Mysticismlover is changing

Dear readers,

We have been together for a long time, for over 15 years now.

We have laughed together, we have cried together... You have offered companionship; you have offered solidarity; you have let me know this blog was seen and appreciated. And for that, I am always grateful.

As the world has become a rather dark and scary place, I found myself censoring what I posted online. I had to use specific terminology to not get banned from certain platforms. I started making videos and photos private, or deleting them entirely, to avoid my posts being used for AI training, and to prevent my image being stored on facial recognition databases. I'm probably too late, but I am trying my best. 

I have been in the process of de-Googling my life, and being more aware regarding online (and offline) privacy. Sadly, when you have been online for as long as I have, it's impossible to fully protect yourself and escape the machine. My online journey started in times that were more innocent, and I was rather naïve, not grasping the severity and implications of having an online presence. 

I'm not sure any of us could have predicted where things were headed at, even though 1984 and Brave New World did warn us. But who would have thought dystopic novels would have foretold the future? 

Having to censor myself and hide truly hurt me. They hurt me as a person, and as an artist. I want to be able to create and share without restrictions. I want to be able to create and share without fear. Alas, that is impossible right now. 

If you follow me on any of my other Mysticismlover social media platforms, you may have noticed the change. A lot of content is gone, or is now friends-only/followers-only. All my Mysticismlover social media, apart from accounts on creative platforms have been set to private. Either I don't post anymore, or I only post on platforms where I know most of my followers. I am afraid it will be worse. I will continue removing content or ensuring it is only available to people whom I personally know. It's a long and draining process, but it is important for my safety. However, I will always allow some content to publicly exist online. 

I'm not proud of this change, and it is something I am constantly self-reflecting upon. I am looking into options for sharing content in ways that don't compromise my safety and privacy. In the meantime, I will either remain silent, post relatively 'safe' content or for friends/followers-only, and focus on my professional creative projects. 

Mysticismlover is my online identity. One I have cultivated for a very long time. It holds memories, both good and bad, and has shaped me and my offline life in ways I would have never expected it to. So, having to restrict that identity is something I'm doing with a heavy heart. 

I'm still here; I'm still critically thinking and analysing what's going on; I'm still creating. Even if my online presence is shifting, my offline presence is not. I'm still Mysticismlover. 

Thank you.
<3

Random Thoughts LXXXVII

Those lacking empathy shouldn't be leaders, because if you lack empathy, where are you leading us to?

Thinking about leadership, and how we (as in, humanity) are going through dark times of very obvious autocracy taking over worldwide, I can't help but wonder, is there anything we can do to get a taste of democracy? To create societies where equity, respect, empathy, education and solidarity can be the norm, instead of an idealistic utopia?

The Song

Do you ever listen to a song that reminds you of someone

– Maybe a song they loved –

To feel close to them?

To get a glimpse of a memory, a moment you were happily together?

Do you ever listen to a song that reminds you of someone

– Maybe a song you enjoyed listening to together –

And break down in tears?

Because you know that the music they loved is the only thing you have left of them?

Do you ever listen to a song that reminds you of someone

– Maybe your song –

And feel your heart being ripped out of your chest?

Because every time you listen to it, you realise you’re one step closer to losing them forever?

Random Thoughts LXXXVI

I think one of the worst things that can be done to someone is not being believed. 

And even worse, not being believed by loved ones.

Random Thoughts LXXXV - Art in late-stage capitalism

The art we consume nowadays is often produced by people who are not artists or creative themselves: people who didn't study art; people who didn't spend any time honing their skills or developing their craft... because they have none; people who don't care to educate themselves to develop their own aesthetic. They are people who have the money and/or the connections, but not necessarily artists. 

As a result, we're constantly fed art that was created with the purpose of maximizing profit. An artist craves to create. It is part of who they are. It is their life. It's not about making money. It's not about selling. Of course, they have to make a living, and they should be paid for their time, skill and materials. I understand. But, the initial reasoning behind becoming an artist is that you are an artist. That's the only way you can be. You have that innate need to express yourself via your creations. Sometimes, it's a compulsion even.

Since those who control the majority of the art we are exposed to are not innovative or creative, the art becomes part of fast food culture. No substance: quantity over quality. We must consume non stop. No time to reflect on the art, no time to analyse. No reason to: there is nothing to see beyond surface level. They don't care to challenge us. Their only concern is profit, and thus, they follow a safe formula to achieve it.

