2013

It seems that most people didn't have a good 2013.
But then again, I remember last year on this same date people saying they had an awful 2012. And this happens every year to be fair.

2013 for me . . . it was extreme. I had the best and the worst times.
Nevertheless I choose to focus on the best, and learn from the worst.
It was the first time since 2010 that I spend such a long time in my hometown, Athens, Greece.
At first it was so hard to adapt that I was severely depressed for a couple of months. Things got better when I visited London for holidays, but the moment I returned I got worse.
Then, when I thought there was no hope for me in Athens; when I had already decided I was gonna seclude myself and I was distancing myself from my friends, something happened.
Things changed.
I met new people, I reconciled with people I wasn't so close to and I came closer to my mates, I got a job and I started enjoying my summer.
I quit the job and I experienced some really bad behaviour from a couple of people, but I didn't pay attention or energy to that.
This summer was one of the best summers of my life. I can only compare it to the summer of 2008 which was the peak of my lifetime in Greece so far. 
However, I had to leave again, even though I had just started adapting and enjoying myself; even though I had so many people around me I didn't want to leave back -again.

People don't realise how hard it is to be the one that leaves. When I moved to another Greek city for two years -for my studies- it took me months to adapt. I was travelling back to Athens at least once a month on the first year and every week on the second year. I hated the people in that city and I didn't think the city had anything to offer me. I got bullied and mistreated all the time, and I didn't even like what I was studying so, I left. But then I had to leave the friends I made there behind.

When I left was when I decided to move to London -for studies. I left in January 2010 and I think it's one of the hardest things I've done in my life. I was crying throughout the whole flight. Imagine I had just turned 21 and I moved to a foreign country without any help, without any friends there. I don't think my friends in Greece realise how much I missed -and miss- them at times when I'm in London. My first year in London I was very depressed and I didn't really enjoy myself that much. Thankfully things changed on my second and third year. I was lucky to make really good friends whom I consider family. 

When I returned to Athens I was missing my London family a lot. Many people have asked me: -But aren't you used to it by now? Missing people since you are in London for a couple of months and then in Athens for the rest of the year. 
No, it never gets old, you never get used to it. I miss everyone equally and constantly when I'm away from them.

So 2013... I returned to London once more for a masters degree. That night on the 5th of September when I had to say goodbye to my crew in Athens I was ready to cry. Well, I was already crying inside. It's an awful thing to grow away from people you care for. You both go on with your lives and follow different paths. There's always that danger that your paths will never meet again even if you return. It has happened to me before and believe me, it's unbearable.
The first months after my return in London have been a roller coaster: accommodation problems, struggling with my masters, trying to adapt once again, partying, crying, depression, drama, reunion of the family...

I have no clue what 2014 is gonna bring me. I'm hoping a masters certificate and health first and foremost. 
But I don't even remember why I started writing this :P
Anyhow I wish for all of us to be healthy, happy, and learn how to focus on the positive things in our lives.

To all my mates in every fucking country they might be right now:

Be extreme and don't give two shits. Love yourselves and take care!

Rave on! :D

Freedom

Freedom can also be a person's choice to experiment on their perception, body, and soul; an effort to expand their consciousness; an attempt to evolve spiritually and explore their universe.

New beginnings New problems

After what happened to me in Bayswater I hoped my new accommodation would be better.
To be fair I moved in with one of my best mates, an Italian guy and a bulgarian guy -who were his housemates from before- and another one of my best mates moved in with me so, I thought things would be amazing.

I'm not gonna refer to every little detail but to cut a long story short:
-The bulgarian guy:

• Never follows the cleaning rota -aka has never cleaned the house in the 3-4 years he lives here
• Always wants things to happen his way no matter what -and he uses manipulation to achieve that very effectively
• Is abusive and violent towards his girlfriend (she confessed her story to me and even if half the shit she told me is true, this guy has to be arrested)
• Hosted his father for 2,5 years in his room without paying rent or bills for him for the biggest part of his stay (even though the landlord forbids us to host people for more than 3 weeks)
• Has trapped his girlfriend into our house, not allowing her to leave for the past 6 weeks without paying for her share of the bills or rent ofc (again the landlord forbids couples to share the same room in the house)
• Has bullied one of my best mates in front of my very eyes 
• Fights with his girlfriend all the time and sometime the screams, crying and yelling coming from the room are extreme
• Devalues education and has questioned my choice to do a masters degree very rudely
• Believes he is the shit because he's a builder and thinks anyone not working the way he does is worthless
• Judges me and my best mate for personal choices that are non of his business
• Has been extremely rude and provocative to me even though I'm 100% civil and typical towards him (and believe me it's not an easy thing for me to do)

-The manager:

• Is always polite and says yes to everything which leads to the bulgarian guy having an attitude like he owns the place
• Promised to tell the bulgarian guy off on the cleaning thing and the hosting people for months thing, but he chickened out and didn't say anything last night (we had a housemate meeting)
• Knows -for sure- what kind of shit person the bulgarian guy is and I'm also sure he suspects his abusive behaviour, and he says the couple's fights and lifestyle create an awkward situation, but says he doesn't like confrontation (ffs grow some balls fucker)
• Says this is a family house and we should be a family, blatantly ignoring the situation with the bulgarian guy
• Has taken him more than 3 weeks to give me and my mate the contract and now that he did our other mate is away on holidays so we have to wait for him to come back for all the housemates to sign -which means I don't have proof of address and I can't register with a GP, so if I get ill, I'm screwed
• In general doesn't recognise part of his responsibilities as a manager
• He has everyone pay the same rent even though his room is twice the size of the second biggest room in the house
• Didn't tell me we had a mouse problem before I moved in
• Hasn't fixed the kitchen ceiling in more than 1 year, so water from the shower drips close to the light bulb in the kitchen (we could get electrocuted)
• Hasn't fixed the ground floor toilet in more than 2 months 
• Hasn't done any proper maintenance for the house at all

(the bullet points that have to do with maintenance also have to do with the landlady that doesn't give a shit about anything but the money)

Update: i spoke to the manager and he said he wants me to stay so we came to the agreement that I will stay, but will not even have to speak to the other guy. Let's see how it goes.

