"Choose happiness"????

I just watched an interview on Channel 4.
A man was saying that "Life is what you choose it to be, you control how you perceive the world" etc. etc. etc.

I see many people repeating this on social media.
However, these people never include people who suffer from mental health in their message.

Because when you say everyone has a choice, you need to clarify you're talking about people who are mentally healthy.
Otherwise, you're being mentalists (aka ableists towards people who suffer from mental illness).

Why?
Because people who suffer from mental health do not have a choice.
No one chooses to suffer from anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, depression, ptsd etc.
No one.

But people do suffer from those, and other mental illnesses.
And it's definitely not their choice.

So it's all fun and games when you can actually choose to be happy, when you have the ability to control your mind, but it's a nightmare when you don't.

Mental illness is a mentally healthy person's dystopia.

Even though I'm not expecting mentally healthy people to understand, I'd rather they make the clarification that they're addressing fellow mentally healthy persons.

Unfortunately, many people who suffer from mental illness read that stuff and feel guilty for being unable to "choose happiness".

Well, if you suffer from mental health and you read this:
It's not your fault.
It wasn't your choice.
You're not to blame.

.Peace.

Mental illness

There should be no stigma around mental illness.

There should be no bullying, no shaming, no punishing.

There should be empathy, understanding and support.

If you feel you can't support a person who suffers from mental illness that's ok. It can be emotionally draining and highly demanding. But at least don't bring that person down. Don't shame them or make fun of their illness.

I'm a person who has been suffering from mental illness since I was a child, since I started being conscious of my surroundings and myself.

I'm not a stereotype, I'm not a statistic and I'm definitely not "crazy" or "mental."

I'm not an indication of how other people who suffer from mental illnesses are. Each of us is different. Even if we suffer from the same condition, we're still different.

I'm not asking the people around me to be my therapist, carer etc. If I'm forming bonds and relationships with people it's because I like them, respect them etc. Not because I'm expecting to be taken care of. I can take care of myself. And if I can't, I'll refer to a professional.

Even though I suffer from mental illness myself, there were times when I distanced myself from other people who suffered from mental illness because I couldn't handle the impact their condition had on me. And that's ok. Because self care is a priority and it's important. But I never insulted those people for their conditions, I never shamed them nor blamed them. I walked away discreetly and respectfully.

Respect is tremendously important. We're not less of a human due to our mental illnesses. On the contrary, we are emotional, we feel, we exist. And we deserve respect, as any other being on this planet.

So, if you feel you can't understand mental illness, if you feel you don't want to do research on it, at least do not judge people who suffer from it.

Pro-birthday Melancholy (?)

It's that time of the year again.
You know when you're gonna have a good b.day and you know when you're gonna have a bad b.day. I feel like this year the latter will be the case.
I could be wrong -I wish. However I highly doubt it.

25. . . what does that entail? that I will grow up? that I will find a job and start functioning like an 'adult'? that I will try to become 'mature'?

Fuck all that. I don't want to 'grow up', I don't want to get a job that will pay me just enough to pay for my rent and go to my job, I don't want to stop getting pierced and tattooed, I don't want to have 'normal' hair, I don't want to dress 'properly', I don't want to stop raving/partying/travelling/having a good time, I don't want to compromise my dreams/myself, I don't want to stop studying -ever- even though I might not even want to work on the field I studied, I don't want to lose weight -yep, there are some of us who don't want to even if 'society' says they should-, I don't want to watch tv, I don't want to follow orders or respect any kind of authority, I don't wanna conform to anything that isn't true to myself...
In a nutshell, I don't want to do anything I don't want to do.

You'd think that by the time someone is 25 they'd get a job and become part of the machine. I have no intention whatsoever to become part of any fucking machine, unless it helps the environment, animals, humans and spreads health and positivity. To my knowledge there is no such thing since "the machine" refers to something totally different.

Some of the people reading this might think I'm a very spoiled person. But before judging me for my persistence on only doing things I want to do let me tell you a couple of things first.

I strongly believe that to appreciate happiness you have to go through hell.
And I have been. I've been bullied, I've been stalked, I've been discriminated against, I've been cheated on, I've been attacked, I've been through some major health issues a number of which I will have to live with for the rest of my life, I've been suicidal, I'm ocd and bipolar -which many times leads to depression- and the list could actually go on a bit further, but I shall stop here.

Even my closest friends don't know most of the things I've been through and that has been my choice all along. Why? Because I don't want to focus on that. Because if I focus on the bad things I won't be able to live the good moments, and there have been plenty of them in my life as well.
However if I hadn't been through so much shit I wouldn't have been able to appreciate these good moments; I wouldn't have been able to foresee them coming and let myself indulge in them. I would have probably just ignored them.
Moreover I don't want to feed off misery. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness".* Yes, you can, but I don't want to. I choose life.**
I don't know when I actually made this choice. I think it happened somewhere along the way this year.

I have seen a major transformation in me the past couple years; an inner transformation.
Embracing your darkness without letting it devour your light isn't an easy task. I do have a long way to go -still- as I am naturally drawn to darkness, nevertheless I'm trying to find my light and have it co-exist with my darker side. The darkness being the inspiration, and the light being the motivation.

So no, I won't succumb to the trap of 'growing up'; of working to make money for someone who doesn't give a shit about you and makes 100 times what you make without working as hard; of dressing in a certain way I don't like; of acting a certain way I don't like; of not using my brain; of not being creative and artistic; of not studying whatever the hell I want, just because I want to acquire knowledge; of eating gmo food; of not loving myself etc.

This article/confession/who-knows-what-the-hell-it-really-is started off as a very negative piece of writing. And here comes the bipolar effect when one second you're laughing, next you're crying and vice versa.

I don't know how tomorrow will play out. I'm hoping for the best, expecting both the worst and the best and just wish for health and happiness. For me, for you, for everyone.

Happy birthday to me,

P.S
* lyric from the song 'Somebody I used to know'
**phrase from the movie 'Trainspotting'