I'm an artist

I've been thinking lately about my career and its future.

I've got a BA in Music and an MA in Community Arts. It goes without saying that it's impossible to find a job in those fields unless you got really good connections -which I don't- or are a member of some sort of union -which I'm not and I cannot afford to be.

Thing is, I've always been told in my life that art can never be my main income. I've always been told it can only be a hobby and the very few who manage to make good money out of it and/or make a decent living are the exceptions.

So, what am I supposed to do?
Everytime I've tried a 'normal' job so far, I've felt extremely uncomfortable and a few times it even had an impact on my health.
You see, I thrive in creative environments and I wither in non creative, boring ones.

Ask me to come up with ideas, concepts, lyrics, stories, melodies, scripts, directive advice, designs, images, vocals (and anything artistic) and I will do so in no time.
I don't have to squeeze my brain to be creative, as creativity is my natural instinct, perception and way of thinking.

However, put me in a non creative job, and even though I can excel in it, I'll be depressed and stressed af. (hint: which is what's going on atm)

It's so fucking unfair that there aren't many opportunities for artists and creative people to make a living working within the arts unless they have connections. Some of us are introverts and cannot physically be 'sociable.' Also, when you make it compulsory for people to be part of unions to work in the arts you're excluding those of us who don't have the money and resources to do so.

I got two fucking degrees in the arts and so far I have not been able to find a job where I can put my degrees and creativity in use. And it's beyond frustrating. I'm going to be 30 in a year and a half, and I still don't know what I'm doing with my life.

You know what: I'm not a 'normal' person and I can't be a 'productive' and 'useful' member of society (the way most people perceive those).

I'm a fucking artist. And I cannot but only be that which I am.

Fuck it.

Plus size stereotypes

There are so many stereotypes surrounding plus size people, it's infuriating.

More specifically, we're portrayed as lazy, stupid, boring etc.

Plus size women get mistreated by strangers who shout insults about our weight on the street, public servants who have an attitude towards us because they consider us lower beings; we get catcalled and harassed by men who think we should be happy to be violated because we won't be able to 'do better' due to our weight, we are discriminated against during interviews because employers think we may lead an unhealthy lifestyle or because they may think we're 'slow' or lazy. We're always seen as the 'fat friend' in our friend groups and social circles.

And don't even get me started on how society views and treats plus size men, how people treat them as disgusting creatures and how other men make fun of them pretending these are harmless 'man jokes.'

As a plus size woman I have a few things to say:

We're not your punching bags. Stop taking your problems out on us.
Plus size people don't exist for your aesthetic pleasure and we do not need to adhere to any of your stereotypical expectations. We also do not need to apologise for who we are and we do not owe you an explanation about our weight and lifestyle.

You have no right to make assumptions about our life and you aren't entitled to insult us and belittle us.

Plus size people come in all shapes and sizes and they can be:
Sexy, smart, professional, active, athletic, seductive, strong, beautiful, talented...

And if you can't accept that, well, that's your problem, not ours.

Dear medical professionals...

It seems free healthcare comes at the price of psychological trauma and bullying.

You may be scratching your head right now, thinking 'What is she on about?'

Well, there are many incidents I could refer to: from being prescribed medication that almost killed me, to receiving racism for being Greek, to being judged for my appearance, to not being taken seriously as a patient, etc. etc. etc.

Today, however, I'm going to refer to one specific issue that has been coming up over and over again.

Fatshaming.

So...

Dear medical professionals,
This is an open letter to all of you, to stop. Stop immediately. Stop fatshaming your patients.
Your job is to help people, not to judge them and be rude to them.
You're -supposedly- educated people, who try to help people be healthy, yet you attack their mental health ferociously, by fatshaming them.
Yes, being fat can be unhealthy. We know. So stop.
Nevertheless, there are many people who are fat and are healthy. And live long happy lives.
You have no way of knowing if someone is healthy just by looking at their weight.
There are many thin people who are extremely unhealthy.
But you should already know that.
You are not allowed to have biases. You are not allowed to be discriminatory. You are not allowed to fatshame.
Do you hear me?
Due to the nature of your job, you have to be aware of your wording and demeanor at all times.
Because your rudeness and assumptions can affect someone's life for ever.
So you don't get to be mean. You simply do not have that right.
You are in a position of power and you know it. But with power, comes great responsibility.
Patients are vulnerable, and they are in your hands. So you do not get to crush them whilst in there.
You ought to be polite and professional at all times.
And if you can't, change professions. For you exploiting your patients' vulnerability consists malpractice. And that makes you a criminal.

Kind Regards,
A patient who won't tolerate your ignorance anymore

Various Incense Sticks Review

I have been thinking about writing a review on various incense sticks I have gotten myself in the past eight months, since my incense stick love was revived and I started experimenting with aromatherapy.

