Random Thoughts XXXXI

When people leave, when they make it clear either by their words or their behaviour, that they don't want you to be part of their life, you need to leave.
You need to respect their decision, but also, to respect yourself.

Don't beg. Don't try to contact them. Don't try to change their mind. Don't try to see how they're doing, if they're ok.
Once you have established you're not wanted, leave.

Rejection is hard, but you've probably rejected people around you without realising it too.
We'll always hurt others and others will always hurt us, that's for sure.

So accept the fact and move on.

For them, but also for you as well. 

The kids and the dark spiral

I hear screams coming from outside.

It's the school kids so I don't pay attention (they scream and shout for no reason all the time).

A few minutes pass and I hear screams and a commotion.

I look outside my window only to see a kid bleeding, being separated from someone he was fighting with. They almost got hit by a car as well.

The girls of the group kept on screaming while some of the boys left, and some others were with the kid who was bleeding.

They kept on screaming and shouting, and most of them seemed to enjoy the drama that was caused.

Not even one adult tried to separate the kids who were fighting, not even one adult tried to see if the boy was ok. Mind you the road was really busy at the time, so there were plenty of people around.

Most of the kids didn't try to help resolve the situation either.

Watching these young kids on a daily basis, overhearing their conversations, observing their attitude, it makes me really sad.

So much hatred, aggression, hate from such a young age.

So much unnecessary loudness and screaming, which is probably compensating for the things they really wanna say, for wanting to truly be heard. Or maybe because they have no other tools to communicate.

So much time wasted on things that are irrelevant and unimportant. Time they'll never get back.

I wonder what are their parents doing; whether they're ensuring their kids grow in a loving environment or are they too busy with work, survival and problems to care?

These kids are going to grow up thinking that what they're doing now is ok. Shouting, being violent, fighting... They're going to think that shouting is the only way of communication and violence is the only way to resolve your problems.

They're not going to be given the opportunity to explore peace and serenity in their lives. How beneficial civil interaction and communication can be, and how issues can be resolved calmly, without people having to get hurt.

And at times like this, when I see the younger generations going down that dark spiral that the previous generations created, I feel hopeless.

Μ'ακούς;

Πολλές φορές όταν μου λένε να μην παίρνω το μισογυνισμό στα σοβαρά ή ότι είμαι υπερβολική, θέλω να ουρλιάξω:

-Υποφέρω, μ'ακούς;

-Φοβάμαι κάθε άντρα που με πλησιάζει στο δρόμο γιατί πιστεύω ότι θέλει να μου κάνει κακό, μ'ακούς;

-Όταν περπατάω μόνη μου τη νύχτα κοιτάω πίσω μου συνέχεια και κρατάω τα κλειδιά μου σε περίπτωση που μου επιτεθούν, μ'ακούς;

-Όταν αμφισβητείς τη γνώση μου για ένα θέμα το οποίο γνωρίζω, επειδή είμαι γυναίκα, είναι άδικο, μ'ακούς;

-Όταν μου φέρεσαι λες και σου ανήκω ή είμαι ένα κομμάτι κρέας ή δεν είμαι άνθρωπος, εξοργίζομαι, μ'ακούς;

-Όταν δε με προσλαμβάνουν σε μία δουλειά γιατί πιστεύουν ότι είναι πιο εύκολο να δουλεύουν με άντρες, νιώθω απελπισία, μ'ακούς;

-Όταν μου λες ότι ο τόνος της φωνής μου είναι πιο σημαντικός από τα λόγια μου και θες να είμαι ήρεμη όταν μου συμβαίνουν αδικίες, νιώθω θυμό, μ'ακούς;

Και θα μπορούσα να πω πολλά ακόμα, αλλά το πρόβλημα είναι ότι δε μ'ακούς...

Happy Poetry Day

Happy Poetry day they all say

But no poems do they dedicate

To the poor, to the hungry, to all

Who are suffering, who are the dead toll

Random Thoughts XXXX

I'm extremely conflicted.

On one hand, I strongly believe there is absolutely no hope for humanity.

On the other hand, due to my character I can't stop fighting for equality and fairness.

It's hard to give up sometimes.

But what happens when -whatever you do- things don't change?

Core Beliefs

It's very hard indeed to challenge your core beliefs.

It can be tremendously painful to see that your core beliefs may be based on deception, weakness, brainwashing, lies etc...

However, if you want to be free, if you want to be your own person, if you want to avoid deception and exploitation, you need to challenge your core beliefs at all costs.

Random Thoughts XXXIX

You scrolling through your facebook timeline is just another form of consumerism.

