Random Thoughts XXXX

I'm extremely conflicted.

On one hand, I strongly believe there is absolutely no hope for humanity.

On the other hand, due to my character I can't stop fighting for equality and fairness.

It's hard to give up sometimes.

But what happens when -whatever you do- things don't change?

Core Beliefs

It's very hard indeed to challenge your core beliefs.

It can be tremendously painful to see that your core beliefs may be based on deception, weakness, brainwashing, lies etc...

However, if you want to be free, if you want to be your own person, if you want to avoid deception and exploitation, you need to challenge your core beliefs at all costs.

Random Thoughts XXXIX

You scrolling through your facebook timeline is just another form of consumerism.

Victim Blaming

I would like to talk briefly about victim blaming.
Victim blaming has been integrated in our society to such an extend, that even a judge will ask a rape victim what they were wearing.

What people need to know is the following:
A rapist/abuser/harasser is not provoked by their victim.
Whatever the victim does/says/wears is irrelevant.

The rapist/abuser/harasser has the tendency/desire/need to abuse/harass/rape for the following reason(s):
-They feel entitled to the above mentioned behaviours. Yes, they feel they have the right to rape/abuse/harass you
-They feel you are lower than them, and you should be their submissive
-They don't see the abuse as abuse, the rape as rape, the harassment as harassment. They see them as fulfilling their sexual needs (ofc ignoring you and your consent), venting off, communicating etc
-They are sadists/narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths

There may be more reasons behind their behaviour, but I think you get my point.

We should never blame the victim, question their trauma or suggest their behaviour/appearance should be different.
This may cause great distress to a victim. And it's totally unnecessary.

So, if you're ever been a victim of any sort of abuse, harassment, rape... It's not your fault. It never was, it never will be.
You're a survivor, you're a strong person and it may take some time, but you will be ok.

ps. Please, when a victim is telling you their story: listen. Just listen.

Random Thoughts XXXVIII

I miss you so much. I wanna touch you. I'm hungry for you...

Random Thoughts XXXVII

That moment when young people no longer have the luxury to make mistakes and not think of the future, we know the previous generations fucked up...

Random Thoughts XXXVI

I have had to let go of many people in my life.

Friends, "family," lovers...

All of those people had one thing in common: they either disrespected me or someone/something I care about.
Now, those people as most of the people that have approached me or formed all sorts of relations with me over the years trusted me with secrets, and personal information.
I don't know, it seems people like to open up to me for some reason.
No matter what a person has done to me, and how much they have hurt me I have never shared their secrets or personal info.
And I never will.

So, when I see people who are "best friends" backstabbing each other or gossiping about each other and sharing extremely private information without the other person's consent, I get pissed off.
Don't do that shit.

If you have a person in your life that you feel you can't respect or treat properly, let them go. 
Sometimes people bring the worst of us, but those people we need to let go. 

For them, but more importantly, for ourselves.

Greek society - Murder

A morbid yet unfortunately representative example of Greek society (especially smaller towns and islands):

A 37 year old woman, mother of three children was murdered by her husband.
He was planning the crime for a long time, hence why he made certain changes to his farm (moving big rocks etc) to accommodate the body.
Reportedly, the woman started taking kickboxing lessons two years ago (maybe because she was suspicious or already receiving physical abuse?).
She had told her close friends she felt trapped in her marriage and wanted to divorce her husband and move to another city with her children. Apparently he was the jealous type, and one night when he thought that his wife received text from an ex he strangled her. She actually had a broken leg so she couldn't really fight back. He lied to the children, her parents and the police until the end. When the police found the body buried in his farm he started running for it. The police think there is a possibility her father in law helped his son hide the body.

That is Greek society. Trapping women in harmful relationships that result in their death (either physical or emotional). Because even if this woman survived she would still not feel she had anyone in her environment who could save her or help her escape from her husband. And the husband brainwashed from patriarchy, he felt entitled to kill her.

How scary is that. Someone thinking they have the right to take your life because you no longer want to be with them.

