Fear

Example 1:

-Hello love, what's your name?
-....
-Oi gimme a smile!
-...
-You're beautiful!
-....
-Cunt, you're ugly and fat anyway!
-???

Many times as I walk on the street I get catcalled and harassed by men.
I can actually count on one hand the times I have been inappropriately approached by women. Those times account for less than 0.5% of all the catcalling and harassment I have received in my whole life.

If I talk to those people they start being creepy, asking where I live or if I have a boyfriend. If I don't talk to them they start insulting me. Even if I try to politely avoid them they're not having it. Sometimes people on the street or clubs have gotten physical. Other times they have followed me to see where I live.
They feel entitled to a response; me giving my phone number and even having sex with them. They think they have the right to touch me or even grope me and follow me around.
I have been asked before -on the street- by people if I want to have sex with them, and when I said no they insulted me and attacked my gender.

Example 2:

(Insert offensive subject here that has been posted online by a sexist/misogynist/racist/homophobe/transphobe,body shamer, bully etc)

Me: Abuse and bullying are wrong, we should be more considerate of one another and stop shaming.
Other commentators:
-Fuck you cunt!
-Go back to your kitchen!
-Shut up you slut!
-You're ugly and fat anyway no one's gonna shag ya!
-Die!

I have been active on the internet for the past 8-9 years. Ever since I have received plenty of cyberbullying and online abuse. Again, following the same pattern of example 1, 99.99999% of the time it's males who attack me.

If I offend them and fight back it just becomes worse. If I don't reply they still won't stop as more and more new people will comment and attack me. When I reply and I present a valid argument they just resort to trolling and bullying.
Some people will stalk me online and start posting my personal info. Some others will falsely report me. Others send me private messages offending me in the worst way and then block me so I can't respond.
They want to demean me, they want to show that they're winning, they want to abuse me and attack me personally in public (even though I'm just an online stranger). They feel they have the right to do all those things because I disagree with them, because I show them that they can't see past their privilege and that they're ignorant. They hold a grudge against feminism -usually without even knowing what it is or what it represents- and they're misogynists and sexists.

I'm not even going to mention the abuse I received when I used online dating and how cruel and rude men were if I didn't respond, or if I dared tell them I'm not interested. They just couldn't accept it and unless I told them I'm in a relationship they would tear me apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could go into much more detail and mention other examples, but I believe you get the point. And the point is: as a female I don't feel safe and 99% of the time a man approaches me I feel threatened.

Every person has the right to feel safe and I fail to understand how some people choose to ignore that.

I don't get how anyone feels entitled to threaten and harass anyone anywhere just because they want to.

I don't get how anyone gets joy from making people suffer whether that happens online or outside of the internet.

I don't get how I have less rights because I'm a woman.

I feel desperate when I see people thinking I owe them anything just because I'm a female or that I exist for their purposes (eg them looking at me in pervy ways) or that I have to fit in the little box they have in their head about female identity and roles; the box that patriarchy embedded on their little brains.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Straight women & men, gays, lesbians, agender folks, gender fluid folks, trans men & women etc we're all EQUAL.
We should have the same rights, we should be given the same opportunities, we should receive the same support and above all:

We should ALL feel safe.

Λεσβία.

Θυμάμαι το 2005 που πήγαινα 2α λυκείου και φροντιστήριο, ένας από τους καθηγητές εκεί μου έκανε ιδιαίτερο για λίγο καιρό στο σπίτι.
Ο εν λόγω καθηγητής κουτσομπόλευσε με τους άλλους καθηγητές το γεγονός ότι το δωμάτιό μου είχε καλλιτεχνικές αφίσες με γυμνά σώματα, γυναικεία και αντρικά σε διάφορους συνδυασμούς.
Ένας άλλος καθηγητής που τον άκουσε, άρχισε να διαδίδει ότι είμαι λεσβία επειδή κάποιες από τις αφίσες μου είχαν γυμνές γυναίκες να είναι αγκαλιά ή να φιλιούνται κλπ (αγνοώντας ότι είχα ανάλογες αφίσες και με τα δύο φύλα).
Από όλους τους καθηγητές του φροντιστηρίου μόνο μία καθηγήτρια με υποστήριξε, λέγοντας ότι η τέχνη δεν κοιτά φύλο και ότι επειδή οι ίδιοι οι καθηγητές του φροντιστηρίου έχουν κλειστά μυαλά, αυτό δε σημαίνει ότι μπορούν να κρίνουν και να κατακρίνουν.