Update 2: Things are not looking good. My mates and I are not even talking to the prick and he declared to the manager he wants us out of the house. He thinks it's us creating problems. Even though he has been playing mind games on us and tries to intimidates us -and does whatever the hell he wants- all the time. His girlfriend is living here still, secretly though and he said he's gonna host his father again! The manager says he's gonna move out by May which means the prick will most probably become the new manager. Therefore I'll have to find new accommodation before May, less than two months before my deadlines!

Update 3: It's March already and the bulgarian guy has been hosting his father for more than a month. Now he's hosting his brother as well. I decided to move out now rather than wait for May. So, I'm now trying to find a room in my uni's halls. Never lived in south London before, it's gonna be an interesting experience.

Update 4: I'm worried about my deposit. In this house you give the deposit to the one who left prior to your arrival. Hence I gave my deposit to the lady that rented the room before me. However, if the manager leaves by the end of the contract who is there to ensure the next tenant will give me my deposit? Also, the situation in the house is unacceptable. It's turned into a bulgarian commune! The bulgarian guy offered us 20 £ each for bills, but are you serious? His father has been living here for 2 months without permission and his brother for 3 weeks! Ofc we didn't accept the money. Moreover there are no cleaning products in the house and the ones that we have have expired since 2012! When I told the manager he promised to take care of it, but he didn't. The manager -after he found out everyone is moving out after the contract expires (and the fact that I want to move out sooner)- has been a little sneaky bitch; not that he wasn't before, but now it's way too obvious. He complaints about being a manager and not making anything out of it, even though he pays 300£ less on the rent he should pay, since he makes us all pay the same amount of money without taking under consideration the sizes of our rooms. Also, he charges us 120 £ each for bills, but we've never seen a receipt of the costs of the house. Bare in mind we also pay for cable tv even though he's the only one watching and I had to pay council tax even though I'm a full time student -which means I shouldn't.
My nerves are breaking down and I can't study in this house. I need my space and until I get it I'll go crazy. It's not easy to concentrate on my studies while no one here has consideration over me being a student. The manager told me the other day: "Relax and party, why study?". WTF MAN!

Update 5: The bulgarian guy hosted his girlfriend as well for a couple of days, plus has turned our house into a construction site! Even though the contract states clearly it's illegal to deliver any part of our business in/ from the house. Now his brother is cutting wood using a very loud and dangerous tool!
Moreover the landlady came by today and had a talk with one of my mates (and housemates) and he told her about the situation in the house (plus the repairs that are needed) and she had no fucking clue! Which means the fucking manager has been lying to us all along! I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE OR ELSE I'M GONNA TURN PARANOID!

Update 6: It's the end of March and today the landlady found out about everything. EVERYTHING! We spoke on the phone. She's coming today to evict the prick and talk to all of us.... Stressful!

Update 7; She didn't come, but the 'manager' who isn't actually the manager and had no right to make us pay the same rent even though our rooms are way smaller than his-as the landlady told me on the phone-, told us we will have to leave the house by the end of the contract with no right to leave beforehand. So I'm trapped in this shithole until the 17th of May. Which is 1 month before my deadlines... Just great. Also we won't get our deposit back until the end of the contract. Plus the bulgarian guy verbally attacked me -as he did with the landlady on the phone today- and tried to blame me -with no argument ofc. The fact that I'm the only woman in the house makes him think I'm the easy target as he's a sexist and misogynist. I can't live here no more seriously. the landlady chickened out and didn't come, the 'manager' almost cried today during the meeting and my two mates just can't be bothered with this situation. I'm on the verge of paranoia! I can't be disrespected like this and accept it! I wanna move out as soon as I can and fuck everything else! I got a fucking degree to fight for! And in this house it's just impossible!

Update 8: The noisy work is still taking place and when we confronted the bulgarian guy he lied about getting permission from the 'manager'. I need to get the fuck outta this place...

Update 9: The landlady came by today. The Bulgarian guy promised to stop all the shit. And I just found out my other housemate and 'manager' of the house isn't the manager and has been living rent free stealing money from the rest of the housemates.... Oh and the landlady's husband who's a prick as well said -concerning the money thing: "Well, at least you learnt something from this."
What a fucking bellend. Why are landlords in London such scumbags?

WTF

Update 10: We confronted the 'manager' and expect to see receipts and proof that he didn't steal our money.. let's see...

Update 11: It's early April and the manager is trying to involve the landlady who isn't really into it. Also hopefully I will move out next week.

Update 12: The 'manager' said he will only show us the receipts of the bills -to prove that what we've been paying reflects the bills and rent of the house- only if the landlady is there. She got ill so she couldn't come to out scheduled meeting on Friday. Then one of us asked the 'manager' to bring the receipts and when he did and the other person tried to read them the 'manager' flipped and started screaming that he's gonna call the police. He's disappeared ever since. I called the landlady just before the incident to ask whether I'd get my deposit if I left the house 1 month prior to the end of the contract and she said it's ok and if we all want we could just leave now and we'd get our deposits. She doesn't like that we're questioning the manager and she told me on the phone: "Why do you care about all that stuff? Why now? Why don't you all just leave the house and leave this?! No one has ever questioned the way money is managed in the house before!"
The little bitch thinks we don't know she had a secret 'arrangement' with the 'manager'. We're not stupid though and we realise they're both scum and the 'manager' has committed fraud.

Update 13: On Wednesday we got a meeting with the 'manager' and the landlady. Fucking hell is this never gonna end? On Thursday I'm moving out and hope I won't lose my deposit.

Update 14: The landlady revoked her permission for me to leave even though we had an arrangement and an agreement since last week. I have already booked a new place though. Just great...

Update 15: There is so much that has happened these days... I feel so weak and tired... I can't even begin to tell you about me and my mate going to civil bureau, then calling house shelter for advice, then me going to my uni's housing advice service, then having a housemate meeting with the landlady -and her husband- present.... In the end she will deduct the last rent from my deposit and I won't have to pay for bills and stuff. At least that's what she said. Let's see how it goes. We also confronted the 'manager' and he proved that what we've been paying is right (for 2-3 months). There's a lot more proof needed, but for the time being we have to wait. If all goes well, I'm also moving to my uni halls today.

