"Happiness is a choice" & what this may mean

1. Mental Health 

To all those saying that happiness is a choice:
Try living with mental illness for a day.

Even though I agree, it's tremendously important to make an effort to train/program your brain to think positive, we need to remember not everyone has that privilege.
Because being mentally healthy is a privilege that 1 in 4 people (if not more) do not possess.

When you're suffering from mental health, you struggle to do basic things -like surviving. You do not have the capacity to be positive and see the glass half full. You try to avoid getting crushed by your demons and that more than often leaves you no strength or time to do anything else.

I have discussed this before, but it bares repeating: Happiness isn't always a choice.
Sure, if you spill your coffee on the floor and you cry and have a melt down about it for the next year, you're choosing to be unhappy about it. However, not everything is that simple.

Human psych along with how it affects our brain are extremely perplexed issues. For a person who suffers from clinical depression failing at something could have a lasting impact on their mental state. For a person who suffers from PTSD seeing or hearing certain things can trigger horrific memories and bring back trauma. For a person who suffers from anxiety disorder even small tasks can turn into a stressful and overwhelming nightmare. E.t.c.

There is a plethora of mental disorders and they affect people differently. The common denominator being they do affect people, their thoughts, perceptions, actions and reactions. So to imply every human can choose happiness is to imply every human can choose to gain control over their mental illness. And that isn't only impossible, but also harmful, and thus, perpetuating the notion that people who suffer from mental health are mere drama queens.

If it was so easy to gain control over your mental health, less people would suffer/commit suicide/self-harm/take medication/self-medicate and psychotherapists and psychiatrists would be out of business. No one chooses to suffer from mental health. And those who do suffer from mental disorders do not choose to be unhappy. They do not have the option to feel happy at that particular moment.

I believe we have had enough with this force fed positivity. Not all of us can be (or want to be) positive all the time. Hell, it's illogical to be positive and happy all the time. For instance, if you lose a loved one, aren't you going to grieve? Are you going to be happy instead? Of course not.

2. Discomfort & Solidarity

Despite the fact that I recognise good intensions from those who jumped on the "be happy" wagon, I also cannot help but wonder whether there is a slightly suspicious agenda behind it. You see, negative people, unhappy people make us uncomfortable. After all, it's not a pleasant sight to see someone sad, worried or stressed. Let alone experience someone having a panic attack or an episode. What do we do then? How do we handle the situation? Most people would rather run away than have to deal with such situations, either for fear of making it worse or due to them wanting to go on with their day. Similarly, even when we ask someone how they're doing, we expect them to say "fine" or "well." If someone responds "Not well" we're taken aback.

Nevertheless, wouldn't we want someone to help us if we were the ones suffering? Aren't we alienating ourselves by denying others' help? Aren't we forgetting that to experience a quality life we need to show and receive solidarity? Isn't this "be happy" philosophy maybe forcing us to seclude ourselves, pretending to be well so to not be a discomfort, or pretending to not see those who are not well so to not disrupt our routine or trouble ourselves (or possibly because this way we can keep ignoring the monsters living under our bed)?

An acquaintance of mine who is a psychotherapist once said "We learn about ourselves through experiencing ourselves through others." But if we only interact with others on the grounds of positivity, aren't we denying ourselves the chance to discover more about other parts of ourselves? And if we always hide our vulnerability, sadness or negativity, aren't we denying ourselves the chance to discover how receiving compassion and understanding can positively affect us?

3. Security & Core Beliefs

A conversation with someone who isn't "happy" may challenge us into deep dialogues which in turn may shake our core beliefs. For example, if you believe that people only receive what they can survive or deserve, meeting a kind person who is dying of cancer may upset you and force you to reconsider. Being exposed to different experiences than ours, especially those that are unpleasant, hurtful and unhappy can open new doors of perception. 

However, not everyone is ready -and some will never be ready- to have their core beliefs challenged. Our core beliefs are notions and ideologies deeply rooted within us. Sometimes for no particular reason than our upbringing, religion, family tradition, culture etc. Yet, they are instilled in us and having to question them may shake the whole foundation of who we are. And that can be terrifying. 