Victim Blaming

I would like to talk briefly about victim blaming.
Victim blaming has been integrated in our society to such an extend, that even a judge will ask a rape victim what they were wearing.

What people need to know is the following:
A rapist/abuser/harasser is not provoked by their victim.
Whatever the victim does/says/wears is irrelevant.

The rapist/abuser/harasser has the tendency/desire/need to abuse/harass/rape for the following reason(s):
-They feel entitled to the above mentioned behaviours. Yes, they feel they have the right to rape/abuse/harass you
-They feel you are lower than them, and you should be their submissive
-They don't see the abuse as abuse, the rape as rape, the harassment as harassment. They see them as fulfilling their sexual needs (ofc ignoring you and your consent), venting off, communicating etc
-They are sadists/narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths

There may be more reasons behind their behaviour, but I think you get my point.

We should never blame the victim, question their trauma or suggest their behaviour/appearance should be different.
This may cause great distress to a victim. And it's totally unnecessary.

So, if you're ever been a victim of any sort of abuse, harassment, rape... It's not your fault. It never was, it never will be.
You're a survivor, you're a strong person and it may take some time, but you will be ok.

ps. Please, when a victim is telling you their story: listen. Just listen.

Random Thoughts XXXVIII

I miss you so much. I wanna touch you. I'm hungry for you...

Random Thoughts XXXVII

That moment when young people no longer have the luxury to make mistakes and not think of the future, we know the previous generations fucked up...

Random Thoughts XXXVI

I have had to let go of many people in my life.

Friends, "family," lovers...

All of those people had one thing in common: they either disrespected me or someone/something I care about.
Now, those people as most of the people that have approached me or formed all sorts of relations with me over the years trusted me with secrets, and personal information.
I don't know, it seems people like to open up to me for some reason.
No matter what a person has done to me, and how much they have hurt me I have never shared their secrets or personal info.
And I never will.

So, when I see people who are "best friends" backstabbing each other or gossiping about each other and sharing extremely private information without the other person's consent, I get pissed off.
Don't do that shit.

If you have a person in your life that you feel you can't respect or treat properly, let them go. 
Sometimes people bring the worst of us, but those people we need to let go. 

For them, but more importantly, for ourselves.

Greek society - Murder

A morbid yet unfortunately representative example of Greek society (especially smaller towns and islands):

A 37 year old woman, mother of three children was murdered by her husband.
He was planning the crime for a long time, hence why he made certain changes to his farm (moving big rocks etc) to accommodate the body.
Reportedly, the woman started taking kickboxing lessons two years ago (maybe because she was suspicious or already receiving physical abuse?).
She had told her close friends she felt trapped in her marriage and wanted to divorce her husband and move to another city with her children. Apparently he was the jealous type, and one night when he thought that his wife received text from an ex he strangled her. She actually had a broken leg so she couldn't really fight back. He lied to the children, her parents and the police until the end. When the police found the body buried in his farm he started running for it. The police think there is a possibility her father in law helped his son hide the body.

That is Greek society. Trapping women in harmful relationships that result in their death (either physical or emotional). Because even if this woman survived she would still not feel she had anyone in her environment who could save her or help her escape from her husband. And the husband brainwashed from patriarchy, he felt entitled to kill her.

How scary is that. Someone thinking they have the right to take your life because you no longer want to be with them.

I find it extremely hypocritical that the locals are so shocked, talking about how unfair the murder was.
You are the ones perpetuating misogyny, believing females should be in the kitchen raising the kids, taking care of the house...
You are the ones telling women to put up with abuse and domestic violence.
Yet, you pretend to be saddened by the death of this woman. Guess what. You have her blood on your hands as well.
For every murder, for every suicide, for every rape, for every street harassment, for every inequality...
You Greek society. You and your anachronistic hypocritical conservatism are to blame.

So, fuck you.

2016

Time to reflect on the shitty year, before a new shittier year comes:

Thinking back, every year after 2009 (which was when I left Greece and came to the UK -and also when austerity started hitting Greece) has been extremely hard.
2013-2015 in particular were horrible. 

Every year I have zero hopes for the next year, and my only wish is for the year to not be worse than the previous one.
Unfortunately, every year ends being a lot worse than the previous one, so I'm not under any illusion that this year is going to be any different.

Usually I would always be excited about NYE and I would always celebrate, go out, spend time with friends etc.
This year NYE is going to be just like any other day to me, I do not plan on celebrating, because I find it quite ironic to celebrate the shit that is going to come.

Let's see what kinda shit 2016 is going to bring...

Depression.

Let me tell you a few things about depression:

Depression is a vampire. It drains you of all your positive feelings.

