically incorrect remarks. During these 'jokes,' I have politely -or using humour- tried to show him he needs to stop. Meaning, we were on that level of familiarity.

Today, sometime after I arrived at work, my team leader had a meeting with all of us, asking us to respect each other's preferences, and not bully each other. Extremely surprised, I asked if he was referring to me and my colleague, and looked at my colleague and asked him 'You know we were joking yesterday, right?' My colleague looked away, and right then I knew something was wrong.

My team leader spoke to me in private to inform me my colleague filed a complaint, because he felt the previous day the volume of my voice was offensive.
Mind you, I am a mediterranean woman, and that means I speak loudly, especially when I'm joking. And all my colleagues know and have experienced that multiple times.

I was not only in shock, but I was also infuriated. My colleague, a 59 year old man, snitched me to our team leader, and didn't even try to speak with me or express his discomfort before talking to my superior. The betrayal. He pretended to not have any issue with me, and then, immediately after he left work, he texted the team leader to complain, and even threatened to contact our manager. The hypocrisy. I'm lucky the team leader is a reasonable person or else I would be in serious trouble.

The irony and unfairness of it all...
The colleague who makes politically incorrect 'jokes' was offended by the volume of my voice, when I'm the one of two people in that department who actually care about social issues and being mindful of others.

I have been told that my colleague has shouted at women at work, called them idiots e.t.c. Yet, he was offended by the 'volume' of my voice.

How privileged can you be, and how entitled, that you feel 'threatened' by a mere joke that makes you feel uncomfortable -even though no one's insulting you-, when you're constantly offending every marginalised social group without a second thought?

How immature can you be to create drama at your workplace, for what?

Another colleague mentioned that I may have spoken some truth, which made him feel uncomfortable, and so he felt he had to attack me in some way. By putting me in a position where he shows his power, by punishing me for challenging his core beliefs and possibly making him feel guilty for his actions.

As if it's anyone else's fault but his if he cannot live his life in harmony between his beliefs and his actions.
Isn't it nice to be able to pin all your mistakes on others, and deflect, turning your guilt into toxic behaviour that hurts others?

A co-worker I'm close with pointed out it was the fact that a female raised her voice at him (or so he thought) that infuriated him.

Who knows...

All I know is I'm keeping my distance and blocking being engulfed in this kind of negative energy.

Older Men

I am 29 years old.

During this time I have more than often observed (or been the recipient of) older men either discretiding, disrespecting or feeling entitled over -mostly younger- women.

Older men many times feel the urge to instruct women on how to do things they already know how to do, or feel entitled to explain things about women issues to us, as if they -who have never been women- know better. There is actually a term describing this behaviour: mansplaining.

Other times, older men feel that they deserve more space, physically and verbally. They feel that they matter more and they make a point of showing it to us through their behaviour.
I cannot tell you how many times older men have ignored me in conversations, how many times they have tried to erase my presence or how many times they have shown discomfort, or even anger, for the fact that I might take more physical space than them.
I cannot tell you how many times they have demanded I remain silent, and have gotten infuriated when I didn't; especially when I voiced a different opinion to theirs. And those times when my argument was stronger, they lost their shit. They tried to crush me similarly to how you try to squish a mosquito who just bit you. Like an annoying (yet not dangerously serious) threat. However, when they saw I was more persistent and withstanding than a mosquito, they expressed rage.

I'd dare say it's as if they believe the world belongs to them, and we should all obey their biddings and agree with their opinions (even when they're extremely hurtful and harmful towards us).

I -unfortunately- cannot tell you how many times I had been catcalled by middle aged men as a teenager. I do not think I can describe the horror and disgust I felt when men my dad's age -and older- made it clear that they lusted after me, a child. But they felt entitled to it. They somehow, for some unthinkable reason, decided it was OK to show sexual attraction towards an underage girl who could have been their own daughter. As if I was theirs to take; as if I wasn't my own person.
Weirdly enough, the older I got, the less harassment I received from men over 40. I guess I turned too old -or too independent- for them.

In the past few years I became even more outspoken, and I completely dispelled the 'older man myth.' In other words, the notion that I should succumb to the logic that older men are on the top of the human pyramid. Because even if they are -and sadly they have placed themselves there- I will not accept that and, I will not bow down to anyone. I am an independent entity who supports equality. Screw pyramids, we need more circles.

Interestingly enough, the more apparent my 'I won't respect you if you disrespect me merely due to you being an older man' behaviour became, the more vicious and aggressive older men were towards me.

And you know what? I don't give a fuck.
I am not afraid to be myself, I am not afraid to stand my ground, I am not afraid to oppose you when you're wrong.
And if you don't like that, older man well, you can do one.