Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts

16/03/2019

The ugly truth about working in retail - My story

I haven't been posting here a lot these past few months, and the reason was that I got myself a full time job in retail. And that not only left me with no time, but also exhausted me physically, and sometimes even mentally.

I can't say too much about what I did or where I worked (you see, now they even include posting on social media in your contract), but I can tell you how fucked up the way this industry works is.

The Job

Around October time I decided it was time to come back to England. The first week of my return my partner told me he found out about a temp job offered at his workplace. I didn't think much of it, and attended an interview he had arranged for me. I got the job on the spot. My supervisor told me I was clearly overqualified for the position.
Originally, my job was quite straightforward and simple, very repetitive low level position. With time, and due to my abilities, the tasks I had to complete multiplied greatly, to the point of me training and assisting colleagues with their own jobs.
I started working there amidst a big shift in the company and the implementation of new systems and rules around its operation, and thus, a transitional period that found employees who had been there long before me struggling.
Me coming with fresh eyes and unaware of the past, along with my qualifications, meant I could adapt very quickly, which led to my job role entailing way more than I had been told at first, without an increase in my salary.

And it wasn't just me. A lot of people were required to do a lot more than they were paid for, but I will talk about that in a second.

The People

When I first started, everyone in my team was really sweet and kind to me. They were all so helpful and willing to respond to any of my queries. A few of my colleagues warned me against certain people on the first day though, and that left a very sour taste in my mouth.
With time I discovered a lot of the sweetness and kindness were an act. People wanted to make a good first impression. But as time passed I found myself involved in petty drama that I couldn't even fathom. Certain people didn't like my mediterranean temperament, or the music I listen to, or criticised the way I did my job (even though my superiors praised me constantly), or even what and how much I had for lunch.
A few of my colleagues even complained about me to my supervisor. Even colleagues I thought I was 'work-friends' with. My voice was too loud, I didn't remain quiet when someone talked down on me, and sometimes I used the word 'fuck.' And even though some of my colleagues could be loud as well, or sweared too, maybe it was the fact that I was not intimidated by anyone, ever, that irked them the most.
Thankfully, there were also kind and reasonable people working with me, and it was thanks to them, I had an overall positive experience.

The Company

From what I had heard, the company used to be a very positive environment to work at, and took good care of its staff. However, after it was acquired by a larger corporation, and then, after a new CEO was appointed, things started going downhill.
Mass redundancies, a plethora of job role changes, zero employee consideration, less worker rights, new rules, more rules, more technicalities, and a lot less logic or cohesion.
One of the most frustrating things was that the vast majority of higher ups had absolutely no clue of how the business operated. They supposedly knew how to manage us all (and shout commands and demands), but they did not know what our jobs entailed, or how, practically, things got done.
Therefore, us 'lower level' staff had to constantly explain certain processes and even demonstrate, for them to be content and leave us alone.
Moreover, due to all the redundancies, current staff had to take on the roles of the people made redundant, without a salary increase or a bonus, which meant you got paid the same, but had to do a lot more. And that seemed to be a pattern within the company.
I am not going to go into how disorganised and unreasonable the way the company operates was, as I'm sure that is a common denominator in many companies.

The Threat

One day, my supervisor told me to go to my manager's office. There, there was my manager and another person. They told me there was this great opportunity for me, the Head of Operations had handpicked me and created a position just for me. It would be great for me, provide me with experience and knowledge in so many other things, and help me to evolve professionally.
I was very flattered, but also felt something was a bit off. My manager was really pushing for me to take this job. I was given less than 24 hours to give a response, but then had no one approach me to request my response.
I wrote down a list of questions in regards to the position, and two days later my manager arranged for a meeting for us to discuss the details. Bottom line was that this position, which was newly created (and I would be the first person to ever have it if I accepted), entailed a lot more roles and tasks than the position I was currently holding, yet the salary was the same. They also wanted to keep my contract and my job role the same, and if after my temp contract expired they wanted to offer me a permanent position, only then the job role would change on the contract, but the salary would remain the same. On top of that they would expect me to work on weekends, which was something I didn't have to do before.
As you may expect, I very kindly declined the position. There was no reason for me to take a job with more responsibilities and change departments for such little money. Two days after I declined the position my manager wanted to talk to me. We had a private conversation and I was basically told that if I didn't accept this new position, my contract would not be renewed as we had agreed upon. My contract was supposed to be extended for 3 more months. I very calmly explained that that was blackmail and I would not succumb to threats. Both my supervisor and my manager had told me for months that my contract would be extended. HR was aware of that fact as well. Funny thing was, most of our HR staff had been made redundant, and the HR person who had been in charge of my case did not work for the company anymore.
So, even though I explicitly told my manager if my contract wasn't renewed I would take action and seek justice, I knew that would be extremely hard to do, as it would be my word against a whole company.