I find it extremely hypocritical that the locals are so shocked, talking about how unfair the murder was.
You are the ones perpetuating misogyny, believing females should be in the kitchen raising the kids, taking care of the house...
You are the ones telling women to put up with abuse and domestic violence.
Yet, you pretend to be saddened by the death of this woman. Guess what. You have her blood on your hands as well.
For every murder, for every suicide, for every rape, for every street harassment, for every inequality...
You Greek society. You and your anachronistic hypocritical conservatism are to blame.

So, fuck you.

2016

Time to reflect on the shitty year, before a new shittier year comes:

Thinking back, every year after 2009 (which was when I left Greece and came to the UK -and also when austerity started hitting Greece) has been extremely hard.
2013-2015 in particular were horrible. 

Every year I have zero hopes for the next year, and my only wish is for the year to not be worse than the previous one.
Unfortunately, every year ends being a lot worse than the previous one, so I'm not under any illusion that this year is going to be any different.

Usually I would always be excited about NYE and I would always celebrate, go out, spend time with friends etc.
This year NYE is going to be just like any other day to me, I do not plan on celebrating, because I find it quite ironic to celebrate the shit that is going to come.

Let's see what kinda shit 2016 is going to bring...

Depression.

Let me tell you a few things about depression:

Depression is a vampire. It drains you of all your positive feelings.

Depression is unexpected. It can come to you when you think you’re happy, having the best time of your life.

Depression is a rapist. It forces itself into you and you have no control over when it will be satisfied by your pain enough and stop.

Depression is darkness. It’s the tunnel that has no end, no hope of light.

Depression is that monster that lurks in the shadows of your soul and waits patiently until it feels there are enough shadows for it to make a move on you.

Depression is a thief. It steals your friends, your lovers, your family, your job, your education and anything/anyone you hold dear or important.

Depression is a state, it’s a condition. It’s not a feeling, but it consists of many feelings like: agony, pain, sadness, feeling as a failure, feeling suicidal etc.

Depression is an eternal battle. It’s not curable. You have to learn to live with it. You have to embrace the fact that you’re always going to suffer from it, and try to learn how to manage it.

It’s really important to talk about depression. Bottling up your feelings and going through depression on your own is extremely hard on yourself.
Ask for help. Talk to a friend, family member, stranger on the street/internet, therapist, counselor, support group...

Because always remember:
Sharing and asking for help are depression’s worst enemies. 
When you face depression with the assistance of others, its strength and control towards you reduces.

ps. Many times being suicidal doesn’t mean you necessarily want to commit suicide. It means you just can’t take all this pain and negative feelings anymore. So don’t try to end your life! There are free services that are there to help you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you need help? (some useful links):
-http://www.befrienders.org/
-http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
-http://www.samaritans.org/
-http://www.depressionalliance.org/information/useful-contacts
-http://www.swlstg-tr.nhs.uk/advice-support/for_service_users/telephone_helplines/

This is an open letter to all the "feminists" and "activists" who have verbally abused me online:

To say that white people can never be part of a minority is extremely ignorant. Also whiteness isn't an absolute indicator of one's origins.
I'm sick and tired of people saying: "You're a straight cis white female, you have no right to talk about racism, gender etc". Guess what...
You don't know me. You have no right to make assumptions about me. You -falsely- presume what kind of person -you think- I am or what kind of experiences I have had.
Well, you guessed wrong.

The fact that in your eyes I'm a straight cis white female doesn't entitle you to mistreat me nor to shut me up.

What is whiteness? What does it represent?
Yes, I am pale as fuck. However, I come from Greece. Greece is a mediterranean/balkanian country with a variety of oriental influences. Did you know that I have been bullied for being pale because people didn't believe that I was a "real" Greek? Did you know that I received racism throughout my life for not being darker? No? Then stop making assumptions.
(When I complained to a 'feminist' page's moderators about the abuse I was receiving, they couldn't assist me because I don't come from a minority. But I'm a Greek woman living in London!)