Update 16: I moved out. So far the Halls of my uni are not that bad, but people here are a bit unfriendly and antisocial. On the 16th of April though, I will have to go and clean my room in the previous house and give the keys.

Confessions of a Rotten Heart (3)

I know you won't read this, and that makes this space a sacred diary.
Your ignorance towards my visual sanctuary gives me freedom to express myself in ways spoken words could never allow me to.

My everyday routine has been disrupted by my feelings.
I thought it was over; I thought I was 'ok'.
Well, I have been proven wrong.
I'm a mess. . .

I'm so unbearably in love with you that I even forget how to exist. . .
I know you don't feel the same.
I know you don't care about my feelings.
And I most certainly know that if you were aware of my feelings, two things could happen:
I. One is awkwardness; for our friendship to be ruined
II. The other is for you to exploit me; to use me to your benefit.

You have way too many personalities for me to keep up with; too many personalities for me to handle.
You have way too much darkness for me to fight.
You're like a black hole; destruction of my inner peace.

Το χρονικό της οδύνης - Το δράμα της διαμονής μου στο Bayswater

Καιρό με ρωτάνε πολλοί φίλοι από Ελλάδα τι έχω, γιατί δεν είμαι ευχαριστημένη στο στούντιο που υπενοικιάζω και τι συμβαίνει επιτέλους με τον ιδιοκτήτη του διαμερίσματος αυτού.
Σας είχα υποσχεθεί ότι θα γράψω την ιστορία εδώ ώστε να ενημερωθείτε όλοι περί της δραματικής κατάστασης στην οποία βρισκόμουν.

Και το έπος της διαμονής μου ξεκινάει κάπως έτσι:

Είναι καλοκαίρι είμαι πλατεία Εξαρχείων με τα παιδιά και μιλάω με τον Τάδε (έτσι θα αναφέρομαι στον τύπο από τον οποίο υπενοικίασα το στούντιο). Ο Τάδε είναι φίλος της κοπέλας ενός πολύ καλού μου φίλου στο Λονδίνο. Έχει έρθει Ελλάδα για διακοπές και τον προσκάλεσα να αράξει μαζί μας. Όσο τα λέγαμε λοιπόν ανέφερα ότι έψαχνα για σπίτι Λονδίνο ένεκα επιστροφής στη μάνα Αγγλία για να κάνω το μεταπτυχιακό μου. Και μου λέει ότι επειδή εκείνος θα ταξιδεύει για μήνες θέλει να βρει κάποιον να υπενοικιάσει το στούντιο που νοικιάζει σε μία από τις πιο ακριβές και κεντρικές περιοχές του Λονδίνου.
Έρχομαι Λονδίνο, έψαχνα μάταια για δωμάτιο για 2-3 εβδομάδες, αλλά συνειδητοποιώντας ότι τα ενοίκια έχουν εκτοξευθεί στα ύψη αποφάσισα να πάω να δω το δωμάτιο μήπως και το υπενοικιάσω.
Έκανα άπειρη ώρα να το βρω γιατί ενώ η μία πλευρά του δρόμου είχε ένα όνομα, η άλλη είχε άλλο. Τέλος πάντων, φτάνω και συναντώ μία φίλη του που είχε καθαρίσει το δωμάτιο για να μου το δείξει. 
Το στούντιο πολύ ωραίο με τη δική του ξεχωριστή κουζίνα και μπάνιο, μεγάλος χώρος και για 450 λίρες που είχαμε συμφωνήσει ήταν τέλειο. Η περιοχή απίστευτη και στην 1η ζώνη, 5 λεπτά το πολύ από το Hyde Park με τα πόδια.

Συμφωνήσαμε λοιπόν να μείνω για ένα μήνα δοκιμαστικά και μετά να του έλεγα αν θα έμενα παραπάνω. Με το που συμφωνήσαμε μου πέταξε κάτι υπονοούμενα ότι ο ιδιοκτήτης είναι λίγο περίεργος και ότι δε θα μπορώ να κάνω parties κλπ, αλλά αυτά μου φάνηκαν λογικά, οπότε και μετακόμισα.

Τη μέρα που μετακόμισα γνώρισα την Τάδε -έτσι θα αναφέρομαι στην τρανς κολλητή του Τάδε- στην οποία έδωσα και το 1ο ενοίκιο και η οποία με κατατόπισε για το σπίτι.

Και τώρα ξεκινάνε τα ωραία, τα οποία θα παραθέσω σε μορφή λίστας προς διευκόλυνση μου και σας. 
(Εδώ να προσθέσω ότι ο Τάδε είναι 35 ετών, Βραζιλιάνος, επαγγέλεται συνοδός πολυτελείας για κυρίες και κυρίους σε πλήρη απασχόληση και προμηθευτής παράνομων ουσιών σε μερική απασχόληση. Αυτά βέβαια για να χρηματοδοτήσει το ψώνιο του στη φωτογραφία -λέει)

