Morning Thoughts

So the person who cleans our flat is having another tantrum today, banging the hoover on the floor, slamming doors and making as much noise as she possibly can. Many times when she's having a bad day she will make noise on purpose, knowing that some of us sleep, and/or she won't clean properly (actually, she never cleans properly). She's a great example of a person who wants to ruin someone else's day because she's not happy.
I've been observing for years, that many of the people I randomly encounter on the street/shops/public transport/etc. have the same mentality as her: "Since I hate my life or since I'm having a bad day, I will take it out on other people -even if they have nothing to do with my situation- or I will try to make other people miserable because no one should be happier than me."
This mentality and behaviour is one of the most harmful elements in human thought and behaviour in my opinion. Because it perpetuates misery and recycles negativity, hate and aggression. But this also stems from the inability of humans to recognise their true enemies. The person whom you took your anger out on the tube isn't your enemy. That person isn't responsible for your misery. You are responsible for your misery, and possibly the system, economy etc. So to target a random individual is harmful and irrational. I'm not saying that people can't piss you off. Of course, they can. And sometimes you do have to tell people off on the tube, in a shop etc. if they're doing something that disrespects you, hurts you or obstructs you from what you are doing. But that is very different to taking out other issues you have on random people.

Random Thoughts XXXXVIV

That moment when you realise you are incapable of feeling absolute and pure happiness.

Harsh Reality

That moment when you realise dreams are just dreams that will never become reality.
That moment when you start crying because you slowly realise there is no hope.
That moment despair creeps in as you see your whole life crumble...

That moment has come for me. And it has come after me.

That moment when you realise everyone's hopes and expectations of you will never be materialised, because reality isn't a thought, an ability or a desire.

Reality is harsh as fuck and it crushes your whole being.

Wisdom Tooth Poem

Another day of rice and soup, fuck you, damn you, wisdom tooth

My tooth doesn't hurt as much no more, But I have to be careful not to make it sore

Fuck you, damn you, wisdom tooth, I want mozzarella sticks to tell the truth

Random Thoughts XXXXVIII

And you just lost the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Bye.

Random Thoughts XXXXVII

Sometimes you realise that you can just not tolerate anything else.
You have surpassed that point that used to be your limit by far, and even the smallest things can become triggers to send you off the edge.

And I'm at that point now, where I've taken too much bullshit, I've been too under appreciated, I've had to put up with too much ungratefullness, I had to survive obstacles on a daily basis, I had too many health implications, I had too many bad things happen to me constantly, and in general:
I've had enough.

Yes, I've had enough.
So from now on, get ready. This summer is going to be explosive.

Brexit

So apparently the brexiters won.

Right wings, racists, nationalists won.

I can't begin to tell you my feelings towards this result.

A country that is being governed by the Tories left the EU. This government wants to privatise the NHS, give less money to the Arts and Education, and give more power to banks and corporations.

Now that UK isn't part of the EU anymore, these things will happen. Dark times await the UK.

On top of that, there is no apparent plan for the aftermath of the brexit.

And what will happen to all of us who are from the EU and have been living in UK for years?

And what will happen to all the British people who live in the EU?

UK will be punished from the EU for this decision. Any brexiter who thought they can leave the EU and still be pampered by the EU is delusional.

And of course, now there is a great divide. Those who wanted to remain will never forgive the ones who wanted to leave, and those who wanted to leave now will have a sense of power over the ones who wanted to remain.

The majority of young people wanted to remain, and older people to leave, thus leaving the younger generations despising the older ones, feeling their future has been destroyed by anachronistic political and nationalist views.

The great divide begins, the dark ages begin.

Well done UK, you just started the domino effect of destruction.

Random Thoughts XXXXVI

That terrifying moment when you realise you can't trust your brain anymore...

Random Thoughts XXXXV

It's really hard to know that this is the only life I'm going to live, but it's not going to be the one I want to live.

Random Thoughts XXXXIV

I don't think that being optimistic is usually being realistic.
And unless you're coming from an extremely privileged background you can't really afford to be unrealistic, because you won't fucking survive in this jungle called "the adult world."

Donald Trump

The mere existence of Donald Trump and the fact that people are supporting him and he may become the president of USA shows humanity has no fucking hope.

In 2016, in 2016, there are still racists, white supremacists, homo/poly/transphobes, fatphobes, bullies, rapists, abusers, serial killers, cannibals, misogynists, sexists, extreme right wing people, people who torture animals, pedophiles, ableists, mentalists...

Humanity has existed for hundreds of thousands of years and we still discriminate against each other (not to mention that there is still war, hunger, poverty).

I generally exist in a very protected environment since my friends and most of my acquaintances are decent people and none of the above.

But in the past couple of years I have been exposed to the true nature of humanity widely and forcefully, through the internet.

And the more active I am online, the more desperate I become.

The more I lose any last fragment of hope I may have had.

Because for humanity to be the way it is, to have been and still be the way it is, it means any sort of evolution doesn't change the core of the human psych and behaviour. Hate and discrimination.

No matter how evolved we are as a species, no matter how fast technical advances and science unravel the mysteries of the universe, we won't change.

Evil is ingrained in our souls. That is very apparent to me. Not sure if it's somehow passed in our dna. But it is there.

And all this leaves me questioning, is goodness a minority?

Are we, the ones who demand peace and equality a painful minority?

Because if we are, where does that live us in the sense of demanding those things?

Random Thoughts XXXXIII

Wondering if all those people supporting the brand Chanel know how Coco came to make her fortune and what kind of relations she had with the Nazis. Is fashion more important than morals and ethos? Would you buy products created by a company owned by a pedophile for example? Where does consumerism stop -if at any point- and where does free and critical thinking begin?

Mental illness

There should be no stigma around mental illness.

There should be no bullying, no shaming, no punishing.

There should be empathy, understanding and support.

If you feel you can't support a person who suffers from mental illness that's ok. It can be emotionally draining and highly demanding. But at least don't bring that person down. Don't shame them or make fun of their illness.

I'm a person who has been suffering from mental illness since I was a child, since I started being conscious of my surroundings and myself.

I'm not a stereotype, I'm not a statistic and I'm definitely not "crazy" or "mental."

I'm not an indication of how other people who suffer from mental illnesses are. Each of us is different. Even if we suffer from the same condition, we're still different.

I'm not asking the people around me to be my therapist, carer etc. If I'm forming bonds and relationships with people it's because I like them, respect them etc. Not because I'm expecting to be taken care of. I can take care of myself. And if I can't, I'll refer to a professional.

Even though I suffer from mental illness myself, there were times when I distanced myself from other people who suffered from mental illness because I couldn't handle the impact their condition had on me. And that's ok. Because self care is a priority and it's important. But I never insulted those people for their conditions, I never shamed them nor blamed them. I walked away discreetly and respectfully.

Respect is tremendously important. We're not less of a human due to our mental illnesses. On the contrary, we are emotional, we feel, we exist. And we deserve respect, as any other being on this planet.

So, if you feel you can't understand mental illness, if you feel you don't want to do research on it, at least do not judge people who suffer from it.

Ignorance is bliss

The ones that possess intelligence and consciousness will always suffer.

Tormented by their realisations and thoughts, they will never be able to eliminate stress and despair from their lives.

Random Thoughts XXXXII

That moment came when I realised I've lived most of my life in despair.

Despair because -secretly- I always knew there was no hope.

Vanity.