What does being straight mean? What does it represent?
Yes, I have a boyfriend (that doesn't really tell you much about my sexual orientation btw). However, did you know that for the biggest part of my life everyone presumed I was a lesbian due to my appearance and behaviour and that I was on the receiving end of horrendous comments and behaviours?
Oh, you didn't know that? Then maybe you should stop making assumptions.

What does being cisgender mean? What does it represent?
Yes, I was born female, I look like a female and I -for the most part of it- identify as a female today. However, did you know that for a big part of my life I was suffering from gender dysphoria because I identified as gender neutral?
Oh, you didn't know that? Then maybe you should stop making assumptions then.

Moreover, apart from being straight, cis and white in your eyes, you should also see I am fat (as it's not very easy to hide that anyway).
Do you know how much fat phobia and fat shaming I had to put up with? Or maybe you choose to ignore this, you choose to ignore anything that can prove that I can suffer too, despite being a "straight cis white female".

Something that no one ever thinks about and no one mentions:
I have been suffering from mental illness since I was a child. Do you have any fucking clue what that means? The trauma, the confusion, the tremendous difficulties in surviving as a person who suffers from mental illness.
But I guess you presumed I'm mentally healthy because as a "straight cis white female" I have no right to suffer, right? Well, guess again.

I'm not saying that I haven't benefitted from white privilege. I'm not saying I haven't benefitted from passing as cis. I do acknowledge those facts. Nevertheless, to demean and devalue my whole life because of that, when you don't know what I had to go through is atrocious.
Especially when it's coming from so called "feminists" and "activists".
You don't know my story, so stop making assumptions about it.

Lastly, I shouldn't have to explain myself. I don't owe you my private information. I don't owe you my story to justify your respect.
You should respect me as I have respected you.

I have been on the receiving end of so much verbal abuse through pages that supposedly fight oppression that my mental health was put in jeopardy. I decided to step back from any hate filled page disguising to be about equality. Maybe some of you mistake equality for revenge.

Lara.

Hashimoto

I have been fat shamed all my life. More than often by medical professionals.

For years, no one ever even considered the possibility that I wasn't fat due to my diet, but due to a health issue.

When I was 19 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto, a thyroid dysfunction.

What Hashimoto does to you is basically this: it fucks your metabolism up. Nothing works as it should. Since it is an autoimmune disease there is no cure. You can just take medication to stop it from getting worse.

You can experience hair loss, extremely dry skin, growing hair in places that you shouldn't, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, abnormal weight gain and so on. I ticked most of those boxes.

Fast forward to 2015, me being 26 years old and taking my thyroid meds.

I had to bring my meds from Greece because UK doctors wouldn't prescribe my meds for me (even though they happily prescribed opiates and antidepressants).

When I finally convinced my GP that I need my medication she prescribed the wrong amount of mg for me. And she did that on purpose. I waited for a few months and upon realising I was gaining weight for no reason (I eat healthier than most people) I went back to see her.

So, when I explained to her that she needs to change my dose she said I should see a dietician. I explained to her that I will not tolerate fat shaming and that being a vegetarian I eat extremely healthy.

She arranged for a few blood tests and an ultrasound (which may take up to a couple of months to take place). She said we could discuss the dose after I get the results back and see a dietician.

So that leaves me hanging for the next few months, not knowing how my body will react -considering I'm not taking the right amount of medication.

However, I know that if I was wealthy and I could afford a private doctor I would have been tested properly and prescribed all the right medication that I need in no time.

Apparently the price you have to pay for not being wealthy is jeopardising your health.

Wisdom Tooth Terror

Everything you wanted to know about my horrific dental experience!

(well, even if you didn't give a shit about it now you can watch my narration of it lol)

1 reason I love you

I love you because whenever I ask for pen and paper you never ask why...

Friendship

Today one word has been on my mind all day:
Friendship.

One of the noblest, the purest, the kindest forms of human relationships.

True friendship is something you can't buy nor demand.

True friendship manifests itself when two (or more) people have co-existed throughout the different trajectories of their lives loving, supporting and understanding one another.

I am extremely fortunate to have experienced true friendships in my life. I treasure each and everyone of them.

And to the beautiful souls that have gifted me their friendship, I want to say:
Thank you.