Από τότε, πολλές φορές έχω 'κατηγορηθεί' ότι είμαι λεσβία (γιατί στην Ελλάδα το να μην είσαι ετεροφυλόφιλος είναι προσβολή μάλλον) είτε λόγω της εμφάνισής μου, είτε λόγω της συμπεριφοράς και του δυναμισμού μου, είτε λόγω του ότι υποστηρίζω τη λοατ κοινότητα.

Τα στερεότυπα που προστάζουν τη γυναίκα να είναι υποτακτική, να υπάρχει μόνο για τα μάτια των ερεροφυλόφιλων ανδρών και να καθορίζεται η εμφάνισή της από τα θέλω τους, να της αρέσουν και να την ενδιαφέρουν μόνο 'ασφαλή' και ακίνδυνα θέματα υποδεικνύουν πως ό,ποια γυναίκα δεν είναι τοιουτοτρόπως είναι λεσβία.
Και είτε είναι είτε όχι, τιμωρείται για αυτή της την ανυπακοή με δημόσια διαπόμπευση και λεκτική (πολλές φορές και σωματική) βία.

Οπότε θέλω εδώ να αναφέρω πως δε χρειάζεται να είσαι λεσβία για να σέβεσαι τον εαυτό σου, να είσαι δυναμική, να έχεις ενδιαφέροντα, να είσαι ακτιβίστρια, να είσαι κύρια (ή κυρία;) του εαυτού σου, να ξέρεις τι θέλεις και να το διεκδικείς· το μόνο που χρειάζεται είναι να είσαι γενναία, δυνατή και ενημερωμένη. 

Παλιά όταν κάποιος με έλεγε λεσβία ένιωθα την ανάγκη να απολογηθώ και να εξηγήσω: 1. ότι δεν είμαι λεσβία και 2. ότι και να ήμουν δε θα έπρεπε να αποτελεί αυτό πρόβλημα.

Αν όμως το να είσαι λεσβία στην Ελλάδα είναι συνώνυμο όλων των παραπάνω, τότε όλοι και όλες θα έπρεπε να είμαστε λεσβίες.

"I believe in you": A supportive message or a source of anxiety?

"I believe in you."

The pressure of this phrase has been weighing on my shoulders since I was a little kid.

I know you'll think "Pressure? It's such a positive phrase!"

But really, is it?

What "I believe in you" implies is more like "I believe you can make it so, I'm expecting you to make it."

Therefore what it really shows is others' expectations of you to succeed. 

In addition to that that expectation usually connotes others' unwillingness to help you, since they have already predetermined you can make it on your own.

Expectations can be problematic; especially when coming from others towards the results of your efforts on any aspect. 

Expectations can be highly stressful and block you from doing things your own way and/or for your own sake.

Expectations force you to try to please those who "believe in you."

You feel you have to return to those people because they gave you that phrase, "I believe in you."

When people "believe in you", they are less inclined to assist you, presuming "you already got this."

Or maybe it's an excuse so they won't have to ask whether you need help or support.

Because if they ask, they're committing to provide any kind of support you may seek after. 

So please, before you say "I believe in you", question your motives and thoughts. Do not throw this phrase around without thinking beforehand.

Because to some it may be a great source of power and inspiration, but to some others it can be the beginning of endless anxiety and depression.

Αθωώθηκαν βιαστές έφηβης

Αθωώθηκαν οι βιαστές έφηβης σε πόλη της επαρχίας.

Μπορεί αυτή η ιστορία να ανήκει στο παρελθόν, αλλα δυστυχώς καθρευτίζει και το παρόν.

Καθότι το να είσαι γυναίκα στην Ελλάδα -και ειδικά αν είσαι και αλλοδαπή όπως η κοπέλα στο άρθρο- σε κάνει πολίτη β' κατηγορίας.