• Αρχικά η Τάδε δεν είχε να μου δώσει κλειδί της κάτω πόρτας και έπρεπε να περιμένω να δανειστεί από κάποιον που είχε δεύτερο κλειδί, καθώς ο Τάδε δεν το είχε φροντίσει.
• Την 1η κι όλας εβδομάδα που είμαι εκεί η Τάδε μου λέει πως αν ο ιδιοκτήτης ή ο διαχειριστής με ρωτήσουν ποιά είμαι και τι κάνω εδώ θα πρέπει να πω ότι είμαι δική της φίλη και όχι του Τάδε, καθώς κανείς στο κτίριο δεν τον συμπαθεί.
• Ο διαχειριστής μου αναφέρει πως το boiler του κτιρίου είναι στο δωμάτιό μου και πως μπορεί να μπουν κάποια στιγμή για να το ρυθμίσουν επειδή έχει προβλήματα -υπονοώντας ότι δε θα με ειδοποιήσουν.
• 1-2 εβδομάδες αφότου είχα τακτοποιηθεί λαμβάνω ένα τηλεφώνημα από την Τάδε και μου λέει ότι ένας φίλος του Τάδε θέλει να πάρει κάτι πράγματα που έχει αφήσει στο σπίτι. Εγώ εφόσον ο Τάδε μου είχε πει πως ό,τι πει η Τάδε είναι νόμος δεν είχα λόγο πάνω στο θέμα. Το άτομο που ήταν να έρθει, ο -ας τον πούμε- Α, υποτίθεται πως θα με ειδοποιούσε. Αντ'αυτού απλά χτύπησε το κουδούνι μισή ώρα αργότερα από την ώρα που ήταν να έρθει. Και δεν ήταν μόνος! Είχε φέρει και τη γυναίκα του μαζί. Ο Α κι αυτός Βραζιλιάνος και η γυναίκα του Πολωνέζα, να μιλάνε σπαστά αγγλικά κι εγώ να προσπαθώ να συνεννοηθώ μαζί τους. Εξ αρχής μου φάνηκε ύποπτος και έστειλα στον Τάδε ότι έχει έρθει ο Α εδώ για να πάρει τα πράγματά του. Συνήθως όταν έχεις αφήσει τα πράγματά σου στο σπίτι κάποιου ξέρεις ακριβώς που τα άφησες και πας και τα παίρνεις από εκεί. Ο Α όμως άρχισε να ψάχνει παντού, ακόμα και στα δικά μου πράγματα και φυσικά του την είπα και τον ρώτησα γιατί ψάχνει παντού. Εκείνος ισχυρίστηκε πως ο Τάδε έχει μετακινήσει τα πράγματά του και είχε το θράσσος να με ρωτήσει αν μιλάω αγγλικά επειδή δεν καταλάβαινε τι έλεγα! Πέραν του ότι του έδωσα και μαύρες σακούλες επειδή δεν είχε για να βάλει τα πράγματα μέσα και δεν μου είπε ούτε ευχαριστώ, παραλίγο να σπάσει το κρεβάτι -είναι από αυτά που σηκώνεται το στρώμα- γιατί δεν ήξερε πώς να το κατεβάσει. Έμεινα μαλάκας εκεί που έβγαλε ένα νυφικό κι ένα γαμπριάτικο κουστούμι από την ντουλάπα. Γενικά προσπαθούσε να μου αποσπάσει την προσοχή συνεχώς κάνοντας ερωτήσεις και προφανώς νομίζοντας ότι είμαι ηλίθια. Προσπαθούσε με κάθε ευκαιρία να δείξει ότι έχει πολλά λεφτά και ότι δεν υπολογίζει τα έξοδα και γενικά είχε ιδιαίτερα προκλητική συμπεριφορά. Είχε αφήσει και τη γυναίκα του στο υπνοδωμάτιο μαζί μου, όσο αυτός έψαχνε και μετακινούσε πράγματα από την αποθηκούλα στο χωλ. Εγώ προφανώς και δεν μπορούσα να τον επιβλέψω γιατί θεώρησα πιο σημαντικό να είμαι στο υπνοδωμάτιο όπου ήταν τα δικά μου πράγματα, αλλά και η τηλεόραση και το στέρεο. Η γυναίκα του δεν είχε βάλει γλώσσα μέσα και μου έλεγε τον πόνο της και πως θα μετακομίσει στη Βραζιλία με τον Α κλπ κλπ. Κάποια στιγμή μου λέει πως είναι έτοιμοι να φύγουν, με χαιρετάνε λοιπόν και την κάνουν. Μετά από κάποιες ώρες συνειδητοποιώ ότι έχουν πάρει το χαρτί κουζίνας και μία μαύρη σακούλα που είχα αφήσει στο χωλ -που ευτυχώς είχε σκουπίδια μέσα. Λαμβάνω 10 ώρες μετά ένα μήνυμα από τον Τάδε που έλεγε να μην αφήσω τον Α να μπει στο σπίτι γιατί είναι κλέφτης. Του εξηγώ πως εκείνος μου είπε να κάνω ό,τι λέει η Τάδε οπότε και δε φέρω ευθύνη. Ο Τάδε συμφώνησε πως δεν έφταιγα εγώ και μου είπε από εδώ και πέρα να μην αφήσω ποτέ κανέναν να έρθει εκτός αν μου το πει  ο ίδιος γιατί έχει ένα παρελθόν το οποίο δε γνωρίζω και πολλοί τον ψάχνουν. Τι ωραία να μαθαίνεις κάτι τέτοιο για το άτομο στου οποίου το σπίτι μένεις όσο είναι μακρυά!
• Κάπου στη 2η εβδομάδα κι ενώ είχα 2 επισκέπτες -ακούγαμε μουσική και φτιάχναμε σούπα- κατά τις 10.30μμ ακούω δυνατά χτυπήματα στην πόρτα. Ανοίγω και είναι ο γείτονας εξαγριωμένος και μου λέει ότι κάνω φασαρία -ενώ ειλικρινέστατα δεν έκανα. Είπε πως με ακούει να αναπνέω και να περπατάω γιατί δεν υπάρχει ηχομόνωση και το κρεβάτι του ακουμπάει στον τοίχο μου. Ήταν αγενέστατος και με τάραξε ιδιαίτερα γιατί μου απαγόρευσε να ακούω μουσική. Να αναφέρω εδώ ότι έχει μωρό που κλαίει όλη μέρα κι όλη νύχτα στο σπίτι του.
• Κάπου στην 3η εβδομάδα γυρνάω σπίτι μετά τη σχολή και παρατηρώ ότι κάποια πράγματα έχουν μετακινηθεί και το φως στο χωλ είναι σβησμένο. Στέλνω στον Τάδε και του λέω ότι κάποιος είχε μπει στο σπίτι. Ειδοποιεί αυτός λοιπόν τον ιδιοκτήτη και ο ιδιοκτήτης παραδέχεται ευθαρσώς ότι μπήκε για να τσεκάρει τους ανιχνευτές καπνού. Η δικαιολογία του για το ότι δε με ειδοποίησε ήταν ότι δεν είχε τον αριθμό μου. Την επόμενη ημέρα μου ζήτησε συγνώμη βέβαια, και γενικά η συμπεριφορά του άλλαξε μόλις κατάλαβε ότι είναι φοιτήτρια και όχι πόρνη ή κάτι ανάλογο του Τάδε.