...To be continued...


08/02/2019

Colleague's infuriating entitlement

When people feel uncomfortable they usually turn into spoiled children. Or even worse, aggressive adults.

It takes someone who self-reflects and constantly works on themselves to face and move past their discomfort.

But that someone is not my colleague.

Yesterday, there was a conversation at work about a colleague who goes hunting. The conversation was instigated by an older lady (who loves drama). She knew I would respond, not only because I am a vegetarian, but also, because I love animals.

And I did respond, jokingly. I made comical exaggerated loud declarations against hunting, laughing. I mentioned the cognitive dissonance that is loving animals, but also not only eating them, but hunting them. Indeed, I am against hunting, but I recognised work isn't the place to talk about it seriously.

At the time, I was laughing, my co-workers were laughing... But our team leader stepped in to say that talking about dietary preferences is taboo and we shouldn't talk about it. I explained that I was joking, and of course, I accept everyone's dietary preferences regardless of whether I agree with them or not.
I didn't make anything of it, and no one showed to be uncomfortable or offended.

Now, the colleague I was joking with (or so I thought) is a person that has confided in me, a person who I have good banter with, teasing each other; but he also makes inappropriate jokes, and more than often misogynistic, homophobic, and overall, politically incorrect remarks. During these 'jokes,' I have politely -or using humour- tried to show him he needs to stop. Meaning, we were on that level of familiarity.

Today, sometime after I arrived at work, my team leader had a meeting with all of us, asking us to respect each other's preferences, and not bully each other. Extremely surprised, I asked if he was referring to me and my colleague, and looked at my colleague and asked him 'You know we were joking yesterday, right?' My colleague looked away, and right then I knew something was wrong.

My team leader spoke to me in private to inform me my colleague filed a complaint, because he felt the previous day the volume of my voice was offensive.
Mind you, I am a mediterranean woman, and that means I speak loudly, especially when I'm joking. And all my colleagues know and have experienced that multiple times.

I was not only in shock, but I was also infuriated. My colleague, a 59 year old man, snitched me to our team leader, and didn't even try to speak with me or express his discomfort before talking to my superior. The betrayal. He pretended to not have any issue with me, and then, immediately after he left work, he texted the team leader to complain, and even threatened to contact our manager. The hypocrisy. I'm lucky the team leader is a reasonable person or else I would be in serious trouble.

The irony and unfairness of it all...
The colleague who makes politically incorrect 'jokes' was offended by the volume of my voice, when I'm the one of two people in that department who actually care about social issues and being mindful of others.

I have been told that my colleague has shouted at women at work, called them idiots e.t.c. Yet, he was offended by the 'volume' of my voice.

How privileged can you be, and how entitled, that you feel 'threatened' by a mere joke that makes you feel uncomfortable -even though no one's insulting you-, when you're constantly offending every marginalised social group without a second thought?

How immature can you be to create drama at your workplace, for what?

Another colleague mentioned that I may have spoken some truth, which made him feel uncomfortable, and so he felt he had to attack me in some way. By putting me in a position where he shows his power, by punishing me for challenging his core beliefs and possibly making him feel guilty for his actions.

As if it's anyone else's fault but his if he cannot live his life in harmony between his beliefs and his actions.
Isn't it nice to be able to pin all your mistakes on others, and deflect, turning your guilt into toxic behaviour that hurts others?

A co-worker I'm close with pointed out it was the fact that a female raised her voice at him (or so he thought) that infuriated him.

Who knows...

All I know is I'm keeping my distance and blocking being engulfed in this kind of negative energy.