Losing that security of knowing that "1+1=2" and suddenly, possibly being introduced to "1+1=5" bursts our security bubble. When that bubble is burst we are floating in the unknown. It makes sense trying to avoid anything that or anyone who can lead us there. Therefore, having the need to always be -or merely fake being- "happy" is predictable. 

I am in no way saying there is a conspiracy behind the "be happy" movement/ideology. I would be stupid not to look at this through a critical prism though. 

Food for thought.

Another day of fatshaming

So today I realised one of my contact had shares this video:

I was infuriated to say the least.
So the best way they could direct this was in fatphobic fashion that not only demonises being fat and is based on stereotypes but also reinforces fatshaming?
There are plenty of constructive ways to promote a healthy lifestyle and this isn't one of them.
This reminds me of the saying "if you don't wanna get STD's don't have sex."
Fear mongering. 
Utterly ridiculous and insulting.

"Πρέπει να γίνεις μάνα"

Με αφορμή το άρθρο που διάβασα στη LIFO:

Είναι λυπηρό, αλλά συνάμα σεξιστικό και μισογυνικό. Η γυναίκα αντιμετωπίζεται ως αναπαραγωγική μηχανή που είναι η μόνη υπεύθυνη για τη διαιώνιση του είδους. Η προσωπική της επιλογή και ευτυχία αγνοούνται. Κι αν τυχόν όταν καταφέρουν να τη χειραγωγήσουν δε μείνει αμέσως έγκυος, αρχίζει η ντόπα -γιατί όπως λένε οι πεθερές 'το αγοράκι μου δεν έχει πρόβλημα εμένα.' Έχω κι εγώ ακούσει διάφορα κι ας είμαι μόνο 29. Εδώ και χρόνια όταν αναφέρω ότι δε θέλω τα παιδιά και δε θα ήθελα να κάνω μου αρχίζουν όλ@ τα 'θα αλλάξεις γνώμη' και 'είσαι μικρή ακόμα.' Όταν όμως βλέπουν μικρά κοριτσάκια να λένε από τα 8 πόσα παιδιά θέλουν να κάνουν το θεωρούν φυσιολογικό. Λες και είναι λογικότατο ένα παιδάκι να σκέφτεται πότε θα κάνει παιδιά το ίδιο. Λες και είναι φυσιολογικός ο βομβαρδισμός και η πλύση εγκεφάλου των γυναικών και κοριτσιών για το ότι η αποστολή/υποχρέωσή τους είναι να κάνουν παιδιά με ό,ποιο κόστος. Το αν θα κάνεις παιδιά θα έπρεπε να είναι καθαρά δική σου επιλογή και επιθυμία και όχι απαίτηση της κοινωνίας/θρησκείας/συγγενών σου.

"You're not feminine"

Yesterday one of my driving theory classmates said I'm not feminine because I don't wear high heels and I don't speak a certain way. I got angry at him and told him I disagree. He insisted that I don't dress feminine and my mannerisms aren't feminine. Apparently to him, femininity is correlated to being a bimbo.

The notion that there is only one specific expression of femininity bothers me. Being feminine doesn't stem from your fashion choices. It is deeply rooted within you as a person, it's part of your character and personality (and of course it is irrelevant to your gender). Whether and how you choose to express it isn't a necessary indicator of it.

Can we all please stop being brainwashed by the media's (and social media's) projection of femininity and masculinity? Can we all please stop restricting ourselves when it comes to our feminine and/or masculine expression? Can we stop letting toxic and harmful generalisations and stereotypes define us? Lastly, can we stop judging others by our standards, and respect that every individual is different and has the right to be respected for the way they would like to be perceived?

"Ο καθένας κοιτάει την πάρτη του."