Depression is unexpected. It can come to you when you think you’re happy, having the best time of your life.

Depression is a rapist. It forces itself into you and you have no control over when it will be satisfied by your pain enough and stop.

Depression is darkness. It’s the tunnel that has no end, no hope of light.

Depression is that monster that lurks in the shadows of your soul and waits patiently until it feels there are enough shadows for it to make a move on you.

Depression is a thief. It steals your friends, your lovers, your family, your job, your education and anything/anyone you hold dear or important.

Depression is a state, it’s a condition. It’s not a feeling, but it consists of many feelings like: agony, pain, sadness, feeling as a failure, feeling suicidal etc.

Depression is an eternal battle. It’s not curable. You have to learn to live with it. You have to embrace the fact that you’re always going to suffer from it, and try to learn how to manage it.

It’s really important to talk about depression. Bottling up your feelings and going through depression on your own is extremely hard on yourself.
Ask for help. Talk to a friend, family member, stranger on the street/internet, therapist, counselor, support group...

Because always remember:
Sharing and asking for help are depression’s worst enemies. 
When you face depression with the assistance of others, its strength and control towards you reduces.

ps. Many times being suicidal doesn’t mean you necessarily want to commit suicide. It means you just can’t take all this pain and negative feelings anymore. So don’t try to end your life! There are free services that are there to help you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you need help? (some useful links):
-http://www.befrienders.org/
-http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
-http://www.samaritans.org/
-http://www.depressionalliance.org/information/useful-contacts
-http://www.swlstg-tr.nhs.uk/advice-support/for_service_users/telephone_helplines/

This is an open letter to all the "feminists" and "activists" who have verbally abused me online:

To say that white people can never be part of a minority is extremely ignorant. Also whiteness isn't an absolute indicator of one's origins.
I'm sick and tired of people saying: "You're a straight cis white female, you have no right to talk about racism, gender etc". Guess what...
You don't know me. You have no right to make assumptions about me. You -falsely- presume what kind of person -you think- I am or what kind of experiences I have had.
Well, you guessed wrong.

The fact that in your eyes I'm a straight cis white female doesn't entitle you to mistreat me nor to shut me up.

What is whiteness? What does it represent?
Yes, I am pale as fuck. However, I come from Greece. Greece is a mediterranean/balkanian country with a variety of oriental influences. Did you know that I have been bullied for being pale because people didn't believe that I was a "real" Greek? Did you know that I received racism throughout my life for not being darker? No? Then stop making assumptions.
(When I complained to a 'feminist' page's moderators about the abuse I was receiving, they couldn't assist me because I don't come from a minority. But I'm a Greek woman living in London!)

What does being straight mean? What does it represent?
Yes, I have a boyfriend (that doesn't really tell you much about my sexual orientation btw). However, did you know that for the biggest part of my life everyone presumed I was a lesbian due to my appearance and behaviour and that I was on the receiving end of horrendous comments and behaviours?
Oh, you didn't know that? Then maybe you should stop making assumptions.

What does being cisgender mean? What does it represent?
Yes, I was born female, I look like a female and I -for the most part of it- identify as a female today. However, did you know that for a big part of my life I was suffering from gender dysphoria because I identified as gender neutral?
Oh, you didn't know that? Then maybe you should stop making assumptions then.

Moreover, apart from being straight, cis and white in your eyes, you should also see I am fat (as it's not very easy to hide that anyway).
Do you know how much fat phobia and fat shaming I had to put up with? Or maybe you choose to ignore this, you choose to ignore anything that can prove that I can suffer too, despite being a "straight cis white female".

Something that no one ever thinks about and no one mentions:
I have been suffering from mental illness since I was a child. Do you have any fucking clue what that means? The trauma, the confusion, the tremendous difficulties in surviving as a person who suffers from mental illness.
But I guess you presumed I'm mentally healthy because as a "straight cis white female" I have no right to suffer, right? Well, guess again.

I'm not saying that I haven't benefitted from white privilege. I'm not saying I haven't benefitted from passing as cis. I do acknowledge those facts. Nevertheless, to demean and devalue my whole life because of that, when you don't know what I had to go through is atrocious.
Especially when it's coming from so called "feminists" and "activists".
You don't know my story, so stop making assumptions about it.

Lastly, I shouldn't have to explain myself. I don't owe you my private information. I don't owe you my story to justify your respect.
You should respect me as I have respected you.

I have been on the receiving end of so much verbal abuse through pages that supposedly fight oppression that my mental health was put in jeopardy. I decided to step back from any hate filled page disguising to be about equality. Maybe some of you mistake equality for revenge.

Lara.