08/12/2017

The truth about Billionaires

The fact that in this day and age people think you can become a billionaire by being nice baffles me. Are people that stupid? You don't reach that level of wealth -let alone maintain it- unless you do terrible things. You would have to underpay your stuff, overprice your products and services, exploit a lot of the people you work with, bend and break the law (e.g. bribe, blackmail, be involved in the deep web), destroy other people's lives etc. So when you admire billionaires, be aware that you're most probably also admiring criminals, narcissists and psychopaths. Because for someone to have the drive to reach a level of that much power and the resources to achieve it, they couldn't be anything else but the above mentioned.

03/11/2017

Random Thoughts LXVII

I always feel like I'm getting more and more tired of life.
But then I look back on my posts and I see that I've been equally tired since a long time ago.
It just feels like it's all new or more intense, when it isn't.

I wonder, how flawed can my perception be in other matters?

For example, I already have an issue with my perception of time, and certain events. I sometimes even struggle to separate reality from fantasy.

But I've noticed that that happens to other people as well. Many of those people I know and/or love. Interestingly enough, most of them don't realise.

What if we all do it one way or another, having a flawed perception, one that cannot always be objective, distinguish reality, or follow linear concepts, but we aren't aware of it?
What does that mean for the world? The way it operates, the way societies form, and even more importantly, the way we seek and perceive the truth?

Damn, that escalated quickly to a philosophical debate -or maybe to a mere philosophical question...




19/10/2016

Is it too late?

This blog entry is mainly for anyone who is a teenager or younger than that.
I'm going to share with you a few of my thoughts and conclusions.
Feel free to read if you're older as well, but be warned that this blog entry may make you feel a tad sad.

It is quite unfortunate, but we have created a world that operates like a machine. A very fast paced machine. And that machine pushes you to start building your career as a teenager, to try to succeed from a young age, because it tells you that your life ain't worth living if you're older and 'unsuccessful.'
There's so much pressure to know what you want to do extremely early in life. And you're forced to stick with those early options to be safe and secure.
Society tells you you need security so you have to decide on a career from a young age and follow through. By the time you're 30 you have to be able to afford your own house, and depending on the career you chose to be famous and/or rich, or to make a name for yourself. Above all, you have to make connections because your worth is not as relevant as the people you know.

And if you're an artist it's even worse. Everyone tells you to put art aside and find a 'real career.'
So, if you're a teenage artist I suggest putting yourself out there, and starting to work on your career as early as possible. You'll also have to be an extrovert to succeed, and if you're not one, you'll have to either push yourself or give up.

It's sad, that young people nowadays aren't allowed to make mistakes and explore their options. That they aren't allowed to be themselves.

I made the mistake to take my time and explore.
And at almost 28 years of age I still have no clue what I want to do with my life or how to pursue it.
So it's too late for me now. I have to find a 'real job,' do something that I hate for the rest of my life and be unhappy. After all, that's how 'normal' adults live...

But if you're a young person you don't have to go through that. Maybe it's too late for me, but it's not too late for you.

So get out there and start building your adult life early on. Don't let time pass you by.

25/08/2016

Harsh Reality

That moment when you realise dreams are just dreams that will never become reality.
That moment when you start crying because you slowly realise there is no hope.
That moment despair creeps in as you see your whole life crumble...

That moment has come for me. And it has come after me.

That moment when you realise everyone's hopes and expectations of you will never be materialised, because reality isn't a thought, an ability or a desire.

Reality is harsh as fuck and it crushes your whole being.

28/05/2016

Random Thoughts XXXXVI

That terrifying moment when you realise you can't trust your brain anymore...

26/05/2016

Random Thoughts XXXXV

It's really hard to know that this is the only life I'm going to live, but it's not going to be the one I want to live.

13/05/2016

Random Thoughts XXXXIII

Wondering if all those people supporting the brand Chanel know how Coco came to make her fortune and what kind of relations she had with the Nazis. Is fashion more important than morals and ethos? Would you buy products created by a company owned by a pedophile for example? Where does consumerism stop -if at any point- and where does free and critical thinking begin?

01/05/2016

Ignorance is bliss

The ones that possess intelligence and consciousness will always suffer.

Tormented by their realisations and thoughts, they will never be able to eliminate stress and despair from their lives.

16/04/2016

"Never Change"

"Never change"

I've heard this from many different people. Especially from people I've met for a brief period of time and we knew that we'd never see each other again.