Αυτό είναι ένα από τα βασικά προβλήματα σε αυτήν τη χώρα.Ο εγωισμός και ο ατομικισμός που μας διέπουν, η μηδαμινή αλληλεγγύη...Εθελοτυφλούμε και αρνούμαστε την παραδοχή υπαιτιότητας σε κάποιες καταστάσεις.Δε γίνεται ενώ ποτέ δεν προσπαθούμε για κάτι καλύτερο -γενικότερα- κι εφόσον δε μας ενδιαφέρουν οι συνέπειες των πράξεών μας ως προς τα άλλα άτομα να λέμε ότι δε φέρουμε μερίδιο ευθύνης.Τα "γιατί να με νοιάζει τι θα αφήσω στις επόμενες γενιές" και τα "γιατί να σκεφτώ τους άλλους αφού ούτε εκείνοι το κάνουν" το μόνο που κάνουν είναι να ανακυκλώνουν βλαβερές συνέπειες -πολλές από τις οποίες επωμιζόμαστε εμείς σήμερα.Δε χρειάζεται ό,τι κάνουμε να είναι πάντα για το άμεσο καλό μας. Μπορεί να είναι και για το μελλοντικό καλό μας, αλλά και των άλλων ανθρώπων (όπως και των ζώων, και του πλανήτη μας).
☮️

Athens Pride 2018

Το Pride του Σαββάτου ήταν το 5ο Pride στο οποίο πήγα στην Αθήνα.
Το πρώτο ήταν το 2008!!!
Δέκα χρόνια μετά λοιπόν βλέπω με μεγάλη μου χαρά συμμετοχή και από σημαντικούς φορείς, κυβερνητικούς εκπροσώπους, συλλόγους γονέων και κηδεμόνων, και όπως πάντα ενημερωτικά περίπτερα σε σχέση με την υγεία, την παιδεία κλπ.
Εννοείται μεταξύ άλλων υπήρχαν τα κλασσικά περίπτερα με merchandise, μικρών queer ομάδων, πολιτικών παρατάξεων, της colour youth, και των Άθεων Ελλάδος.
Μου έκανε εντύπωση το περίπτερο των αστυνομικών. Έπιασα και την κουβέντα με έναν επειδή ήταν φίλος ενός γνωστού μου και εξεπλάγειν με την προθυμία του και τις απόψεις του. Βέβαια, δεν παρέλειψε να αναφέρει ότι οι υποστηρικτές λοατκι+ μέσα στο σώμα χωρίζονται σε νεοφιλελεύθερους και αριστερούς, κι ότι εκείνος δεν ήταν αριστερός.
Νομίζω πάντως πως ο χώρος της πλατείας Συντάγματος δεν έχει τη δομή της πλατείας Κλαυθμώνος. Η πλατεία Κλαυθμώνος επέτρεπε καλύτερη κατανομή των περιπτέρων και ευκολότερη πρόσβαση στη μουσική σκηνή. Αν και καταλαβαίνω τη συμβολική αξία του να λαμβάνει χώρα το φεστιβάλ μπροστά από τη Βουλή, ήταν σα να λείπει κάτι... Και η παρέλαση έκανε μικρότερο κύκλο από παλαιότερα.
Μπορώ να πω πως είχε αρκετό κόσμο, αλλά έχω δει και περισσότερο.
Όσον αφορά τη μουσική σκηνή, πριν τελειώσει η παρέλαση ήταν ό,τι νά'ναι, με συνδυασμούς παραδοσιακής και οριεντάλ μουσικής με dubstep. Φαντάζομαι μετά την παρέλαση που θα είχαν μαζευτεί όλ@ στην πλατεία θα ήταν καλύτερες οι μουσικές επιλογές.
Δεν ακολούθησα την παρέλαση από την αρχή, παρά πήγα προς το τέλος. Είχε κάποια οχήματα με μουσική, performers και άτομα που χόρευαν, αλλά ομολογουμένως δεν ήταν τόσο φαντασμαγορικά όσο το 2008 ή 2009 για παράδειγμα. Έλειπε το glitter και η υπερβολή των προηγούμενων χρόνων.
Είδαμε και όχημα στα χρώματα του ουράνιου τόξου από την Taxi Beat και τυμπανιστές και ομάδα από τη Vodafone GR. Είχε και κάποιες άλλες ομάδες που έπαιζαν μουσική. Στα περίπτερα έδιναν βεντάλιες ουράνιο τόξο με το λογότυπο της Στέγης Ωνάση, η οποία ήταν και χορηγός του φεστιβάλ.
Γενικότερα, κρίνοντας από τον τίτλο του περσινού φεστιβάν ("Θέμα Παιδείας") αλλά και του φετινού ("Παρούσα") βλέπουμε μία τάση προς την ενημέρωση και την αναφορά σε πολιτικοκοινωνικά ζητήματα (πχ. η ελλιπής παιδεία σε σχέση με τη διαφορετικότητα καταλήγει σε διακρίσεις και ο σεξισμός και μισογυνισμός στοχοποιούν τη γυναίκα αλλά και ό,τι αυτή συμβολίζει τιμωρώντας τη θηλυκότητα).
Ίσως αυτό σημαίνει ότι σιγά σιγά το φεστιβάλ θα είναι λιγότερο πάρτυ και περισσότερο ενημέρωση και διαμαρτυρία.
Θα δείξει.
Αυτό που θα μου μείνει είναι η σημαία πάνω στη Βουλή και το πόσο διαφορετικά ήταν τα άτομα που συμμετείχαν και φέτος. Από γονείς με παιδιά, μέχρι drag queens, εφηβ@ς που τώρα άρχισαν να ανακαλύπτουν τη σεξουαλικότητά τους, λοατκι+ άνω των 60, λοατκι+ αμεα, straight allies κλπ.
Και του χρόνου!

