Let's welcome 2015

Tomorrow is the last day of 2014.
Many people, blogs, and pages in general started talking about the big events of 2014, the funny/ugly/epic moments. It's a habit many of us practice.
I personally feel the new years eve is way more important than christmas. I'm not religious after all.
Therefore that moment when a year is over and we're moving to a new period of time, a new era, seems way more important and celebratory to me.

So... 2014. I wanna say this has been the worst year of my life, but then again I would be ignoring some glorious moments I had.
2014 brought me problems, many problems... It brought me anxiety, depression, failure, break-ups, heart aches, betrayals, end of long-term friendships, financial difficulties and overall frustration and hopelessness.
However, 2014 also brought me new friends, happy moments, love, passion, feelings, support from people I wasn't expecting it from, presents from friends and strangers and it made me redefine my identity and discover other sides of myself that I didn't have the chance to explore before.

I do appreciate all that has come my way this year, good and bad.
But for once I want to wish and hope that this new year will not be a roller coaster like the previous years have been. It seems things happen to me with great intensity; good and bad things. That can be extremely tiring.
For a change I would rather have a stable -even a tad boring- year where I will be able to focus on finishing my degree -finally- and then moving on to living my life again.

-Ready for 2015

Unexpected

I'm always glad that I can write.

I can write about the things I don't want to forget, I can write about the things that happen to me or the process through which the prism of my thoughts filters my reality.

It's never an easy thing to go through a comedown (feel free to interpret the word on your own way). Sometimes it's harder to overcome one than others.

On my way home I was truly sad that I'd have to return to reality. My xmas holidays have been dreamy so far, but I'd have to take uni seriously from now on; I'd have to face the return of the housemates I'm not really fond of; I'd have to reduce my social life to a minimum -to my mates' dismay; I'd have to forget about the emotional void devouring my soul; I'd have to accept several things were going to change in different aspects of my life without me having any control over them...

I was drowning. Even before I got on the bus home I felt like shit -to put it simply. Even though I was surrounded by people whom I adore and I know they care and love me, even when these people tried to cheer me up, there was a dark cloud all around my head. And as I always do in these situations -when I'm having a comedown/bipolar moment/panik attack or anything of the sort- I chose to leave and be by myself for fear of hurting someone of these people or making them worry.

The funny thing about expectations is that they're a joke. I expected I'd be feeling shit, cry on my way home -or at home- and sink into depression. However two totally irrelevant incidents took place in front of my eyes that left me smiling on the rest of my way home in the past hour.

As I was on the tube trying to blank out the family sitting next to and opposite to me something strange caught my eye. The sister (around 5 years old) hugged lovingly her brother (around 2 years old) who was  on the baby troller thingy. The mom yelled: "Aw how touching! Look at that! Some sibling love over there!". And the little girl approached her brother again and hugged him once more. Then they both started giggling and they looked so happy. It was so simple for them. Anyone who knows me a bit knows I hate children. Therefore I was not impressed by the children's age, but by their quality to find happiness in such weird ways.

After a couple of minutes I had to take another tube line to get me home. As I was waiting for the train I noticed a tall handsome guy who was dancing discreetly while whispering the lyrics of the song he was listening to. I realised a couple of  people were giving him evil stares even though he didn't make any noise or weird movements. After I got off the train I saw he lived on the same street as I do. He was singing quite loudly a cheesy Spice Girls song on his way home. He looked so happy, so content and so utterly brave doing so. I was mesmerized by his smile. A pure proof of enjoyment.

Why did I even notice these two incidents? Why did I even care?

Because I realised I was blinded for a moment. I let negativity and darkness cover my light. I let the shadow of self doubt and anxiety to erase -even momentarily- all the good moments and people in my life. It's so easy to forget you know. Life itself can be a trap sometimes. A trap to push you onto a routine of boredom, anxiety, sadness and misery.

Peace,
Lara



p.s. I got to thank my Goddess, Leo, for putting up with my emotional roller coaster today and making me smile <3

2013

It seems that most people didn't have a good 2013.
But then again, I remember last year on this same date people saying they had an awful 2012. And this happens every year to be fair.

2013 for me . . . it was extreme. I had the best and the worst times.
Nevertheless I choose to focus on the best, and learn from the worst.
It was the first time since 2010 that I spend such a long time in my hometown, Athens, Greece.
At first it was so hard to adapt that I was severely depressed for a couple of months. Things got better when I visited London for holidays, but the moment I returned I got worse.
Then, when I thought there was no hope for me in Athens; when I had already decided I was gonna seclude myself and I was distancing myself from my friends, something happened.
Things changed.
I met new people, I reconciled with people I wasn't so close to and I came closer to my mates, I got a job and I started enjoying my summer.
I quit the job and I experienced some really bad behaviour from a couple of people, but I didn't pay attention or energy to that.
This summer was one of the best summers of my life. I can only compare it to the summer of 2008 which was the peak of my lifetime in Greece so far. 
However, I had to leave again, even though I had just started adapting and enjoying myself; even though I had so many people around me I didn't want to leave back -again.

People don't realise how hard it is to be the one that leaves. When I moved to another Greek city for two years -for my studies- it took me months to adapt. I was travelling back to Athens at least once a month on the first year and every week on the second year. I hated the people in that city and I didn't think the city had anything to offer me. I got bullied and mistreated all the time, and I didn't even like what I was studying so, I left. But then I had to leave the friends I made there behind.

When I left was when I decided to move to London -for studies. I left in 2010 and I think it's one of the hardest things I've done in my life. I was crying throughout the whole flight. Imagine I had just turned 21 and I moved to a foreign country without any help, without any friends there. I don't think my friends in Greece realise how much I missed -and miss- them at times when I'm in London. My first year in London I was very depressed and I didn't really enjoy myself that much. Thankfully things changed on my second and third year. I was lucky to make really good friends whom I consider family. 

When I returned to Athens I was missing my London family a lot. Many people have asked me: -But aren't you used to it by now? Missing people since you are in London for a couple of months and then in Athens for the rest of the year. 
No, it never gets old, you never get used to it. I miss everyone equally and constantly when I'm away from them.

So 2013... I returned to London once more for a masters degree. That night of September when I had to say goodbye to my crew in Athens I was ready to cry. Well, I was already crying inside. It's an awful thing to grow away from people you care for. You both go on with your lives and follow different paths. There's always that danger that your paths will never meet again even if you return. It has happened to me before and believe me, it's unbearable.
The first months after my return in London have been a roller coaster: accommodation problems, struggling with my masters, trying to adapt once again, partying, crying, depression, drama, reunion of the family...

I have no clue what 2014 is gonna bring me. I'm hoping a masters certificate and health first and foremost. 
But I don't even remember why I started writing this :P
Anyhow I wish for all of us to be healthy, happy, and learn how to focus on the positive things in our lives.

To all my mates in every fucking country they might be right now:

Be extreme and don't give two shits. Love yourselves and take care!

Rave on! :D