So here it is: A review of all the incense sticks I have purchased in the past eight months.
Every individual review will comprise of an image, a couple of sentences on the scent of the sticks, and a rating.

In the end of this blog entry you will find my final thoughts and my top 5 favourite incense sticks from the ones reviewed.

Enjoy! x

Reviews:

~Stamford~

Stamford: Angel Dust 

This one is one of those scents that I don't mind once in a while, but it's way too intense to use it often. It's supposed to have a lily scent.



Rating: 6/10

Stamford: Sandalwood

At some point I was obsessed with this scent! It has a wood, earthy feeling to it, so if you don't like that maybe Sandalwood is not for you. I personally love it when I want to meditate and relax.


Rating: 9/10

Stamford: Demon's Lust 

I absolutely adore these! The scent is described as green oriental and I do find it has this sensual undertone that tingles your senses. Great if you have a special someone over and you want to set the mood. Bare in mind there is an earthy scent to it.


Rating: 8.5/10 

Stamford: Vampire's Kiss

I find this scent extremely sensual, even more so than Demon's Lust. But it's also quite refreshing at the same time. It's described as a musky scent comprising of a variety of perfumery raw materials (as all Stamford incense do).



Rating: 9.5/10 

Stamford: Fairy's Mist 

This is a refreshing yet gentle scent of white rose. I do enjoy burning those incense sticks after a long day at work.



Rating: 8/10







Stamford: Witches' Curse

I have used them for sometime without realising their scent was Aloe Vera -which is my new obsession. I usually use these when I'm really pissed off at someone and negative energy lingers in my room. Such a powerful, yet calming scent.

Rating: 9.5/10

Stamford: Unicorn's Grace

Another Aloe Vera scent. This one has lower energy and in my opinion has a floral undertone to it. For some reason I have related it to Angel's Dust.


Rating: 8/10






Stamford: Pixie's Dance 

These have become one of my favourite incense sticks! They have a vanilla scent -which I am in love with. I am a vanilla scent girl though, so no surprise there. Good for when you need a calming moment, or to just change the energy in your room.


Rating: 10/10

Stamford: Mermaid's Love 

Another past obsession of mine! When I first burned those, I couldn't get enough of them! Another white rose in the Stamford collection, only this one has a sensual yet fresh undertone to it.



Rating: 9.5/10 

Stamford: Werewolf's Bite 

Frankincense and Myrrh. I was a bit hesitant with these incense sticks, but they grew in me with time. An interesting combination of power and calmness. I believe they could be used with spells or to enhance one's spiritual dreams.


Rating: 8.5/10

Stamford: Angel's Touch 

Even though I'm generally not a fan of floral incense sticks, these ones are lovely. They have a sweet powdery floral aroma. Perfect for changing the energy of your room, and burning them could be a good way to start or end your day.


Rating: 6.5/10

Stamford: Water Dragon

White musk. It is not often that I find incense sticks that unbearable, but I am contemplating throwing these away. I just cannot seem to find their scent attractive at any time or situation.

Rating: 1/10

Stamford: Fairy Dreams 

As I've mentioned before, I'm a vanilla scent girl. This is one of my old time favourites. The sweet vanilla scent of those incense sticks is perfect for dreaming, relaxing and taking a bath. I usually burn them right before I go to sleep. (This scent reminds me Pagan Magic by a different company -it came in purple packaging).

Rating: 10/10 

Stamford: Dragon's Blood

Dragon's Blood. I am not too bothered by this scent, but I am not in love either. I do enjoy burning these when the energy in the room feels dull.

Rating: 7/10 

Stamford: White Sage

I was always curious about white sage, as I had heard and read a lot about it. At some point I was obsessed with these incense sticks! I use them to block negative energy from my space, cleanse the space and my energy. I have to admit if you use them too much, you do get a bit tired of the scent.

Rating: 9.5/10

Stamford: Vanilla 

I don't like to repeat myself, but yeah, as you've noticed I am fond of vanilla scents. I usually burn these sticks when I want to relax or change the overall aroma in my room.


Rating: 9/10

Stamford: Pagan Magic

I actually thought this was the same Pagan Magic that came in a purple box and I had discovered years ago, but unfortunately, this is a very different scent. One I cannot stand. Apparently these specific incense sticks have an aphrodesia musk aroma.

Rating: 1/10 

Stamford: Prosperity 

Another sandalwood scent from Stamford. I burn these incense sticks when I'm not feeling very lucky or when I want to feel the energy flow in my room change. Not as heavy as the Sandalwood incense sticks, they have some fresh undertones to them.

Rating: 8/10

Stamford: Dragon's Fire 

Roses. A gentle and discreet fragrance which fills the room with a pleasant vibe. As all Stamford incense sticks that come in a black box and red lettering it has a sensual, mystical undertone to it.