Untitled

We have been conditioned to feel ashamed for not looking 'perfect,' even though 'looking perfect' holds an utterly subjective meaning.

Social Media

A reminder that the majority of what you see on social media isn't true or a representation of reality.
Most people choose to show their best moments, the cool pictures, the travels, the expensive meals...
It's all calculated and more than often staged. 
Which is understandable, as society and the media have conditioned us to believe we need to seem 'perfect' and hide anything 'ugly' under the rag. If you do otherwise you're judged, severely and viciously.
So, to anyone who sees those posts, images, stories -that have all been polished and edited to fit the notion of a 'perfect life'- and feels miserable, depressed or less than:
You're enough. Your life and experiences are valid. You don't need to conform to a make-believe 'utopia' or restrict and reshape yourself to 'fit in'.
Be kind to yourself. Take your time.

Creepy incident vol. 244848220

I'm at the bus stop waiting for the night bus.

This guy keeps looking my way.
I ignore him.
He doesn't seem like he wants to get on the bus.
Then, after 10 minutes he comes to wait at the bus stop.
I go stand away from him.
The bus arrives.
He purposely comes where I am so we get on the bus from the same door.
He stands next to me on the bus.
When I push the stop button and try to move towards the front of the bus he says in English that he's getting off as well.
We get off the bus.
At this point I'm well aware he got off because he's creepy/dangerous. So, I wait at the bus stop to see if he's going to go away.
After a few minutes he disappears and so I proceed to walk home.
However, he was hiding behind a wall and suddenly creeps from behind to comment on my tattoos.
I murmur something and try to walk away.
He walks faster and stops in front of me and asks me about my accent and where I'm from.
I say that I'm Greek and I try to move away.
At this point I'm not even trying to get home because I don't want him to know where I live.
He asks if I'm going home. I say I'm just walking around.
He persists on having conversation with me.
I say that I don't feel comfortable talking to strangers.
He looks weirded out. I say thank you and walk away.

Now, after I walked away I had to hide and wait to make sure he truly left.
Even after that I kept looking behind my shoulder to make sure he wasn't following me.

And that, my male friends, is why you should NEVER try to approach women at night. Because experience tells us that if you do that, chances are you're a rapist, a serial killer or a stalker.