• Λίγο μετά ήρθε η Τάδε στο δωμάτιό μου να μου δώσει ένα άλλο κλειδί για την κάτω πόρτα -μισοσπασμένο- γιατί αυτό που μου είχε δώσει ήταν κάποιου άλλου, και μου είπε τα εξείς: Ο Τάδε όχι μόνο έκανε τρελλά parties στο δωμάτιό του και ενοχλούσε όλους τους ενοίκους, αλλά έφερνε και πελάτες και αγνώστους που έβρισκε στο διαδίκτυο. Επιπλέον για κάποιους μήνες φιλοξενούσε έναν άγνωστο  και του είχε δώσει και κλειδιά, ο οποίος μια μέρα έκλεψε πράγματα από τον Τάδε. Ο Τάδε λοιπόν πήγε στον ιδιοκτήτη και του τα ξέρασε όλα γιατί ήθελε να δει το υλικό από τις κάμερες των διαδρόμων του κτιρίου ώστε να δει πότε του έκλεψε τα πράγματα ο άγνωστος. Ο ιδιοκτήτης φυσικά έμεινε μαλάκας γιατί ο άγνωστος είχε κλειδί του κτιρίου εν αγνοία του και θα μπορούσε άνετα να είχε ξαφρίσει και τους άλλους ενοίκους. Κάπως έτσι ξεκίνησε η αντιπάθεια που έχουν όλοι προς τον Τάδε και κάπως έτσι εξηγείται ότι νομίζοντας πως είμαι φίλη του Τάδε όλοι με αντιπαθούσαν και έπρεπε να αποδείξω ότι δεν είμαι ελέφαντας.
• Ο Τάδε μου είχε πει να τον ειδοποιήσω 1 εβδομάδα πριν την ημέρα που θα άφηνα το σπίτι για να βρει κάποιον άλλον να το υπενοικιάσει. Εγώ έψαχνα, αλλά δυστυχώς δεν είχα βρει κάτι. 2-3 μέρες πριν να ολοκληρωθεί ο ένας μήνας του έστειλα να του πω ότι θα πλήρωνα όχι για ολόκληρο τον επόμενο μήνα, αλλά για 2 εβδομάδες γιατί σκόπευα να μετακομίσω -δεν άντεχα να μένω άλλο εκεί. Εκείνος όμως μου είπε ότι του το είπα τελευταία στιγμή και ότι αν θέλω να μείνω έστω και 1 ημέρα παραπάνω πρέπει να πληρώσω ολόκληρο το μήνα. Επιπλέον υπενόησε ότι μου έκανε και χάρη που έδινα 450 λίρες εφόσον εκείνος κανονικά πληρώνει 960. Εγώ έψαξα μανιωδώς, αλλά δε βρήκα κάτι μέσα στις 3 ημέρες οπότε και αναγκάστηκα να πληρώσω όλο το μήνα και να παγιδευτώ εκεί για άλλον ένα μήνα. 
• Κάποιες μέρες μετά από αυτό άρχισε να χτυπάει ο συναγερμός του boiler μες τη μάυρη νύχτα και να μη σταματάει. Την επόμενη μέρα και αφότου ήρθε ο διαχειριστής να δει τι έγινε έμαθα ότι ήταν ο συναγερμός από το γκάζι. Δηλαδή υπήρχε περίπτωση να υπάρχει διαρροή γκαζιού!
• Το boiler πολλές φορές έκανε διάφορους θορύβους και δε με άφηνε να κοιμηθώ, αλλά αφότου έμαθα και για το γκάζι ζούσα με το φόβο ότι ανά πάσα στιγμή θα γίνει έκρηξη.
• Λίγες μέρες πριν τη λήξη του 2ου μήνα μου έστειλε ο Τάδε να μου πει ότι θα έρθει μία φίλη του να πάρει κάποια πράγματά της από το σπίτι, αλλά ευτυχώς δεν ήρθε -αν και ο Τάδε με ειδοποίησε μισή ώρα αφότου θα έπρεπε να έχει έρθει.
• Ο Τάδε κάποιες φορές ήταν τρομερά αγενής στα μηνύματά του και κάποιες υπερβολικά γλυκός πράγμα που με σύγχυζε και δεν ήξερα πως να τον αντιμετωπίσω. Εκ των υστέρων έμαθα ότι έτσι κάνει γενικά για να περνάει το δικό του.
• 5 μέρες πριν τη λήξη του 2ου μήνα μου στέλνει ότι σε μισή ώρα θα είναι στο σπίτι χωρίς να μου πει αν έρχεται για να μείνει. Τελικά ήρθε να πάρει κάποια πράγματά του κι έφυγε, αφότου έπεσε τρελλό γλύψιμο και προσπαθούσε να με καλοπιάσει.
• 3 μέρες πριν τη λήξη του 2ου μήνα -και τελευταίου εφόσον είχα βρει ήδη άλλο σπίτι- μου έστειλε όχι μόνο λέγοντας μου ότι θέλει να φύγω 2 μέρες νωρίτερα, αλλά και απαιτώντας να πληρώσω για καθαρίστρια. Θεώρησε ότι δεν κρατούσα το σπίτι αρκετά καθαρό για τα γούστα του και έπρεπε να το αφήσω όπως μου το έδωσε αυτός -άσχετα με το ότι κι εγώ όταν μπήκα μέσα το ξανακαθάρισα γιατί ήταν τσαπατσούλικο το καθάρισμα που είχε κάνει η καθαρίστρια. Το οποίο σπίτι καθάριζα τουλάχιστον 1 φορά την εβδομάδα και ό,ποιος/α με ξέρει γνωρίζει ότι είμαι μανιακή με το να κρατάω το χώρο μου καθαρό και σε τάξη. Εκεί ξέσπασα φυσικά και του την είπα για όλα μαζεμένα.
• Το 2ο μήνα που έμενα στο σπίτι έμαθα ότι ο Τάδε είχε κάνει διάφορα σε πολύ κόσμο. Για παράδειγμα δημιούργησε πρόβλημα στο φίλο μου και την κοπέλα του που μου τον σύστησαν. Εξαιτίας του τούς έκαναν έξωση γιατί κατά τις επισκέψεις τους τούς δημιούργησε προβλήματα. 
• Ένα άλλο καλό που έκανε είναι ότι υπενοικίασε το διαμέρισμα του φίλου του που τον φιλοξένησε όταν ήρθε Ελλάδα χωρίς να του το πει. Οπότε γύρισε ο φίλος στο διαμερισμά του για να το βρει πουτάνα. Και έμαθε μετά ότι ο Τάδε έβγαλε λεφτά υπενοικιάζοντας το δωμάτιο σε κάτι άσχετες.
• Γενικά έχει κάνει μαλακίες παντού και πολλοί τον ψάχνουν. Ίσως ήταν και ένας λόγος που μου είπε να μη λέω που είναι και πότε θα γυρίσει.