Some people have applauded my kindness, generosity and empathy.
They insisted I need to always be myself and continue the legacy of good deeds I have started.

But recently I have had a change of mind.
For a long time I believed in prioritising others no matter how much it hurt my life.
Thankfully, a few years ago I realised that that was wrong and it made my life really hard. So then, I needed to decide which people deserved me prioritising them and to what extend. This has been a very hard process. Unfortunately it left me with a bitter aftertaste when I asked the question: "Would they do the same thing for you?" and more than often the response was "No."

All those years I have helped numerous people. With important and unimportant stuff. During hard and easier periods of my life. I had gone above and beyond to help certain people.
Very rarely did I hear "Thank you" from those people. Very rarely was there any type of reward, any type of gratitude or recognition, any type of "returning the favour." Now I know what you'll all think. When you help someone you don't do it to get something back. Some of you may even say that karma, the universe, god or whatever will return the favour to you. I don't believe in karma or god, and I've seen for myself that giving, transmitting positive energy and all that, doesn't come back to you. That's all bullshit told so people don't lose hope and jump off a cliff.
Life is unfair. Evil people succeed. Those without morals are at the top of the pyramid, and the rest of us are financial slaves, struggling to survive.

I have come to the conclusion that humans are inherently evil and immoral. But then, if that is the norm, wouldn't being evil and immoral be moral? Maybe. I'm no philosopher, nor do I want to be one, so that's something for you to argue and figure out.
But my personal opinion is that humans like to be superior than their fellow humans. They love controlling others and even have sadistic tendencies.

Also, humans are creatures of habit. If you're nice to them, they get used to it. Then they take it for granted and don't appreciate it. Whereas if you're always bad to them and you're nice once in a blue moon, they appreciate it more. Yes, the human brain is distorted. Or maybe it isn't.

For a long time I have also being doing "the right thing" even when it actually hurts me personally. But I always considered the greater good or being ethical more important than my personal gain, comfort etc. Did anything good come to me out of that ethical behaviour? No. Nothing at all.

I look around me and I see talentless people, people with no real passion, being billionaires -or trillionaires. And I see geniuses, artists, people with a vision, struggling to survive.

Now, I am an artist, I used to have a vision, and I'm inherently good. My instinct is to do good. However, I can't be successful if I continue to be the way I am. Because in the capitalist world we live in, kindness and goodness are never rewarded. Visions, unless they bring financial profit, aren't appreciated. Artistry, unless it brings financial profit, isn't appreciated.

I want to be a successful person. I have lived my life as a poor person, and I can assure you it ain't fun. It's not fun to always have to think about money. It's not fun when you can't even afford to go to the doctor, let alone go clothes shopping or enjoy any luxury. It's not fun to work your ass off and not get paid for your work, whereas your employer makes shitloads of money off your work (and still underpays you).

And here comes the dilemma: Do I change, do I become evil to seek success or do I continue to suffer in poverty?

I can't be evil. That is just the way I am. I can be vicious if someone treats me unfairly though. I can be vengeful. And society has treated me very poorly. So over the past couple of years I have started changing. Very slowly, but I am changing. That's what society does to you. That's what capitalism does to you. That's what other humans do to you.

In a world where everything is about money, where kindness and goodness aren't appreciated and sometimes are even looked down upon, your only option is to toughen up and play the game.
Because the game isn't going to change anytime soon. So it's either becoming part of the problem to ensure a comfortable survival or living a miserable life holding on to your hope that this world is going to change.

And I... I actually have zero hope.

20/03/2016

Random Thoughts XXXIX

You scrolling through your facebook timeline is just another form of consumerism.

21/09/2014

07/05/2014

Random Thoughts XXIII

Marriage is the biggest human perversion based on possessiveness, insecurity, mistrust and controlling.

However, marriage is a huge industry providing numerous people with jobs, and it expands to all religions and beliefs.

The wedding day is a misconception of happiness, life purpose and general reality -unless you're filthy rich, so your reality is a misconception anyway.

Little girls grow up being told one day the prince will marry them, and they are gonna wear dreamy dresses and be princesses themselves.

Get real people. A fucking dress and a party -where for once it's ok for you to demand being the centre of attention- are not gonna make your overall life any better.