Rating: 9/10

Stamford: Egyptian Musk

Musky, earthy and with a hint of something ancient and sacred. These incense sticks are some of my favourites to burn when I want to meditate and relax.

Rating: 9/10

~Tulasi~

Tulasi: Jasmine 

Way too strong for me.

Rating: 5/10

Tulasi: Sage 

Quite a strong scent of sage, this one is not as soft and smooth as White Sage by Stamford. Still, you can use it to cleanse a space.

Rating: 6/10 

Tulasi: Lemongrass

I had never smelled lemongrass incense sticks before. Way too earthy and uncomfortable for me. They literally smell like burnt grass.

Rating: 1/10 

Tulasi: Lotus 

I do enjoy this scent, but as it is extremely strong, I don't burn Lotus incense sticks that often.



Rating: 6.5/10 

Tulasi: Sensuality 

Patchouli, nutmeg and ylang ylang. This strong yet sensual combination of scents is great for an erotic session with your partner(s), a sensual massage or meditation. As it is so intense, I cannot burn those incense sticks too often.


Rating: 7.5/10 

Tulasi: Moon 

I am not sure what scent these incense sticks have, but it is not floral and it is not sensual. I can't really describe it. I have burned them in the past during the night, as the scent does feel right during that time.

Rating: 6/10 

Tulasi: Night Queen

I am not a fan of floral scents usually, unless they are soft and/or sensual. And this incense sticks are exactly that. Again, like the Moon ones, I do find them more enticing during the night. Especially before I go to bed.

Rating: 8.5/10 

Tulasi: Meditation 

Vanilla, sandalwood and chamomile. An extremely strong blend that is perfect for meditation. I personally do not burn these incense sticks often due to the aroma.

Rating: 7/10

Tulasi: Sandalwood

Another earthy incense. This is very strong and woody. Way too strong for my tastes.

Rating 4.5/10

~Various Brands~

As this post is too long already, here I will mention epigrammatically a few other incense sticks I did not enjoy due to their extremely strong scents.

Hem: I tried their Amber incense sticks which I did not like at all as they had a strong wooden/earthy scent, and their Almond ones, which I don't mind as they smell like almond, but wouldn't buy again. 

SAC: I tried Pine which did actually smell like burnt pine (or like a forest on fire) and Night Queen (not to be confused with Tulasi's one) which had an extremely heavy floral scent (to the point of causing me a migraine). Didn't enjoy either.

Sital: I tried Violet, which has a perfume-esque scent to it -if that makes sense. Very strong violet/floral scent, which I personally cannot stand for too long.

Lastly, I was trying to find a good vanilla incense stick -apart from Stamford's- and I decided to try GR's Royal Vanilla and Flute's Vanilla. The first one smelled nice before you burned it, but was way too strong as it was burning. The latter had a very bizarre and unpleasant vanilla scent, almost as if it had something else in it as well. Unfortunately, they didn't work for me.

I have also tried a few Chinese brands, but the letters are in Chinese, so I cannot find them in English.

Final thoughts and favourites

It seems that the font colour and box colour in Stamford incense sticks isn't a coincidence. My understanding is that the ones that come in a black box are more aetherial, sensual and kind of gothic if you'd like, whereas the ones that come in a white box are more floral and intense.
I personally enjoy the ones that come in a black box a lot more as I am not fond of extremely floral scents.
Moreover, I feel the ones that come in a black box and have red lettering are more on the sensual side, and usually, these are some of my favourite incense sticks.

Even though I do like some incense sticks by Tulasi and other brands, I do feel Stamford is the one I am more attracted to.

My top 5 at the moment:

1. Sandalwood
2. Vampire's Kiss 
3. Fairy Dreams 
4. Witches' Curse 
5. Pixie's Dance

Lastly, I would suggest trying the 'mini-collection' versions like the Mythical Collection by Stamford.

This way you can try various scents before you commit to buying the larger versions (the mini ones have 8 or 5 incense sticks each usually). 

Sources and suppliers

I wasn't able to find an official retailer website for the incense brands that were mentioned, but I am including a list with suppliers and also pages where I found the information about the scent details of each entry.

• Ebay supplier
• Scent details and information (amazon retailer)
• Scent details and retailer
• Google (for images) 
• Scent details and retailer
• Scent details and retailer 

Conclusion 

I hope you found this list useful. Remember, this is my personal opinion. Other people may have a completely different reaction towards these scents. 

I have actually buyed everything on this list with my own money, a.k.a I'm not sponsored.

I will keep updating the list with every new scent I purchase.