Από τα εφηβικά μου χρόνια θυμάμαι σιχαμένα και γλοιώδη βλέματα ανδρών στο δρόμο όποτε τολμούσα να φορέσω ντεκολτέ. Αλλά το πρόβλημα ξεκινά από πιο πριν. 
Ακόμη και στο σχολείο θεωρούνταν φυσιολογικό από το δημοτικό τα αγόρια να χουφτώνουν τα κορίτσια χωρίς τη θέλησή τους και να τρυπώνουν στις τουαλέτες προσπαθώντας να δουν τα κορίτσια γυμνά στην πιο προσωπική στιγμή που μπορεί να έχει κανείς· το να πάει στην τουαλέτα.
Και φυσικά όσο μεγάλωνα έβλεπα τους εφήβους και ύστερα τους άνδρες να αντιμετωπίζουν τις γυναίκες με τρόπο χυδαίο και προσβλητικό.
Θυμάμαι σχόλια απρεπή και αγενή.
Θυμάμαι το θυμό των ανδρών που μου "μιλούσαν" στο δρόμο και τις προσβολές τους όταν είτε τους αγνοούσα είτε τους απαντούσα να με αφήσουν ήσυχη. Θυμάμαι άτομα με τα οποία είχα βγει και είχαν απαιτήσεις σεξουαλικού περιεχομένου -ακόμη και από το πρώτο ραντεβού- χωρίς να τους έχω δώσει το δικαίωμα. Θυμάμαι άτομα που είχα σεξουαλικές σχέσεις και είτε με κακομεταχειρίστηκαν είτε προσπάθησαν να με εξαναγκάσουν να κάνω πράγματα που δεν ήθελα, μόνο και μόνο επειδή ήθελαν εκείνοι.
Και δυστυχώς οι περισσότερες γυναίκες περνάνε τα ίδια και χειρότερα σε καθημερινή βάση.

Πού να ήμουν/έμοιαζα και ξένη, ίσως σε πολλές περιπτώσεις παρενόχλησης να με βίαζαν επί τόπου χωρίς 2η σκέψη.

Οι γυναίκες δεν υπάρχουν ως θέαμα για τα μάτια των ανδρών. Δεν είμαστε σεξουαλικά αντικείμενα για τις ορέξεις κανενός.
Κανείς δεν έχει το δικαίωμα να απαιτεί να του δώσουμε σημασία ή να έχουμε σεξουαλικές σχέσεις μαζί του. Δε χρωστάμε τίποτα σε κανέναν.

Πρέπει να σταματήσει ο στιγματισμός και η ντροπή. Πρέπει κάθε γυναίκα να ενδυναμωθεί και να ξέρει πως δεν είναι μόνη. Πρέπει άνδρες και γυναίκες να ενημερωθούν και να μην υποστηρίζουν άμεσα ή έμμεσα μισογυνιστικές και σεξιστικές συμπεριφορές.

Random Thoughts XXXI

Sensitive.
Over-sensitive.


I am both.
I feel everything quite intensely.


But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I don't know if that's the nature of the artist, or if it's just me.

I'm not sure whether I was born like this or I changed along the way.
But as far as I remember myself I have been like this.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.
You know why?

Because I know how it feels to live.

I know what it means to feel.

And that's a gift.

Random Thoughts XXX

If you realised with how much intensity I feel everything, you'd never hurt me again.

Why do you care?

Someone asked me once:
-Why do you care?
He was referring to me caring for other people, for this planet, for good causes. He also went on to say that he considers the trajectory of my life unimportant and the fact that I care for others unnecessary.
I care not only because I want it, but also because I can't help it.
If I see someone suffering it's my natural instinct to try and soothe their pain.
If I see injustice it's my natural instinct to get involved and change that.
Even when those situations don't affect me personally I still can't just sit and observe.
To some that may be annoying and wasteful, to some others it can be dangerous and against their personal agenda...
But guess what, I pity you. I pity those who can't feel compassion and empathy, who can't see past their own selfish interest and gain, who can't give without expecting something in return.
I pity you because you'll never be truly happy. For happiness can be found profoundly when you're the reason behind someone else's smile. 

