Random Thoughts XXXVII

That moment when young people no longer have the luxury to make mistakes and not think of the future, we know the previous generations fucked up...

Random Thoughts XXXVI

I have had to let go of many people in my life.

Friends, "family," lovers...

All of those people had one thing in common: they either disrespected me or someone/something I care about.
Now, those people as most of the people that have approached me or formed all sorts of relations with me over the years trusted me with secrets, and personal information.
I don't know, it seems people like to open up to me for some reason.
No matter what a person has done to me, and how much they have hurt me I have never shared their secrets or personal info.
And I never will.

So, when I see people who are "best friends" backstabbing each other or gossiping about each other and sharing extremely private information without the other person's consent, I get pissed off.
Don't do that shit.

If you have a person in your life that you feel you can't respect or treat properly, let them go. 
Sometimes people bring the worst of us, but those people we need to let go. 

For them, but more importantly, for ourselves.

Greek society - Murder

A morbid yet unfortunately representative example of Greek society (especially smaller towns and islands):

A 37 year old woman, mother of three children was murdered by her husband.
He was planning the crime for a long time, hence why he made certain changes to his farm (moving big rocks etc) to accommodate the body.
Reportedly, the woman started taking kickboxing lessons two years ago (maybe because she was suspicious or already receiving physical abuse?).
She had told her close friends she felt trapped in her marriage and wanted to divorce her husband and move to another city with her children. Apparently he was the jealous type, and one night when he thought that his wife received text from an ex he strangled her. She actually had a broken leg so she couldn't really fight back. He lied to the children, her parents and the police until the end. When the police found the body buried in his farm he started running for it. The police think there is a possibility her father in law helped his son hide the body.

That is Greek society. Trapping women in harmful relationships that result in their death (either physical or emotional). Because even if this woman survived she would still not feel she had anyone in her environment who could save her or help her escape from her husband. And the husband brainwashed from patriarchy, he felt entitled to kill her.

How scary is that. Someone thinking they have the right to take your life because you no longer want to be with them.

I find it extremely hypocritical that the locals are so shocked, talking about how unfair the murder was.
You are the ones perpetuating misogyny, believing females should be in the kitchen raising the kids, taking care of the house...
You are the ones telling women to put up with abuse and domestic violence.
Yet, you pretend to be saddened by the death of this woman. Guess what. You have her blood on your hands as well.
For every murder, for every suicide, for every rape, for every street harassment, for every inequality...
You Greek society. You and your anachronistic hypocritical conservatism are to blame.

So, fuck you.

2016

Time to reflect on the shitty year, before a new shittier year comes:

Thinking back, every year after 2009 (which was when I left Greece and came to the UK -and also when austerity started hitting Greece) has been extremely hard.
2013-2015 in particular were horrible. 

Every year I have zero hopes for the next year, and my only wish is for the year to not be worse than the previous one.
Unfortunately, every year ends being a lot worse than the previous one, so I'm not under any illusion that this year is going to be any different.

Usually I would always be excited about NYE and I would always celebrate, go out, spend time with friends etc.
This year NYE is going to be just like any other day to me, I do not plan on celebrating, because I find it quite ironic to celebrate the shit that is going to come.

Let's see what kinda shit 2016 is going to bring...

Depression.

Let me tell you a few things about depression:

Depression is a vampire. It drains you of all your positive feelings.

Depression is unexpected. It can come to you when you think you’re happy, having the best time of your life.

Depression is a rapist. It forces itself into you and you have no control over when it will be satisfied by your pain enough and stop.

Depression is darkness. It’s the tunnel that has no end, no hope of light.

Depression is that monster that lurks in the shadows of your soul and waits patiently until it feels there are enough shadows for it to make a move on you.

Depression is a thief. It steals your friends, your lovers, your family, your job, your education and anything/anyone you hold dear or important.

Depression is a state, it’s a condition. It’s not a feeling, but it consists of many feelings like: agony, pain, sadness, feeling as a failure, feeling suicidal etc.

Depression is an eternal battle. It’s not curable. You have to learn to live with it. You have to embrace the fact that you’re always going to suffer from it, and try to learn how to manage it.