Peace

Funny fat girls

I see a lot of fellow fat ladies thinking they have to be funny; they have to perform all the time to blend in. And so they force themselves to do so. It seems there is this notion that since we're fat, our only option to be attractive in any way is to be funny. Nope. You don't have to feel the need to 'perform' and be 'funny' because of your weight. You are a valuable, and sexy and attractive person regardless.

There is no need to feed into a stereotype "she's not hot, but she's funny." You can be fat and hot, and if you're funny that's great as well, but you don't have to force yourself to make jokes and entertain people. And for the love of me, you don't have to make fat jokes aimed at yourself to show people you're funny; to prove you can 'fit in.' I've seen many times fat gals making fun of themselves, to the point where I wanted to cry at all the mean things there were saying. You don't have to make fun of yourselves to be cool. You don't have to use horrible and traumatising language aimed at yourself to be accepted. And if the people around you make you feel like you have to do those things, then you need to kick those people out of your life. Lastly, please, don't let movies be your example about how you should dress and behave as a fat person. Media's portrayal of fat people is inaccurate and harmful. They play into toxic cliches and stereotypes that either ostracise fat people or don't give them space to be themselves to exist in society.

Pregnant People

I read responses to this: bma-warns-against-using-expectant-mothers-for-pregnant-women-as-it-may-offend-intersex-men

(calling pregnant persons 'pregnant persons' instead of expecting mothers, as many trans males, agender, gender neutral, gender fluid or intersex persons can get pregnant)

A lot of women were angry, saying they want to be called 'expecting mothers,' that they waited their whole lives to be mothers, that this takes away from their motherhood and many went as far as to make transphobic comments.

I personally have no interest in having children, being a mother etc.
However, as a person who identifies as a woman, I have one thing to tell them:
If you're so insecure about your femininity and motherhood, that you get offended by being called a 'person,' then that's on you.
Stop reflecting your insecurities and fragile femininity on others.

Anyway, you could request your nurses, midwives, doctor etc. to call you an expecting mom if you want.
So, chill the fuck out and let other people with female reproductive organs have their space and be respected as well.

Accept that not only women can get pregnant and give birth. There are many people who don't identify as female and have female reproductive organs. And you have no fucking right to dismiss them because you want 'motherhood exclusivity.'

The first 11 days of the end of the world

A Creative Writing tutor said us, writers, shouldn't share too much on social media. We should limit our online presence, for fear of how what we write can affect our futures.

And even though I, too, recognise that as a blogger and youtuber, as an instagrammer and a person with relatively strong social media presence, I run the risk of revealing too much, I cannot help myself.

Because I have a natural urge to create art and share it with the world. Now, I may have also shared personal moments, but it was always was the greater good, so that others who may experience similar situations, do not feel alone.

Or I may have shared my views on politics, and the reality we live in.

But as an artist, as a creator, isn't that what I am supposed to do?
Artists are special -and magical- creatures, people who can create from scratch, in addition to being inspired by what happens around them.

And especially in times like these, when political instability and irrational governing threatens the very core of our humanity, it is my duty, as an artist -and a human- to create, to act, to speak up.

I am an emotional person. A person who can empathise. When others feel pain, I can feel their pain, I can understand their position.

So, to see that which has taken place in the past 11 days... I am devastated.

At first came shock. Then, denial. Then, acceptance. Now, depression.

At 28 years old, I have no hope for the future.
I strongly believe the world is so fucked up, that it cannot be fixed in one, two -or even five- generations.

It took a very long time for things to become the way they are now, and that cannot be undone so easily. If I wasn't weary of copyright, I would share a few poems I wrote these days, but oh well. Maybe in the future.

We live in financial slavery, in ill capitalism, in cultural imperialism, in environmental crisis, in severe inequality...

The world we live in is controlled by an elite. And that elite will do anything and everything to stay at the top of the pyramide.

Not sure we stand a chance against them, despite the fact that we are a majority.

And that is because there is another factor that plays a role in this: the ego.
Which can also cause stupidity and people to be stuck up in their ways and blinded.

Good luck to all of us my friends.

Good luck to the underprivileged, good luck to the ones belonging to marginalised social groups, good luck to the ones who aren't brainwashed zombies and suffer due to the knowledge...

And good luck to us surviving by the rule of the ignorants, who -very unfortunately, make decisions for the rest of us...

Dear tattoo magazines

Dear tattoo magazines,

Please stop sexualising the females on your covers and spreads.
Your audience comprises of males for the biggest part. But that is because you keep on choosing to be disrespectful towards females.

The way you portray tattooed females implies that all tattooed females are 'whores,' 'kinky,' 'dirty,' always wear revealing clothes and don't mind showing their tattoos. That is harmful.

Even though there's nothing wrong with a female being promiscuous, kinky or wearing revealing clothes, there shouldn't be a connection of those attributes to tattooed females by default.