:)

Let's welcome 2015

Tomorrow is the last day of 2014.
Many people, blogs, and pages in general started talking about the big events of 2014, the funny/ugly/epic moments. It's a habit many of us practice.
I personally feel the new years eve is way more important than christmas. I'm not religious after all.
Therefore that moment when a year is over and we're moving to a new period of time, a new era, seems way more important and celebratory to me.

So... 2014. I wanna say this has been the worst year of my life, but then again I would be ignoring some glorious moments I had.
2014 brought me problems, many problems... It brought me anxiety, depression, failure, break-ups, heart aches, betrayals, end of long-term friendships, financial difficulties and overall frustration and hopelessness.
However, 2014 also brought me new friends, happy moments, love, passion, feelings, support from people I wasn't expecting it from, presents from friends and strangers and it made me redefine my identity and discover other sides of myself that I didn't have the chance to explore before.

I do appreciate all that has come my way this year, good and bad.
But for once I want to wish and hope that this new year will not be a roller coaster like the previous years have been. It seems things happen to me with great intensity; good and bad things. That can be extremely tiring.
For a change I would rather have a stable -even a tad boring- year where I will be able to focus on finishing my degree -finally- and then moving on to living my life again.

-Ready for 2015

Random Thoughts XXIX

December didn't start off well.But then again neither did any other month of this fucking year.And here we go again, right at the end of the year reminiscing about past years, saying how much better our life was and how much hope we have in the new year...No mofos. I have no fucking hope for the new year.It's probably gonna be even worse than this fucking year. Which is hard, but still doable.So fuck all.

Random Thoughts XXVIII

It's sad you know.

When this world forces you to burry your humanity.

It's really sad.

Random Thoughts XXVII

I started wearing black when I was fifteen.
"It is a phase, she's a teenager", people used to say.
They also associated my style with the music I was listening to.
It was the transition from commercial pop/rock to metal music and darker sounds in general.
I started getting more piercings, wanting to get tattoos, wearing spikes, dying my hair black, putting dark make up on...
At first people called me a metal head. Then, when I started wearing long skirts and doing a more feminine make up they called me a goth.
I have never really considered myself as gothic. Yes, I do like all things dark and depressive and I have been wearing black for more than 10 years consistently, but does that mean I'm a goth?
I have always been drawn to dark themes/images/sounds, gloominess, depression and I'm fascinated by the occult. But still, there many other things I like as well.
At times I like listening to pop/r'n'b and commercial music as well. I like edm music too. I love dnb and couldn't live without raving. I like meditating, I like being happy and I also like cute stuff (excluding the colour pink which I hate). I couldn't live without partying and sharing happy moments with my friends. And I could go on and on. My life and tastes are characterised by antithesis.
Do I qualify as a goth just because of one part of who I am? But then again, who is only one thing?
I am a woman, a female, a human, a feminist, a student, a friend, a lover, a daughter, a poet, a writer, a lyricist, a vocalist, an artist, a thinker, a creator etc. So maybe I am a goth, too.
When people try to label me I feel extremely uncomfortable. Their labels can't define me, I'm too perplexed for that. I'm not an object that you can just label. Lara isn't just one thing. Lara is Lara. As you are you. And they are they.

Confessions of a Rotten Heart (6)

I like that I smell badly. I haven't showered in days.
I like that I look like a mess. I didn't care what I was gonna wear or how I was gonna look like.
I like that my eyes are red from crying and my lips swollen from biting them.
I like that I look so miserable that if I saw me on the street I would pity me.
I like that I'm listening to darkwave while crying for him.
I like it that my pain is so obvious and apparent that it can't be ignored.

Random Thoughts XXVI

You wouldn't last in my brain for one second.

Confessions of a Rotten Heart (5)

I was under the impression that my friends didn't judge me. Well, I was wrong.
I was under the illusion that due to my understanding and non judgemental nature my friends, the people I chose, handpicked to be around me, would treat me likewise.
But guess what happens with expectations...
They fuck you up.

Random Thoughts XXV

Grey is the new black