Colleague's infuriating entitlement

When people feel uncomfortable they usually turn into spoiled children. Or even worse, aggressive adults.

It takes someone who self-reflects and constantly works on themselves to face and move past their discomfort.

But that someone is not my colleague.

Yesterday, there was a conversation at work about a colleague who goes hunting. The conversation was instigated by an older lady (who loves drama). She knew I would respond, not only because I am a vegetarian, but also, because I love animals.

And I did respond, jokingly. I made comical exaggerated loud declarations against hunting, laughing. I mentioned the cognitive dissonance that is loving animals, but also not only eating them, but hunting them. Indeed, I am against hunting, but I recognised work isn't the place to talk about it seriously.

At the time, I was laughing, my co-workers were laughing... But our team leader stepped in to say that talking about dietary preferences is taboo and we shouldn't talk about it. I explained that I was joking, and of course, I accept everyone's dietary preferences regardless of whether I agree with them or not.
I didn't make anything of it, and no one showed to be uncomfortable or offended.

Now, the colleague I was joking with (or so I thought) is a person that has confided in me, a person who I have good banter with, teasing each other; but he also makes inappropriate jokes, and more than often misogynistic, homophobic, and overall, politically incorrect remarks. During these 'jokes,' I have politely -or using humour- tried to show him he needs to stop. Meaning, we were on that level of familiarity.

Today, sometime after I arrived at work, my team leader had a meeting with all of us, asking us to respect each other's preferences, and not bully each other. Extremely surprised, I asked if he was referring to me and my colleague, and looked at my colleague and asked him 'You know we were joking yesterday, right?' My colleague looked away, and right then I knew something was wrong.

My team leader spoke to me in private to inform me my colleague filed a complaint, because he felt the previous day the volume of my voice was offensive.
Mind you, I am a mediterranean woman, and that means I speak loudly, especially when I'm joking. And all my colleagues know and have experienced that multiple times.

I was not only in shock, but I was also infuriated. My colleague, a 59 year old man, snitched me to our team leader, and didn't even try to speak with me or express his discomfort before talking to my superior. The betrayal. He pretended to not have any issue with me, and then, immediately after he left work, he texted the team leader to complain, and even threatened to contact our manager. The hypocrisy. I'm lucky the team leader is a reasonable person or else I would be in serious trouble.

The irony and unfairness of it all...
The colleague who makes politically incorrect 'jokes' was offended by the volume of my voice, when I'm the one of two people in that department who actually care about social issues and being mindful of others.

I have been told that my colleague has shouted at women at work, called them idiots e.t.c. Yet, he was offended by the 'volume' of my voice.

How privileged can you be, and how entitled, that you feel 'threatened' by a mere joke that makes you feel uncomfortable -even though no one's insulting you-, when you're constantly offending every marginalised social group without a second thought?

How immature can you be to create drama at your workplace, for what?

Another colleague mentioned that I may have spoken some truth, which made him feel uncomfortable, and so he felt he had to attack me in some way. By putting me in a position where he shows his power, by punishing me for challenging his core beliefs and possibly making him feel guilty for his actions.

As if it's anyone else's fault but his if he cannot live his life in harmony between his beliefs and his actions.
Isn't it nice to be able to pin all your mistakes on others, and deflect, turning your guilt into toxic behaviour that hurts others?

A co-worker I'm close with pointed out it was the fact that a female raised her voice at him (or so he thought) that infuriated him.

Who knows...

All I know is I'm keeping my distance and blocking being engulfed in this kind of negative energy.

Older Men

I am 29 years old.

During this time I have more than often observed (or been the recipient of) older men either discretiding, disrespecting or feeling entitled over -mostly younger- women.

Older men many times feel the urge to instruct women on how to do things they already know how to do, or feel entitled to explain things about women issues to us, as if they -who have never been women- know better. There is actually a term describing this behaviour: mansplaining.