Τελικά έφυγα μία μέρα πριν το κλείσιμο του 2ου μήνα και αυτό για να μην τον πληρώσω για όσα πράγματα είχα χρησιμοποιήσει στο σπίτι (χαρτί υγείας, κουζίνας κλπ).  Μέχρι και την τελευταία στιγμή εγώ ήμουν σωστή απέναντί του. Όταν του έδωσα τα κλειδιά άρχισε τα καλοπιάσματα, αλλά του είπα ναι μεν τον ευχαριστώ για το ότι με άφησε να μείνω σπίτι του, αλλά τέλος και δε θέλω να τον ξαναδώ. Εκείνος δεν καταλάβαινε τι έχει κάνει λάθος. 


Αυτή ήταν η ιστορία του Bayswater που με έμαθε πολλά, αλλά με καταρράκωσε ψυχολογικά. Ακόμη δεν έχω συνέλθει από όλο τον αρνητισμό και τα απανωτά χτυπήματα.

Ελπίζω να μην ξανά ακούσω ποτέ νέα του Τάδε και να μη με ξαναενοχλήσει. Τώρα ελπίζω να καταλαβαίνετε γιατί καθυστέρησα τόσο να σας ενημερώσω. Είναι ένα θέμα που και είναι ιδιαίτερα δυσάρεστο και θα μου έπαιρνε πολύ χρόνο να εξηγήσω.

Σας φιλώ,
Λάρα

Truth and agony I

There are some people out there who spread unhappiness and misery.

They feed off rage and sadness. They try to destroy anything positive in other people's lives and then pretend they wanna help and care.

Do not fall for their pretenses. Do not fall for their tricks.
Wide smiles sometimes hide evil intentions.

Be aware of who you trust. Be aware of the ones who are the root of many people's problems.

Do not forget. Do not succumb to being nice to these people.
Just get as far away as you can from them. Do not let them leech on your happiness and positivity.

Any person you suspect has negative energy towards you has no place in your life.

Protect yourself, your happiness and your positivity.

Peace 

Post-Birthday Happiness

Last Monday I was so sad, yet today I'm overflowing with happiness and gratitude.
This has been one of the best, most surreal and happiest weeks of my life.

Being surrounded by friends, partying, laughing, even just spending time together. . .
It's such a mind blowing thing to be loved by the people you love. . .

I'm not getting into details since shit got real :P , but it was an amazing week and I wish these good days just keep coming.

 For me, for you, for everyone.

Random Thoughts XX

It's such an important thing to surround yourself with positivity.People, places, thoughts that make you happy.It's such an important thing to have love in your life.Be able to both give and take.It's such an important thing to be creative, be yourself and live your life.Never let anyone but yourself choose the path you will follow.

Pro-birthday Melancholy (?)

It's that time of the year again.
You know when you're gonna have a good b.day and you know when you're gonna have a bad b.day. I feel like this year the latter will be the case.
I could be wrong -I wish. However I highly doubt it.

25. . . what does that entail? that I will grow up? that I will find a job and start functioning like an 'adult'? that I will try to become 'mature'?

Fuck all that. I don't want to 'grow up', I don't want to get a job that will pay me just enough to pay for my rent and go to my job, I don't want to stop getting pierced and tattooed, I don't want to have 'normal' hair, I don't want to dress 'properly', I don't want to stop raving/partying/travelling/having a good time, I don't want to compromise my dreams/myself, I don't want to stop studying -ever- even though I might not even want to work on the field I studied, I don't want to lose weight -yep, there are some of us who don't want to even if 'society' says they should-, I don't want to watch tv, I don't want to follow orders or respect any kind of authority, I don't wanna conform to anything that isn't true to myself...
In a nutshell, I don't want to do anything I don't want to do.

You'd think that by the time someone is 25 they'd get a job and become part of the machine. I have no intention whatsoever to become part of any fucking machine, unless it helps the environment, animals, humans and spreads health and positivity. To my knowledge there is no such thing since "the machine" refers to something totally different.

Some of the people reading this might think I'm a very spoiled person. But before judging me for my persistence on only doing things I want to do let me tell you a couple of things first.

I strongly believe that to appreciate happiness you have to go through hell.
And I have been. I've been bullied, I've been stalked, I've been discriminated against, I've been cheated on, I've been attacked, I've been through some major health issues a number of which I will have to live with for the rest of my life, I've been suicidal, I'm ocd and bipolar -which many times leads to depression- and the list could actually go on a bit further, but I shall stop here.

Even my closest friends don't know most of the things I've been through and that has been my choice all along. Why? Because I don't want to focus on that. Because if I focus on the bad things I won't be able to live the good moments, and there have been plenty of them in my life as well.
However if I hadn't been through so much shit I wouldn't have been able to appreciate these good moments; I wouldn't have been able to foresee them coming and let myself indulge in them. I would have probably just ignored them.
Moreover I don't want to feed off misery. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness".* Yes, you can, but I don't want to. I choose life.**
I don't know when I actually made this choice. I think it happened somewhere along the way this year.

I have seen a major transformation in me the past couple years; an inner transformation.
Embracing your darkness without letting it devour your light isn't an easy task. I do have a long way to go -still- as I am naturally drawn to darkness, nevertheless I'm trying to find my light and have it co-exist with my darker side. The darkness being the inspiration, and the light being the motivation.

