Another day in patriarchy

So, after a very very long time, I got a mango iced tea from starbucks. I sit on a bench by myself and start enjoying my drink.
A guy passes me with his bike, stops, looks at me and the conversation goes as follows:
-Can I sit here? (it was the bench next to mine)
-Sure you can.
I put my mask back on, as I took it off whilst I sat on the bench, since no one was around.
-I don't have corona you know. I'm immune to it.
-Good for you.
-Can I talk to you?
-No, sorry, I'm busy. (I pretended to look on my phone)
I had already started to feel uncomfortable because he was staring at me the whole time, so I put my phone down and started dissinfecting my hands.
-Did you finish what you were doing? Can we talk now?
-No, sorry. I'm leaving.
-Can we meet again?
-No.
-Why?
-Because I don't want to.
-Why?
-I don't have to give you a reason
-Yes you do!
-No, I don't. Bye.
-Have a good evening. We may meet again!
-You too and no.

And that's how my mood was ruined and I couldn't enjoy my iced tea.

Feminist Loneliness

I've had a mostly feminist ideology since I was a kid.
However, I started consciously calling myself a feminist about five years ago.

Being a feminist meant that I couldn't turn a blind eye anymore, and I had to practice what I preached. That resulted in the ending of friendships and companionships, and also blocking/deleting a lot of acquaintances on social media. Not to mention the online arguments. Oh, the online arguments! What a toll did those take at me!
During that journey, I felt and hoped I could find support and sisterhood in feminist pages.

I could not have been more wrong.
My first ordeal was with a very well-known USA feminist page. I got chewed up and spat like a chewing gum pretty quickly. You see, USA feminists more than often are not very knowledgeable on European politics and culture. At least not as knowledgeable as European feminists are on USA culture and politics. And with that came a lot of ignorant comments and responses towards me, and consequently, a lot of hate. And so I left.

Then, a few years back I discovered a few feminist pages from my home country. I cannot begin to describe to you the relief, the peace I found through these pages. I had to leave one of them as the responses were too aggressive to my liking. Aggression seemed to be a common denominator on the responses in most pages I've been (feminist or not), and it is something that makes me very uncomfortable. Nevertheless, my desperation to find a feminist nest urged me to ignore certain aggressive outbursts as long as they weren't directed at me (how hypocritical, I know), and as long as they were not a daily issue. But then, what should I do when the admins/page followers start having an attitude towards me as well? Or when the aggression and rudeness becomes an everyday thing, a pattern? There's not much to do I guess, apart from leaving.

And here I am, not part of any community again, a lone feminist, too feminist for society, and too 'soft' for feminist circles.

Sex isn't meant to be painful for women.

Sex isn't meant to be painful for women.
If something makes you feel uncomfortable or in pain, and the person you're having sex with doesn't care, that person is an asshole, and possibly a rapist.

Stop telling women that sex is supposed to be painful for them.
Stop telling women that they exist to fulfil men's desires and sexual appetite. 
Stop telling women to 'suck it up' and 'just do it.'

Women owe you nothing. They don't owe you pleasure, sex or anything else.

Sexual harassment & rape allegations on the news

With all of which has been happening lately in regards to past sexual harassment and rape revelations I would like to take this moment to connect with all of you who are survivors and are now suffering from PTSD -which is resurfacing due to the news:

•You have the right to turn the news off. You have the right to disconnect from the Internet for sometime. You are not a bad person for doing so. Self-care and self-love is tremendously important in your journey to heal.
Be selfish, you deserve it!

•You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. No one is entitled to request your PTSD status, your general or specific mental health status and why the news may be upsetting.
The fact that so many women are raped and harassed daily should be upsetting to everyone anyway!

•If your PTSD is getting bad or out of control, please, seek support. Either professional or from your loved ones. There are even online resources where you can receive support for free.

•Lastly, it is ok to block people and disassociate yourself from them if their behaviour, words or actions are a trigger to you. You do not have to tolerate anything/anyone that/who is harmful to your mental or physical health.

Stay safe & take care!
💗

Funny fat girls

I see a lot of fellow fat ladies thinking they have to be funny; they have to perform all the time to blend in. And so they force themselves to do so. It seems there is this notion that since we're fat, our only option to be attractive in any way is to be funny. Nope. You don't have to feel the need to 'perform' and be 'funny' because of your weight. You are a valuable, and sexy and attractive person regardless.

There is no need to feed into a stereotype "she's not hot, but she's funny." You can be fat and hot, and if you're funny that's great as well, but you don't have to force yourself to make jokes and entertain people. And for the love of me, you don't have to make fat jokes aimed at yourself to show people you're funny; to prove you can 'fit in.' I've seen many times fat gals making fun of themselves, to the point where I wanted to cry at all the mean things there were saying. You don't have to make fun of yourselves to be cool. You don't have to use horrible and traumatising language aimed at yourself to be accepted. And if the people around you make you feel like you have to do those things, then you need to kick those people out of your life. Lastly, please, don't let movies be your example about how you should dress and behave as a fat person. Media's portrayal of fat people is inaccurate and harmful. They play into toxic cliches and stereotypes that either ostracise fat people or don't give them space to be themselves to exist in society.

Dear tattoo magazines

Dear tattoo magazines,

Please stop sexualising the females on your covers and spreads.
Your audience comprises of males for the biggest part. But that is because you keep on choosing to be disrespectful towards females.

The way you portray tattooed females implies that all tattooed females are 'whores,' 'kinky,' 'dirty,' always wear revealing clothes and don't mind showing their tattoos. That is harmful.

Even though there's nothing wrong with a female being promiscuous, kinky or wearing revealing clothes, there shouldn't be a connection of those attributes to tattooed females by default.

You also need to teach your audience to stop touching tattooed females -or anyone for that matter- without their permission.

My tattoos aren't an invitation for anyone to grab my arms or touch them.
My tattoos aren't an indication of my sex life, my intelligence, my career path etc.
My tattoos -along with their aesthetic and meanings- are personal, and I choose if and when to display them, and whom I will let touch my skin.
I'm sick and tired of tattoo magazines being so 'macho' centric, that all they do is cater to harmful toxic masculinity demands and expectations.