You also need to teach your audience to stop touching tattooed females -or anyone for that matter- without their permission.

My tattoos aren't an invitation for anyone to grab my arms or touch them.
My tattoos aren't an indication of my sex life, my intelligence, my career path etc.
My tattoos -along with their aesthetic and meanings- are personal, and I choose if and when to display them, and whom I will let touch my skin.
I'm sick and tired of tattoo magazines being so 'macho' centric, that all they do is cater to harmful toxic masculinity demands and expectations.

Extreme housemate horror story

During my last week in uni halls, and after looking for a place for about 2 months, I was very desperate. I needed to lower my standards and just find anything, otherwise, I would be homeless.

I went to a viewing that week, and I was offered a place in the house. I was a bit worried as there was no contract -which means zero security for me- but I had no other choice at that point.

After I moved in, I found out we would be 6 people instead of 5 -which was what I had been told before. One of the housemates, let's call him X, was away during the viewing, so they forgot to mention he lived there too.

I also found out that I had been lied to about who lived in my room before me and the situation of how the previous tenant left.

Less than 3 weeks that I lived there, one housemate's girlfriend moved in as well. And so, without being asked or informed of that fact, I ended up living in a house with 7 people instead of 5.

I quickly realised that X's girlfriend, let's call her G, was quite rude and always had an expression on her face as if she was annoyed by most of us.

I generally tried my best to be super polite to everyone, cleaned after myself, cleaned after other people, paid on time, contributed to bills, notified if I had guests etc.

During my 2nd week in the house, the pre-previous tenant asked me for her stuff from the room. I had never met her and I explained I threw everything away. She sarcastically wished me to 'enjoy the house.'

Right then and there, I knew something was off.

On my 3rd week, I got verbally attacked by G. She called me over the top, exaggerating, a bad fit for the house and a racist. She kept saying she doesn't feel comfortable in her own house (implying it's my fault), ignoring the fact this wasn't her house, but our house -supposedly. And of course she never cared that I didn't call this place my home, and didn't feel comfortable in it, because of her and X.
She admitted she had a bad day at work and took it out on me. I was calm and polite, explained what she did was wrong, and accepted her apology.
The conversation had started with the fact that there was drama in the house because some people were stealing food. And because I supported the person whose food was being stolen, let's call him A, she didn't like that.

She also didn't like that I'm not like the girl who lived in my room before. I later found out that girl was a very quiet person, who never complained because she was scared of G and X.

During the same month, X made some horrendous sexist 'jokes,' which resulted in the new housemate, let's call her E, crying. I supported her and told X off. He verbally attacked me, and left our group conversation on a chat app -where everything took place.
I was actually surprised E's boyfriend, who was also a housemate, let's call him K, didn't stand up for her.

I had stopped speaking to G and I was very happy about that. Not having to deal with her and X made my life in the house easier, almost pleasant.

Then, one day, as I was making my lunch using a pot from the communal lot, she said she wanted her pot. I explained this pot was in the communal lot. She said she doesn't mind people using it, but when she asks for it she wants it. I got pissed off of course and emptied my food into another pot, and then washed her pot and gave it to her.
She didn't like my reaction and started a whole dramatic situation.
I, again, was the bigger person and tried to defuse the situation. I also asked her what her problem was with me so we could resolve it. She claimed she had no issue.

During the same month (November), another housemate was rude to me on the group chat, when I complained about the horrible internet connection we had. Even though he actually had his own router in his room, which he only revealed after I complained. I knew from day one as I had followed the cables and saw they went into his room, but it just shows... Let's call him C. C is one of those people who wants to be left alone, and as long as he's doing alright, he gives no fucks about anyone else. He's also very grumpy and at times unreasonably rude to people.

During the same month, I was actually attacked by almost the whole house for complaining about how expensive our internet connection was, when we could pay half if we changed companies and packages.

Day by day I realised I was by myself. I had no contract. The landlord didn't care about anything but rent. I was alone.

E was kinda nice to me a few times. But she became closer to G and started changing her behaviour towards me.

The only one who consistently supported me was A. A is lgbt+ and we had gotten closer on those grounds, as I was the only ally in the house.

G and X are very homophobic and K was homophobic in secret.

The more I tried to not speak with G the more she provoked me.

Some of the things she said in front of me or to me:
-She doesn't like British people and feels she can't make friends in UK (I wonder why)
-She doesn't like people with piercings and tattoos (I got both)
-She doesn't like people who get plastic surgery (but said if she could afford it she would get it)
-She thinks people with disabilities shouldn't get as much help as 'normal' people (I worked with uni students with disabilities)
-She thinks gay people are unnatural (I am an ally)
-She thinks trans people who have committed suicide are stupid (I am an ally)
-She told me if she was fat she'd die (I am fat)
-She thinks I'm a student since I worked at a university at the time and according to her my job wasn't a real job
-She has said wearing makeup to work is stupid (when I was off to work and was wearing makeup). A few days later I caught her wearing makeup to work as well
Go figure.

