Diarrhoea

My first poem for 2018! (can't we all relate after we ate like elephants during the holiday season?)

Diarrhoea diarrhoea
My anus fears ya
My anus fears ya
Damned to meet you
Got to greet you?
Don't wanna feel you
Gotta escape you

Diarrhoea diarrhoea
I cannot take you
I hate you, I hate you
Intestines protesting
Bowel movement protecting
Sphincter exhaustion
Shitty explosion

Halloween Song

Happy Halloween! 🔮⚰👻🎃

Here's part of my song 'Halloween Song' to celebrate:

"I think there is a ghost in my room

During the night it wanders

Dancing shadows creepy sounds are on the loose

I can see outside my window shining spiders

In my room there is a spot that feels too cold

Even when the heating works full power

What I’ll tell you might seem bold

But sometimes I feel I’m not alone

Even when in my room there is no other

Creepy, freaky little sounds

Make my heart pound even faster

I’m a helpless little mouse

Waiting for my own disaster"

And here's a LINK to the video of me performing it a long time ago!

Neverland

Since it was my birthday the other day, I decided to gift you a snippet of a poem I wrote about a month ago.

For the past few years I get pre-birthday melancholy during the month of my birthday, October (which is funny considering it's also my favourite month and I love Halloween, but hey! I'm a walking contradiction).

And so, here it is -partly:

'Neverland'

"Life’s already sad and boring; you’re not even thirty-one

Now you have to be so careful, and to bring food to the table

Pay those bills, have a career, and no option to give up

Always pretending you know what you’re doing, heart shut

Rude awakening leaves you wishing you were Peter Pan

Always young, forever young, eternal youth in Neverland"

Six Months

Six months of repression
Suppression,  no measure of prevention

Illness, stillness, subversion
No chance of recuperation 

Physical oppression
No escaping deterioration

Inertia, exertion
No hope for restoration

Sources of inspiration

I've been thinking lately of the things that inspire me.
Even though I can create -and have created- on demand, there are things that inspire my creativity to be expressed through different mediums.

When it comes to writing poems and lyrics, I usually get inspired by sadness, trauma, negative feelings and situations (either mine of other persons').

When it comes to writing stories I get inspired by any experience (mine or someone else's): negative, positive, funny, grim, mysterious...

When it comes to photography I get inspired by my surroundings or concepts I envision.

When it comes to drawing I usually just let my subconscious guide me.

When it comes to music I get inspired by my lyrics, as I write lyrics first and create music after.

When it comes to makeup I get inspired by other people's work, nature or specific themes, and of course, anything spooky and gothic.

But isn't that interesting? We use different mediums, a different language if you like, to express different thoughts and sources of inspiration.

Life Game

In the academic year of 2011-12 (3rd year of my bachelors) I wrote a song inspired by the work I had done for my Independent Project.

That project entailed me interviewing people about pain and their memories of pain, whilst filming them, and then creating an avant garde piece of music and film. 

Which I did, and it was great.

In the meantime though, this project inspired me to write another song. 'Life Game'

I don't often go back and re-read or refer to my lyrics, but the following lyrics are depressingly relevant to this moment of my life:

"Pain is loss, pain is rejection

Pain is when you can’t find affection

Pain is racism, pain is bullying

Pain is when your heart is bleeding

Pain is physical, pain is mental

Pain is you on a misery spiral

Pain is shame, pain is blame

Pain is you not being the same?

I'm an artist

I've been thinking lately about my career and its future.

I've got a BA in Music and an MA in Community Arts. It goes without saying that it's impossible to find a job in those fields unless you got really good connections -which I don't- or are a member of some sort of union -which I'm not and I cannot afford to be.

Thing is, I've always been told in my life that art can never be my main income. I've always been told it can only be a hobby and the very few who manage to make good money out of it and/or make a decent living are the exceptions.

So, what am I supposed to do?
Everytime I've tried a 'normal' job so far, I've felt extremely uncomfortable and a few times it even had an impact on my health.
You see, I thrive in creative environments and I wither in non creative, boring ones.

Ask me to come up with ideas, concepts, lyrics, stories, melodies, scripts, directive advice, designs, images, vocals (and anything artistic) and I will do so in no time.
I don't have to squeeze my brain to be creative, as creativity is my natural instinct, perception and way of thinking.

However, put me in a non creative job, and even though I can excel in it, I'll be depressed and stressed af. (hint: which is what's going on atm)

It's so fucking unfair that there aren't many opportunities for artists and creative people to make a living working within the arts unless they have connections. Some of us are introverts and cannot physically be 'sociable.' Also, when you make it compulsory for people to be part of unions to work in the arts you're excluding those of us who don't have the money and resources to do so.

I got two fucking degrees in the arts and so far I have not been able to find a job where I can put my degrees and creativity in use. And it's beyond frustrating. I'm going to be 30 in a year and a half, and I still don't know what I'm doing with my life.

You know what: I'm not a 'normal' person and I can't be a 'productive' and 'useful' member of society (the way most people perceive those).

I'm a fucking artist. And I cannot but only be that which I am.

Fuck it.

Just a fracture of today's thoughts . . . (II)

"Time is passing by

Looking through my window

Leafs are turning brown

I am now a widow

Lost my heart and soul

To this tough reality

Trying to write a song

Doom, despair, fatality"