So no, I won't succumb to the trap of 'growing up'; of working to make money for someone who doesn't give a shit about you and makes 100 times what you make without working as hard; of dressing in a certain way I don't like; of acting a certain way I don't like; of not using my brain; of not being creative and artistic; of not studying whatever the hell I want, just because I want to acquire knowledge; of eating gmo food; of not loving myself etc.

This article/confession/who-knows-what-the-hell-it-really-is started off as a very negative piece of writing. And here comes the bipolar effect when one second you're laughing, next you're crying and vice versa.

I don't know how tomorrow will play out. I'm hoping for the best, expecting both the worst and the best and just wish for health and happiness. For me, for you, for everyone.

Happy birthday to me,

P.S
* lyric from the song 'Somebody I used to know'
**phrase from the movie 'Trainspotting'

Random Thoughts XVIX

Some people are just not worth it.

Worth your anger, your rage, your. . . any reaction.

Do not give them the pleasure of recognising their pitiful existence in any way. 

Ignore the fuck out of them.

Now breathe and eat some pretzels.

Random Thoughts XVIII

“Some people are just not meant to have love in their lives, ‘that special someone’.
And in order to survive you do have to come to terms with that fact.”

Το πιο όμορφο καλοκαίρι/ Ένας απρόβλεπτος χειμώνας

"Είναι πολλά που θα ήθελα να πω·
Να πω σε όλους αυτούς που άφησαν το στίγμα τους σε μένα.
Είναι πολλά που θα ήθελα να γράψω·
Να γράψω για τις όμορφες στιγμές αυτού του καλοκαιριού.

Καθώς ξεπηδάνε μωβ/μπλε ρυάκια νερού στη μπανιέρα, βλέπωντας να ξεπλένονται τα υπολείμματα χρώματος που άφησε η βαφή πάνω στο σώμα μου λόγω του ιδρώτα -του ιδρώτα από το χορό- και να χάνονται στο κενό, αρχίζω να αναλογίζομαι αυτό το καλοκαίρι.

Όταν επέστρεψα από το Λονδίνο -τη δεύτερη φορά που το επισκέφθηκα αφότου αποφοίτησα από τη σχολή μου- είχα πέσει σε κατάθλιψη.
Ένιωθα κενή. Μου έλειπαν οι φίλοι μου, μου έλειπε ο τρόπος ζωής, τα raves, τα parties, τα τα τα . . .
Είχα προκαθορίσει την κατάληξη του καλοκαιριού. Πίστευα πως θα είναι η χειρότερη εποχή της ζωής μου. . .

Κι όμως, πόσο λάθος έκανα. Σε λιγότερο από 24 ώρες φεύγω πάλι για Λονδίνο -για μεταπτυχιακό αυτή τη φορά. Ύστερα από έξι περίπου μήνες που είμαι στην Ελλάδα χωρίς να έχω επισκεφθεί το Λονδίνο πίστευα ότι θα ήθελα να φύγω τρέχωντας.

Και όμως. . .
Αυτό το καλοκαίρι μου έδωσε τόσα πολλά, τόσες φιλίες, τόσες εμπειρίες. . . "


Βρήκα τα παραπάνω γραμμένα σε ένα πρόχειρο φύλλο.

Τα είχα γράψει στιγμές πριν επιστρέψω στο Λονδίνο.
Νέα αρχή. Ξανά.

Πάνω που είχα συνηθίσει την Αθήνα, είχε βρει τους ρυθμούς μου, είχαμε κάνει ένα γαμάτο παρεάκι (ω ναι, παρτάραμε τόσο που κάναμε την Αθήνα Λονδίνο) έπρεπε να γυρίσω πίσω.

Συνήθως χαιρόμουν όταν ερχόταν αυτή η στιγμή. Όμως αυτή τη φορά όλα ήταν διαφορετικά: το πόσο όμορφα πέρασα το καλοκαίρι μου, αλλά και το πόσο αβέβαια θα ήταν τα πράγματα στο Λονδίνο.
Η παρέα του Λονδίνου έχει διασκορπιστεί. Άλλοι έφυγαν, άλλοι μένουν μακρυά ο ένας από τον άλλον. Δε μένουμε πια στις εστίες όλοι μαζί. Δεν είμαστε όλοι φοιτητές πλέον.

Μπροστά στη νέα πραγματικότητα του Λονδίνου τα Εξάρχεια φαντάζουν ονειρικά.
Το δέσιμο, οι εμπειρίες, οι κοντινές αποστάσεις· είχαν όλα κάτι από τη λάμψη του ιδανικού, του ονείρου των τριών χρόνων στις εστίες.

Όμως δε θα προσκολληθώ στο παρελθόν. Έχω περάσει πολλές ωραίες στιγμές στη ζωή μου.
Από τις εποχές του αράγματος στα σκαλάκια στο Σύνταγμα, τα φοιτητικά μου χρόνια στην Πάτρα, τις κορυφαίες στιγμές στο Λονδίνο, τα ταξίδια μου και το καλοκαίρι αυτό στα Εξάρχεια.

Ομολογώ το βρίσκω δύσκολο να πρέπει να προσαρμοστώ σε λίγες μέρες σε όσα προσαρμόστηκαν οι φίλοι μου εδώ σε ένα χρόνο. Όμως ξέρω πως σιγά σιγά θα δημιουργηθούν νέες όμορφες στιγμές, νέες αξέχαστες εμπειρίες, νέες παρέες και φιλίες -χωρίς βέβαια αυτό να σημαίνει ότι θα ξεχαστούν έστω και στο ελάχιστο οι παλιές- και σίγουρα νέες περιπέτειες.

Ναι, φέτος κάνω το μεταπτυχιακό μου οπότε σίγουρα θα είναι πιο έντονοι οι ρυθμοί, όμως έχω μάθει να φέρνω τις καταστάσεις στα μέτρα μου.

Είμαι ίσως από τους τυχερούς ή απλά η θέλησή μου να είμαι συλλέκτρια όμορφων στιγμών συνέβαλε στην απόκτηση αυτών των εμπειριών.

Οι ευχές μου για το νέο ακαδημαϊκό έτος είναι να είμαστε όλοι καλά -σωματικά και ψυχικά, να αγαπάμε και να αφήνουμε να μας αγαπάνε και φυσικά να παρτάρουμε ανελέητα και να λιώσουμε στις κρεπάλες!