Just before the holiday break, G and X had a huge fight. They were banging things, slamming doors and shouting. I had the misfortune of being their neighbour, so I could see my furniture that was touching the wall shaking from all the banging. I think X actually beat G up. And I didn't think it's the first time. All this happened around and after midnight. G left the house, and then came back and slept on the couch.
Even though they woke me up, I didn't complain.

2 days later, I was in my room singing around 8pm. It's Saturday. She texted me to say I was too loud. I told her that when she and her boyfriend made noise after midnight I didn't complain. She used excuses.
Then I contacted E, in hope of getting some support (since E and her boyfriend, K, make noise all the time after 11pm, playing music, singing etc.). She said my singing was 'wobbly.' Now bear in mind I have helped E practice her singing. She did apologise in the end, but still...

During the last weekend of 2016, X returned to the house from his holidays, without G. He had a huge party without asking anyone (it was in the house rules that if you have a party you have to ask).
Actually, G had told me once, when I asked why I am the only one who notifies when she has guests, that it's because: "We know everyone else." When I said I didn't know any of her guests, she remained silent.
Anyway, X and his friends got drunk, smashed things, slammed doors until 11pm.
C, who was in the house, and always complains when people slam the doors accidentally during the day, didn't say a thing.

Next day X brought more friends over to have a barbeque. Again, he didn't notify us. Thankfully, I was leaving the house for the weekend.

Then, I returned for the first time in 2017. I had gone to the supermarket, so I opened the fridge to put my food on my shelf. Someone had moved my stuff and had put a pot with meat on my shelf. They all knew I'm vegetarian.
I messaged the group with a picture of the pot and said I'm going to put it on the kitchen working space.
An hour or so later, I was in my room and heard X slamming doors, the cupboards, and trying to intimidate me with noise -as he did very often. He was also shouting on his phone.
I went downstairs, I said happy new year and then tried to explain what happened with the pot. He started shouting in my face: "You don't touch my stuff!" I tried to explain that I said I'd move the pot on the group. He then went on to shout that he wasn't on the group.
Again, calmly, I asked him why he is shouting, and tried to explain this was my shelf, and he was the one who moved my stuff to put his meat dish. He shouted "End of conversation" in my face as if he wanted to physically attack me.

Next day I found out he used my cutting board as well, which is on my cupboard. We're not supposed to use stuff that is on personal cupboards.

A few other 'fun facts:'
G told E that she didn't like British politeness and people saying sorry.
G is almost 10 years younger than X, and they have been together since she was 16 years old.
G was married to X, divorced him and then got back with him.
X was trying to be the 'alpha male' of the house, and he often shouted to the people who belong to minorities (e.g. me and A), thinking he's macho this way.
Both X and G believe this was their house, they felt like they were the king and queen, and the rest of us peasants. I wondered why they didn't rent the whole house by themselves since they felt this way...
X had displayed rude and demeaning behaviour to other housemates as well, in the form of 'jokes.' And if someone tried to hold him accountable for his bullshit he claimed that was "his sense of humour".


Around Christmas, X and G broke up. They still lived in the same room.

A few weeks later, E took one of my lunch boxes from my private cupboard for two days, and only told me after she had taken it. Obviously I was pissed off and explained that was not ok. She said she thought she could 'get away with it' because it was her...

Then, X left the house finally, but E started stealing my stuff continuously. C had his stuff stolen as well, so he moved everything he had in the kitchen to his room.
Unfortunately, my room was too small, so it's hard for me to do the same. I moved all my stuff from the shower to my room though, as my toothpaste kept on getting stolen -by E.

E, G and K kept making noise all the time, slamming doors in the middle of the night, having friends over without asking the rest of us, having parties and making living in the house unbearable.

I finally managed to give everyone 1 month's notice that I'd be leaving the house, and K got on my case because he wanted me to keep paying rent, even if they didn't have a new tenant after 1 month. Our agreement didn't say anything about that. E of course had to get involved as well. She turned into the new G, complaining constantly, even though she didn't abide by the house rules.
She told me off for reacting to K's absurd statement. I reacted in my room, as I was talking to my boyfriend, and she complained I was too loud and they heard I called them names.
Her and K played music all the time, came back drugged at 4am and woke me up (they made a habbit of taking drugs in the house), and I had never complained.

My health kept deteriorating whilst I lived in the house, and instead of leaving me alone they kept on pushing me.