27/04/2014

Confessions of a Rotten Heart (4)

It’s just that I’ve always been the one to support;
the one being there or others.
So when it’s me being in the receiving end,
I just can’t accept that role.

You know, I’m trembling right now.
My vision is a bit blurry,
So I had to take my glasses off.
It’s harder than usual to breathe.

I’m listening to all the songs I shouldn’t listen to.
I’m diving into darkness;
the void, despair and agony.
I kinda missed it.

Why do people let the monster inside them feed off their misery?
It’s enticing. Such an intense feeling can be extremely alluring.
So instead of being empty, you’d rather suffer.
Depression is a way of expression.



05/01/2014

Unexpected

I'm always glad that I can write.

I can write about the things I don't want to forget, I can write about the things that happen to me or the process through which the prism of my thoughts filters my reality.

It's never an easy thing to go through a comedown (feel free to interpret the word on your own way). Sometimes it's harder to overcome one than others.

On my way home I was truly sad that I'd have to return to reality. My xmas holidays have been dreamy so far, but I'd have to take uni seriously from now on; I'd have to face the return of the housemates I'm not really fond of; I'd have to reduce my social life to a minimum -to my mates' dismay; I'd have to forget about the emotional void devouring my soul; I'd have to accept several things were going to change in different aspects of my life without me having any control over them...

I was drowning. Even before I got on the bus home I felt like shit -to put it simply. Even though I was surrounded by people whom I adore and I know they care and love me, even when these people tried to cheer me up, there was a dark cloud all around my head. And as I always do in these situations -when I'm having a comedown/bipolar moment/panik attack or anything of the sort- I chose to leave and be by myself for fear of hurting someone of these people or making them worry.

The funny thing about expectations is that they're a joke. I expected I'd be feeling shit, cry on my way home -or at home- and sink into depression. However two totally irrelevant incidents took place in front of my eyes that left me smiling on the rest of my way home in the past hour.

As I was on the tube trying to blank out the family sitting next to and opposite to me something strange caught my eye. The sister (around 5 years old) hugged lovingly her brother (around 2 years old) who was  on the baby troller thingy. The mom yelled: "Aw how touching! Look at that! Some sibling love over there!". And the little girl approached her brother again and hugged him once more. Then they both started giggling and they looked so happy. It was so simple for them. Anyone who knows me a bit knows I hate children. Therefore I was not impressed by the children's age, but by their quality to find happiness in such weird ways.

After a couple of minutes I had to take another tube line to get me home. As I was waiting for the train I noticed a tall handsome guy who was dancing discreetly while whispering the lyrics of the song he was listening to. I realised a couple of  people were giving him evil stares even though he didn't make any noise or weird movements. After I got off the train I saw he lived on the same street as I do. He was singing quite loudly a cheesy Spice Girls song on his way home. He looked so happy, so content and so utterly brave doing so. I was mesmerized by his smile. A pure proof of enjoyment.

Why did I even notice these two incidents? Why did I even care?

Because I realised I was blinded for a moment. I let negativity and darkness cover my light. I let the shadow of self doubt and anxiety to erase -even momentarily- all the good moments and people in my life. It's so easy to forget you know. Life itself can be a trap sometimes. A trap to push you onto a routine of boredom, anxiety, sadness and misery.

Peace,
Lara



p.s. I got to thank my Goddess, Leo, for putting up with my emotional roller coaster today and making me smile <3


18/11/2013

Truth and agony I

There are some people out there who spread unhappiness and misery.

They feed off rage and sadness. They try to destroy anything positive in other people's lives and then pretend they wanna help and care.

Do not fall for their pretenses. Do not fall for their tricks.
Wide smiles sometimes hide evil intentions.

Be aware of who you trust. Be aware of the ones who are the root of many people's problems.

Do not forget. Do not succumb to being nice to these people.
Just get as far away as you can from them. Do not let them leech on your happiness and positivity.

Any person you suspect has negative energy towards you has no place in your life.

Protect yourself, your happiness and your positivity.

Peace 

03/11/2013

Random Thoughts XX

It's such an important thing to surround yourself with positivity.People, places, thoughts that make you happy.It's such an important thing to have love in your life.Be able to both give and take.It's such an important thing to be creative, be yourself and live your life.Never let anyone but yourself choose the path you will follow.