Other times, older men feel that they deserve more space, physically and verbally. They feel that they matter more and they make a point of showing it to us through their behaviour.
I cannot tell you how many times older men have ignored me in conversations, how many times they have tried to erase my presence or how many times they have shown discomfort, or even anger, for the fact that I might take more physical space than them.
I cannot tell you how many times they have demanded I remain silent, and have gotten infuriated when I didn't; especially when I voiced a different opinion to theirs. And those times when my argument was stronger, they lost their shit. They tried to crush me similarly to how you try to squish a mosquito who just bit you. Like an annoying (yet not dangerously serious) threat. However, when they saw I was more persistent and withstanding than a mosquito, they expressed rage.

I'd dare say it's as if they believe the world belongs to them, and we should all obey their biddings and agree with their opinions (even when they're extremely hurtful and harmful towards us).

I -unfortunately- cannot tell you how many times I had been catcalled by middle aged men as a teenager. I do not think I can describe the horror and disgust I felt when men my dad's age -and older- made it clear that they lusted after me, a child. But they felt entitled to it. They somehow, for some unthinkable reason, decided it was OK to show sexual attraction towards an underage girl who could have been their own daughter. As if I was theirs to take; as if I wasn't my own person.
Weirdly enough, the older I got, the less harassment I received from men over 40. I guess I turned too old -or too independent- for them.

In the past few years I became even more outspoken, and I completely dispelled the 'older man myth.' In other words, the notion that I should succumb to the logic that older men are on the top of the human pyramid. Because even if they are -and sadly they have placed themselves there- I will not accept that and, I will not bow down to anyone. I am an independent entity who supports equality. Screw pyramids, we need more circles.

Interestingly enough, the more apparent my 'I won't respect you if you disrespect me merely due to you being an older man' behaviour became, the more vicious and aggressive older men were towards me.

And you know what? I don't give a fuck.
I am not afraid to be myself, I am not afraid to stand my ground, I am not afraid to oppose you when you're wrong.
And if you don't like that, older man well, you can do one.

Rape victim suffers 30 year imprisonment for miscarriage

See the whole story here: 
https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2017/jul/06/el-salvador-teen-rape-victim-sentenced-30-years-prison-stillbirth


In short, a teenage girl was raped in El Salvador. El Salvador prohibits abortion under all circumstances (including rape and insest). 
So the teenage girl had to keep the fetus.
At some point she had a miscarriage/still birth. 

She "was convicted on the grounds that failing to seek antenatal care amounted to murder."
30 years in prison for "murder" of a... fetus! Not even a person! And not even real murder, but because she didn't manage to not have a still birth.
The judge, Nury Velasquez is female as well! Internalised misogyny on a whole new other level...

I haven't read anywhere that the gang member who raped her has been arrested, so I presume the rapist hasn't been arrested.

Plus, gangs rarely get arrested.

But, their Catholic morals condone imprisoning a rape victim for a miscarriage whilst the rapist is at large.

Is that your religion El Salvador? Are these your morals? 
Misogyny and sexism?

The President of the country should be ashamed, the judge who ruled this despicable decision should be ashamed, Catholic Church should be ashamed.

How dare you impose religious beliefs/morals on people, and punish them when they're victims of crime?

How dare you deprive women and persons with female reproductive systems of the right to choose whether they want to become parents or not! 

How dare you not give them free, safe and legal contraception and abortion!

The judge's ruling (who was a female judge as well!!!) is a crime towards all women, it is a crime against humanity!

Free Evelyn Beatriz Hernandez Cruz!

Sign the petition: https://www.change.org/p/justice-for-evelyn-beatriz-hernandez-cruz

Donald Trump

The mere existence of Donald Trump and the fact that people are supporting him and he may become the president of USA shows humanity has no fucking hope.

In 2016, in 2016, there are still racists, white supremacists, homo/poly/transphobes, fatphobes, bullies, rapists, abusers, serial killers, cannibals, misogynists, sexists, extreme right wing people, people who torture animals, pedophiles, ableists, mentalists...

Humanity has existed for hundreds of thousands of years and we still discriminate against each other (not to mention that there is still war, hunger, poverty).

I generally exist in a very protected environment since my friends and most of my acquaintances are decent people and none of the above.

But in the past couple of years I have been exposed to the true nature of humanity widely and forcefully, through the internet.

And the more active I am online, the more desperate I become.

The more I lose any last fragment of hope I may have had.