A couple of weeks prior to my move G knocked on my door asking for change. After all that she had done to me, she casually knocked on my door and expected me to give her change. Of course I didn't give her anything. Then, at 1am I went to the loo, and on my way out she opened the door of her room (it's next to the loo) and smiled at me saying she didn't mean to scare me. I muttered 'For fucks sake' and shut my door. Her smile was creepier and scarier than a dark downtown alley after 2am.

Finally, a few days before my move G tried to "make amends with me" aka force me to like her... But it doesn't matter...

I'm out of that horrible place!

2016 - be gone!

So, now that 2016 is coming to an end, I stumbled upon a couple of posts from famous people saying things along those lines:
1. "Oh, this was a horrible year, but nothing great comes from an 'easy' life, so take the lessons with you blah blah blah..."

Well, fuck that. A lot of great things come to people with easy lives. Check the Kardashians, check Paris Hilton, check that stupid Poker player who is a millionaire, check all of those viral internet sensations who did stupid shit that landed them deals with big companies, check that dude who just narrates whilst playing video games. All have 'easy' lives, all are successful millionaires.

ps. Yep this is materialistic af, but I'd rather be a millionaire and a materialist, than be a poor mofo. Sorry, not sorry.

2. "Life is what you make of it."

That's some bullshit entitled and privileged people came up with. Say that to the people in Syria who have lost their homes and families; say that to people with leukemia; say that to people who have been raped; say that to people who lost their homes due to floods/tsunamis/earthquakes; say that to people who have no drinking water/food/shelter. It's all nice and easy when you have no serious troubles in your life and can be a 'couch philosopher'.

Yeah, I know these are both positive quotes and I'm being all negative and all, but I'd rather be 'negative' and realistic, than delusional. Reality is harsh. Life is unfair.

Femme

To every femme person out there:

You don't have to be 'feminine' to define as femme.
There's no one way to be feminine; don't let the media fool you.
You define your own femininity.
Never feel as if you have to abide by certain rules to be able to describe yourself as femme.
Because you don't.

London & Art: Failing creativity

Today I googled myself, and by myself, I mean my online self.
Yes. Don't judge. I just wanted to see what kind of pictures I have uploaded. Sometimes we get carried away after all.

When I ensured nothing shameful has been shared with the world, or at least nothing shameful appears on google search, an old blog entry caught my eye.

As I started reading I thought I'd feel nostalgic, but if I actually felt anything, that was annoyance.

The blog entry was about me loving London, London life, reminiscing my uni (bachelors) years etc.
I was going on about friends, parties, and having a great time in London. Mind you, the post was written in 2012.

Now, four years later, I just graduated from my masters degree, which took three long years to complete, and I got a job (for which I am severely underpaid).
I also have close to zero social life. Firstly, due to many of the friends mentioned on that old blog entry moving to other places, secondly due to drifting away from people (as you do the older you get), and lastly, due to my shit finances.

In the seven years I've been in UK, not even one day has gone by without me stressing over money. And that takes a toll on you. That, combined with the masters degree experience, which was extremely traumatic and draining -not to mention the Brexit news- left me extremely... tired.

Rent prices and overall cost of life skyrocketed, which left me struggling for survival. In the past three years, I cannot say that I have lived in London. I can only say that I have survived London.

Many of my acquaintances and friends in Greece believe that because I'm in London, I'm living the life.
Well, let me tell you: I'd rather be somewhere else and live comfortably. Because in London, unless you make over 30k a year (after taxes) you can't live. You can only survive. And at the moment, I'm not making a third of that. I'm struggling to pay my rent, I'm struggling to pay for food.

I have two degrees, and I can't find a job that pays well enough, so that I can live with dignity.
Because, as someone pointed out on youtube, art degrees are 'laughable' and useless. So, apparently, I should have studied something I don't like, just so I can live with dignity. But then, would that be living with dignity? If I did a job I hated?
The same person who called art degrees 'laughable' suggested I should have checked the Forbes list of the best paying jobs before I started my studies. To her, it's stupid that I chose to study subjects that aren't on that list.

But you see, unfortunately, I am an artist. Every part of my body has been dedicated to art since I can remember myself.
I was four years old when I started singing. I was fascinated. I would sing arias by the window. I didn't even know what opera was at the time. I just knew how to make those sounds, that I later found out to be arias.

Then, I learned how to write. My whole world changed. I immediately started keeping a diary. I started writing stories. In the meantime, I was reading books all the time. I started reading comics as well.

I realised I also liked drawing a lot. I always drew, as all little kids do. I could be good at it, if I put the time and effort. But, I loved writing and singing a little more. And since writing was something I could do anywhere, anytime, I focused on that.

When I was eight-years-old I started learning English. I immediately started writing in English. I was fascinated by how well English worked with lyrics and poems. Even though, I still wrote in Greek, both novels and poems/lyrics, I started writing in English a lot more. Today, I rarely write in Greek. Nevertheless, when I do, it is something I enjoy and cherish. I feel that different languages work better in expressing different things.