That approach skews our perception of what art and creativity can be. We didn't get the chance to develop our own personal aesthetic. Hence, we adopt whatever aesthetic we have been continuously exposed to as our own. We have been brainwashed to admire and accept bad quality art. It's all we know. Familiarity creates comfort. We end up asking for more of that which feels familiar. We are trapped in a sad cycle of being fed what we ask for, but then, we ask for what we have been already fed. And that applies to all forms of art, from literature to music, from film to painting etc...

The responsibility to break the cycle lies within ourselves, as we can't depend on those whose main motive is profit. The world we live in is a chaotic place; there is too much of everything. It can be difficult to navigate through the constant exposure to bad 'art.' It takes time, strong will and perseverance. Thankfully, the result is very well worth it. 

Random Thoughts LXXXIV

Picture taken by me: London, December 2021.

Just another day of hopelessness, despair and anxiety.

I keep noticing and realising by observing my surroundings, people in real life, and people on the internet: a very large number of the population lacks logic and reason, the ability to think critically, and the will to learn before forming opinions, sharing them and insisting on them.

And the more I see this, and the more I see behaviours that confirm this, the less hope I have for the future of humanity, but also for my own future.

2024. New year, same me: My thoughts on 'change.'

2024. 

I've seen a lot of posts writing "New year, new me" circulating social media. I've been thinking about people's need to change, or their need to announce their intention to change. If you feel there is a reason for you to change, it makes sense to try to motivate yourself to achieve the change. Maybe you're  reconsidering your approach to life; maybe you want to work on how you react to things; maybe you want to be a better person (whatever that may mean to you, e.g. becoming kinder/more self-aware/straightforward etc.). Whatever the reason might be, if you feel a change within is the solution to living a better, more fulfilling life, go for it. 

In my case, I'd say, it's "New year, same me," as I don't want to change who I am. I have worked – and I am still working – very hard on finding my true self and living authentically to her. Am I perfect? No. Have I reached self-actualization? Absolutely not. There's a lot more room for improvement and I got a very long way till I reach my 'full potential' as a human and a person. However, I don't want to become a new person. I am very happy with my core, my values, my ideologies, and the way I see the world. Does that make me suffer more than most, due to being 'very sensitive' or 'paying too much time and attention' to people's bad actions (whether targeting me or others)? Yes, 100%. But, the alternative doesn't interest me: apathy is a disease to me, and maliciousness is even worse. I don't want to 'change,' because I live my life respecting others, considering their needs, being empathetic and understanding to their circumstances (when applicable) and trying to do good, overall.

Do I think the world we live in must change, instead, as it is a cruel and toxic place to be? Yes, indeed. Solidarity, respect, empathy, education on social issues, human rights – to name a few – should be taken for granted, instead of many of us having to fight for them on a daily basis. Right? I guess, to me, that's right. Except, what I came to realise is that to some, that's not right. It's a matter of ethics and morals, which despite certain standards set and defined by laws and unwritten social rules, can be highly subjective. Therefore, there's not much I can do about others' ethics and morals, especially when the law or their environment allows them to hurt others without consequences. I can try to talk to them and/or disrupt their bad actions (when possible), but I can't be the one to punish them, or force them to change their ways. Change has to come from within or be enforced by the relevant systems, after all.

I'm going to leave you now, paraphrasing Arleen Lorrance's quote on change, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Random Thoughts LXXXIII

Depression is 

forcing yourself to take a shower; yet, lacking the energy to lift the shower head to wash yourself. You stare at it crying, the overwhelming existential fatigue making even the smallest movement feel akin to climbing a mountain.

Anxiety is 

a relentless assault on your mind, dissecting and scrutinizing every perceived ‘flaw’ and imperfection within yourself and your life. You can’t stop falling down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts. Your body becomes a vessel of suffering.

Random Thoughts LXXXII

Today, London’s temperature has been reminiscent of Athens in late May or early June.

Warm days, slightly chilly nights.

What I miss the most about my hometown is strolls bathed in moonlight, breathing the city in, being an observer of the microcosm that late-night Athens is.

I don’t think I’ll ever love a city as much again, with such passion, such unbearable longing, such tenderness… And, at the same time, dreading visiting for too long, or becoming Athenian full-time again.