Because for humanity to be the way it is, to have been and still be the way it is, it means any sort of evolution doesn't change the core of the human psych and behaviour. Hate and discrimination.

No matter how evolved we are as a species, no matter how fast technical advances and science unravel the mysteries of the universe, we won't change.

Evil is ingrained in our souls. That is very apparent to me. Not sure if it's somehow passed in our dna. But it is there.

And all this leaves me questioning, is goodness a minority?

Are we, the ones who demand peace and equality a painful minority?

Because if we are, where does that live us in the sense of demanding those things?

Victim Blaming

I would like to talk briefly about victim blaming.
Victim blaming has been integrated in our society to such an extend, that even a judge will ask a rape victim what they were wearing.

What people need to know is the following:
A rapist/abuser/harasser is not provoked by their victim.
Whatever the victim does/says/wears is irrelevant.

The rapist/abuser/harasser has the tendency/desire/need to abuse/harass/rape for the following reason(s):
-They feel entitled to the above mentioned behaviours. Yes, they feel they have the right to rape/abuse/harass you
-They feel you are lower than them, and you should be their submissive
-They don't see the abuse as abuse, the rape as rape, the harassment as harassment. They see them as fulfilling their sexual needs (ofc ignoring you and your consent), venting off, communicating etc
-They are sadists/narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths

There may be more reasons behind their behaviour, but I think you get my point.

We should never blame the victim, question their trauma or suggest their behaviour/appearance should be different.
This may cause great distress to a victim. And it's totally unnecessary.

So, if you're ever been a victim of any sort of abuse, harassment, rape... It's not your fault. It never was, it never will be.
You're a survivor, you're a strong person and it may take some time, but you will be ok.

ps. Please, when a victim is telling you their story: listen. Just listen.

Greek society - Murder

A morbid yet unfortunately representative example of Greek society (especially smaller towns and islands):

A 37 year old woman, mother of three children was murdered by her husband.
He was planning the crime for a long time, hence why he made certain changes to his farm (moving big rocks etc) to accommodate the body.
Reportedly, the woman started taking kickboxing lessons two years ago (maybe because she was suspicious or already receiving physical abuse?).
She had told her close friends she felt trapped in her marriage and wanted to divorce her husband and move to another city with her children. Apparently he was the jealous type, and one night when he thought that his wife received text from an ex he strangled her. She actually had a broken leg so she couldn't really fight back. He lied to the children, her parents and the police until the end. When the police found the body buried in his farm he started running for it. The police think there is a possibility her father in law helped his son hide the body.

That is Greek society. Trapping women in harmful relationships that result in their death (either physical or emotional). Because even if this woman survived she would still not feel she had anyone in her environment who could save her or help her escape from her husband. And the husband brainwashed from patriarchy, he felt entitled to kill her.

How scary is that. Someone thinking they have the right to take your life because you no longer want to be with them.

I find it extremely hypocritical that the locals are so shocked, talking about how unfair the murder was.
You are the ones perpetuating misogyny, believing females should be in the kitchen raising the kids, taking care of the house...
You are the ones telling women to put up with abuse and domestic violence.
Yet, you pretend to be saddened by the death of this woman. Guess what. You have her blood on your hands as well.
For every murder, for every suicide, for every rape, for every street harassment, for every inequality...
You Greek society. You and your anachronistic hypocritical conservatism are to blame.

So, fuck you.

Random Thoughts XXXIII

So people need law to tell them what is wrong because without the fear of punishment people -supposedly- would just steal and kill etc (let's not mention that in today's society law is a mechanism that enforces capitalism, let's just refer to the old core of law before corruption consumed the human soul).

People also "need" religion telling them to be nice (exclude homo/trans/polyphobia, misogyny, sexism etc) because without the fear of going to hell or the fear of their soul not being saved or whatever, they'd just be assholes to each other.

I oppose both concepts.
I don't need anyone to tell me that I shouldn't kill, steal or hurt another creature.
I don't need someone to threaten me to be nice and decent.
I don't believe in law and I don't believe in religion. I do what I believe is right, always respecting myself and others.

And I call that common sense.

So, if you don't have common sense, and you need either law or religion to force you to be a decent human being, what does that make you?