In my late teens, I was in a band. That didn't go greatly, but it urged me to push myself to study music. I dropped out of my Greek uni to come to London and study music. I wrote lyrics frantically. I sang, I recorded myself. I was happy. The singer and lyricist within me was satisfied.
But I didn't manage to make connections, as I am an introvert and suffer from performance anxiety. I didn't manage to make it big.
Therefore, music didn't work for me.

I started loving photography around the same time I was in a band. You see, the internet made it possible to share your pictures, and to see others' pictures. That was inspiring to me. It gave me ideas. It urged me to share my pictures with the world. Even if it was pictures taken from my phone. I created a Deviant Art page. It's not popular at all.
My love for photography -which I got from my mother- didn't lead anywhere either.

My masters degree helped me gain knowledge in the arts (theatre, music and drama among others) and management, in correlation to marginalised social groups (e.g. prisoners, persons with disabilities etc.) and how to plan, deliver and organise relevant workshops/projects.
However, as I lack people's skills, which are essential to work on this field, I didn't manage to get a job on that field.

Now I'm a notetaker for uni students with disabilities. Despite the fact that I enjoy the job, and I learn so many things for free, this isn't a post grad job. It's a I'm-still-doing-my-bacherlor-degree job. Which means I'm extremely underpaid considering my qualifications -and the fact that I work for an agency means they get a lot of my money.

So all of these years of studying, all of these years of creating... and nothing came out of them.

I have hundreds of pieces of writing that I've written over the years. I also have hundreds of drawings. And I used to have a lot of recordings of me singing, but many of those I decided not to keep. But I do have a few finished songs, recorded for uni, and a couple of performances. I have thousands of pictures I have taken.

In vain.

It's sad. It's really sad. But you may ask: How is this relevant to London, wouldn't it be the same if you were in Greece?

Maybe, maybe not. But at least in Greece I would be more comfortable financially.

However, the thing is, London is known for its art scene. It's known to be the USA of Europe. Meaning, it is the land of opportunity, and aspiring artists from all sorts of backgrounds and art forms come here to make it.

Or it was supposed to be. Or it used to be. But it's not anymore.

Take it from someone who has lived in London for almost seven years now:
London isn't an easy place to be. And with all the instability that the Brexit brought, the prices rising even more, it's turning into a very ugly place; a place that isn't very friendly to foreigners and poor people.

I can't even remember why I started this blog entry anymore. So, I'll stop here, hoping that one day, maybe, just maybe, I will be given the opportunity to live with dignity, as an artist, in this world.


-

Gender

People need to realise the gender binary is a social construct.It serves the purpose of big corporations, religions and any other institutes that want to either make money off people or control them -or both. Gender is a spectrum. As we -hopefully- have all learned by now, things aren't black and white in life.Things don't work in -one-or-the-other. Very rarely you will find things that are either, or, without them entailing 'the in-between. 'So next time you see a person who doesn't fit in that gender binary, refrain from judging them, and even worse bullying them. Remember that their gender is theirs, only theirs, to define, express and live in and with. And if you're a person who is struggling because you can't find your place within the gender binary, rejoice. Because you don't have to. You have your own place in the gender spectrum, and that's valued, valid and respected.

Goodbye my neckpiercing

I had this piercing done around May/June 2009.
It was a very special piercing to me. 
I got it at Iris, at Patras. 
That along with a tattoo, where my best memories of living in Patras for 2 years.
But above all, this was done by one of the kindest, gentlest human beings I've ever met. 
He was a tattooer and piercer named Andreas. A middle-aged man full of life, respect and positivity. He always gave discounts to students, was welcoming, ready to give you candy or juice during a piercing or a tattoo.
This man passed away a few years ago, so my tattoo and that piercing (both of which I got the same day, my last day in Patras) mean so much.
Reminders of my time there, my first time living by myself, my first time as a university student; but also reminders of a great man who was always hospitable and kind.

USA election results 2016

I woke up to the horrendous reality that Donald Trump will be the president of the United States of America -most probably.
Even though I live in Europe I am deeply affected by the result, as a human being who cares for her fellow human beings.

America, the whole world was looking at you today. We were all hoping that you'd vote against the new Hitler, Trump.
We were hoping you'd prove those people who say Americans are manipulated puppets without critical thinking wrong.

But no. You, very unfortunately, proved all of us right.

And here comes the question, what is the meaning of democracy when those who exist in the democracy as a majority are uneducated, easily manipulated people? When their ideology goes against those which we have established as right and moral?

Today you didn't "make America great again." On the contrary, you made it horrible. Good bye America. Good bye.