My feelings for Athens are as confusing and conflicting, as Athens itself is riddled with antithesis and contradictions:

Ancient and modern, wise and impulsive, pretty and ugly, resilient and clumsy.

That’s her core and her beauty.

Καληνύχτα Αθήνα μου.

Random Thoughts LXXXI

Το κάθε ένα άτομο ας κάνει αυτό που μπορεί για να αντέξει τον αβάσταχτο πόνο της ματαιότητας της ύπαρξης...

Random Thoughts LXXX

Isn’t it fucked up that the world we live in is so shitty, we constantly seek forms of escapism?
Be it food, drugs, shopping, gambling, adrenaline rushes or anything else, many are in a constant search for distractions from the life they live.

International Women's Day

(Image Source: https://www.staffnet.manchester.ac.uk/news/display/?id=29403)

Today is International Women's Day.

I won't be wishing us Happy International Women's Day, though. I'll say stop discriminating against us, disrespecting/shaming/raping/murdering/abusing us, instead.

Oh, and a kind reminder that trans women are women.

Now that I got this out of the way, I want to talk about a specific quote I see people share every year on this day: "Here's to strong women. May we know them. May we be with them. May we raise them."

 
I find this quote highly problematic for the following reasons:

-Women shouldn't have to be 'strong' to be appreciated and celebrated. The notion that we always have to be strong, to persevere and rise above puts us on the pedestal, which then 'justifies' unrealistic and unfair expectations of us. We're not superheroes, we're human beings. The expectation of 'strength' also makes it harder for us to feel comfortable asking for help when we need it, resulting in us suffering in silence or alone, which of course works in patriarchy's favour. Because, as long as we keep our pain and suffering to ourselves, we don't 'disrupt' and we're isolated, the patriarchy can keep doing its job of oppressing and controlling women. And lastly, what has 'strength' or being 'strong' been associated with in our society - typically? Masculinity and men. Being vulnerable is mostly - typically - associated with femininity and women. I'm not going to analyse why these stereotypes are bullshit; but, I do want to ask this question: why is it that even on a day dedicated to women, we're expected to act like men to be respected and celebrated? 

-All women and femmes should be celebrated on this day, regardless of their perceived 'strength' or lack of. Excluding a group of women/femmes from their own day is, well... Kind of anti-women.

I understand that many people sharing the quote do it with good intentions, and I appreciate those intentions. However, I'd like to invite you to consider the deeper meaning of what you share and its wider implications.

A plant named 'Vagina'

Since I'm ill, and can't do fuck all atm, I decided to tell you a story about one of two times I tried to be a plant parent.

Back in 2021 or so, a friend had gifted me a pot of a very beautiful pink flower. Don't ask me its name, I know nothing about most plants, unless they can be smoked. lol. Anyhow, my friend was all excited to urge me to become a plant parent. I, on the other hand, wasn't excited. I was horrified. In the past, I managed to kill a cactus; I knew this poor flowery creature stood no chance.

I thought I had to name it (because I have a tendency to name things) in a way that would motivate me to take care of it. Hence, I named her 'Vagina.'

Now, my Vagina started all pink and pretty, and I did remember to water her from time to time. I even talked to her and petted her. I have a slight suspicion all the other housemates watered her, too, when they shouldn't have. Her beautiful pink petals gradually fell, and she looked like a spooky tree from a horror movie.

As you can guess, I was concerned. Very concerned. I didn't want my Vagina to perish. I read a few articles and consulted a couple of green-fingered people on how to save her. I was told I had to remove her from her pot and check if there was any mold on the roots. I was also advised to cut the dry branches off. I did both. My Vagina looked sadder and drier than ever.

As time went by, there was no improvement of her state. My Vagina wasn't going to survive. Her roots seemed fine to me, however, her body was the shadow of its old self. I pondered upon what to do, and finally, decided it was time to bid my Vagina farewell. I took her out of her pot and buried her in another pot, one of a large plant in the garden. My reasoning was that since she was dead/dying anyway, she could at least become one with the earth and benefit another plant.

And thus, my Vagina was gone forever.

Random Thoughts LXXIX

 Being apolitical is one of the greatest indications of privilege and indifference.

Random Thoughts LXXVIII

Self-love is not linear; things may happen to us which can make it tremendously challenging to practice it.
In those times, self-preservation is enough and it is valid.
Take care x