RAVE ON BITCHEZ <3

Random Thoughts XVII

Those sleepless nights,

when you feel you've been so used to his presence,

that you don't think you can exist without him no more.

Do you love you?

I remember 5 years ago when I was hanging out in Patras' main square with a couple of friends a homeless guy came and sat with us.
He was a foreigner, too skinny, tall and he looked pretty dirty. He was holding a beer on one hand.
He started mumbling something about where he came from and his life in Greece.
The guys stood up and were ready to leave when he came close to me and said:
-I got one think to ask you if that's ok.
-Sure.
He looked at me in the eyes and asked:

-Do you love you?
I think I hesitated for a bit and then replied:
-Of course I do.
I still remember I felt so weird when he asked me. I still remember I wasn't sure of my reply.

And I'm so glad that today being the person I am if he asked again I'd reply the same thing without any hesitation at all.

I hope he's doing well, asking people the things they're scared to ask themselves.

:)

Lara-looking-for-a-job Chronicles

I'd been offered so many weird positions/jobs that I thought I should make a list of them just to entertain myself.

So there you have it:

• old guy who's looking for a 'secretary' 
• old guy who wanted an assistant to travel with him to other cities (to have sex with him)
• guy who wanted a cleaner (with sexy underwear or sexy costumes)
• guy who wanted a girl to have sex with (offering a shit load of money if she hadn't been paid for sex before and even more if she had kids)
• guys who wanted naked models
• guys who wanted to foot worship 
• tram driver who wanted to take naked pictures of me (to advertise tattoos supposedly)
• guy who wanted to hire a callgirl
• guy looking for an oriental dancer (and he was also hitting on me)
• guy from Dubai randomly messaging me on facebook offering me to be his personal assistant (but more like a slave kind of thing . . .)
• guy who wanted my fb to see my pictures (he was also very rude), instead of an employee he was most probably looking for a girlfriend

*** Needless to say I have declined each and every one of them***

46 days without meat and counting

Wow! I never thought I could make it this far! I'm very very surprised. I'm also very happy I quitted eating meat.
I still eat fish and seafood, but I will eventually stop eating those as well.
So how have these 46 days been for me?
Weird! 
Sometimes I do feel tired and dizzy -but I don't know if this has to do with me not eating meat- so I'm taking neurobion (b2, b6, b12) and omega 3 vitamins. I guess I got to buy meat substitutes as well soon. I shall go veggie shopping this week and update this post!
I have been eating vegetables (daily), fish (1-2 times a week), seafood (once every 2 weeks at least), fruit (once every 10 days -I know I should eat more often, but I don't like fruit that much), rice (3-4 times a month), legumes (4-5 times a month), pasta (6-7 times a month) and I tried soya meat a couple of times as well (it was very nice!). Moreover I drink loads of water and even though I know I shouldn't I drink at least 500ml of lipton ice tea a day. I also reduced the amount of salt I was eating (it was salt with food, not food with salt) -however I had a little relapse these days, but I'm working on it!!!

Eating healthier, trying to control what you consume and what kind of products you use in general are huge steps into changing your lifestyle. You will feel better believe me. You could just try for 10 days and then decide what works better for you. However the way we're brought up eating artificial and junk food, breathing car fumes, living in polluted cities it's like we haven't been given the choice to lead a healthy lifestyle. So create the choice for yourself!


Update: 23/3/2014 It's been one year and a week and I feel great! I do eat fish sometimes though :) Research and believe me you will realise meat isn't needed in our lives ^_^ As a vegan bodybuilder said "put life in you not death." However, everyone is free to make their own choices. 

Update: 4/2/2017 It's been almost for years that I quit eating meat and over 3 years that I quit eating fish, and a year since I started trying to be more eco-friendly.
Feeling good!

Peace

Depressed in Athens. . .

when there is nothing to live for 

and there is nothing to die for 

you're just drifting between existence and nothingness.

Just a fracture of today's thoughts . . . (II)

"Time is passing by

Looking through my window

Leafs are turning brown

I am now a widow

Lost my heart and soul

To this tough reality

Trying to write a song

Doom, despair, fatality"

Just a fracture of today's thoughts . . .

"Nightmares, creatures of the night and she.
There is no other place to be.
Running towards a hope of exit 
But she can’t find it.
Blurry, lack of motivation

Wrong interpretation"

Seven days without meat and counting. . .

I don't know something has changed lately. I have changed. 
It's not the documentaries, the articles, the campaigns that convinced me.
It's just my brain telling me I was so stupid, cruel and ignorant all these years.
Now I realised why PETA and people who support animal rights post all these cruel videos.
The reason is people don't get it otherwise!
They need to see pure violence and bloodbaths to understand what's going on.
As a hemophobic I keep my distance from the sight of blood. 
However I suggest you watch the documentaries and posts of vegans and supporters of animal rights.
You will realise you are the problem.
We are the problem; and millions of animals suffer cruel deaths and torture because of us every day.
There is high demand. If there was no demand, animals would be free. And we would be humans.
I consider utterly hypocritical saying you love animals, and then eating them. Unless you got the balls to kill the animal with your own hands, paying respect to the life you took to eat, do not eat meat.
Going to fast food restaurants has destroyed us all. We are going to a place where selling dead bodies of tortured animals is legal. We eat them. I can't believe I hadn't realised this all these years!
I need good karma in my life and positive energy. Consuming meat coming from a tortured soul isn't good energy for sure. Have you ever wondered about the quality of life of the animals you eat?
Why do we let a mere desire -as I consider liking the taste of meat to be- to control our lives? 
People say 'I like it". Well, pedophiles like raping little children is that right? NO. So, why can't we control ourselves and behave? Are humans so weak?
I got so many questions about being vegan and vegeterian! Where can you buy food? Is it true that you need meat to survive? Is it natural for humans to be carnivores (because everyone's argument for eating meat is that our teeth are designed for it)? Do you need supplements or vitamins once you stop eating meat? Is it true that the toxines found in meat are the cause of bowel Cancer? I will start researching soon, and I hope to be strong and stay away from meat for ever or for as long as possible.