It’s really important to talk about depression. Bottling up your feelings and going through depression on your own is extremely hard on yourself.
Ask for help. Talk to a friend, family member, stranger on the street/internet, therapist, counselor, support group...

Because always remember:
Sharing and asking for help are depression’s worst enemies. 
When you face depression with the assistance of others, its strength and control towards you reduces.

ps. Many times being suicidal doesn’t mean you necessarily want to commit suicide. It means you just can’t take all this pain and negative feelings anymore. So don’t try to end your life! There are free services that are there to help you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you need help? (some useful links):
-http://www.befrienders.org/
-http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
-http://www.samaritans.org/
-http://www.depressionalliance.org/information/useful-contacts
-http://www.swlstg-tr.nhs.uk/advice-support/for_service_users/telephone_helplines/

This is an open letter to all the "feminists" and "activists" who have verbally abused me online:

To say that white people can never be part of a minority is extremely ignorant. Also whiteness isn't an absolute indicator of one's origins.
I'm sick and tired of people saying: "You're a straight cis white female, you have no right to talk about racism, gender etc". Guess what...
You don't know me. You have no right to make assumptions about me. You -falsely- presume what kind of person -you think- I am or what kind of experiences I have had.
Well, you guessed wrong.

The fact that in your eyes I'm a straight cis white female doesn't entitle you to mistreat me nor to shut me up.

What is whiteness? What does it represent?
Yes, I am pale as fuck. However, I come from Greece. Greece is a mediterranean/balkanian country with a variety of oriental influences. Did you know that I have been bullied for being pale because people didn't believe that I was a "real" Greek? Did you know that I received racism throughout my life for not being darker? No? Then stop making assumptions.
(When I complained to a 'feminist' page's moderators about the abuse I was receiving, they couldn't assist me because I don't come from a minority. But I'm a Greek woman living in London!)

What does being straight mean? What does it represent?
Yes, I have a boyfriend (that doesn't really tell you much about my sexual orientation btw). However, did you know that for the biggest part of my life everyone presumed I was a lesbian due to my appearance and behaviour and that I was on the receiving end of horrendous comments and behaviours?
Oh, you didn't know that? Then maybe you should stop making assumptions.

What does being cisgender mean? What does it represent?
Yes, I was born female, I look like a female and I -for the most part of it- identify as a female today. However, did you know that for a big part of my life I was suffering from gender dysphoria because I identified as gender neutral?
Oh, you didn't know that? Then maybe you should stop making assumptions then.

Moreover, apart from being straight, cis and white in your eyes, you should also see I am fat (as it's not very easy to hide that anyway).
Do you know how much fat phobia and fat shaming I had to put up with? Or maybe you choose to ignore this, you choose to ignore anything that can prove that I can suffer too, despite being a "straight cis white female".

Something that no one ever thinks about and no one mentions:
I have been suffering from mental illness since I was a child. Do you have any fucking clue what that means? The trauma, the confusion, the tremendous difficulties in surviving as a person who suffers from mental illness.
But I guess you presumed I'm mentally healthy because as a "straight cis white female" I have no right to suffer, right? Well, guess again.

I'm not saying that I haven't benefitted from white privilege. I'm not saying I haven't benefitted from passing as cis. I do acknowledge those facts. Nevertheless, to demean and devalue my whole life because of that, when you don't know what I had to go through is atrocious.
Especially when it's coming from so called "feminists" and "activists".
You don't know my story, so stop making assumptions about it.

Lastly, I shouldn't have to explain myself. I don't owe you my private information. I don't owe you my story to justify your respect.
You should respect me as I have respected you.

I have been on the receiving end of so much verbal abuse through pages that supposedly fight oppression that my mental health was put in jeopardy. I decided to step back from any hate filled page disguising to be about equality. Maybe some of you mistake equality for revenge.

Lara.

Hashimoto

I have been fat shamed all my life. More than often by medical professionals.

For years, no one ever even considered the possibility that I wasn't fat due to my diet, but due to a health issue.

When I was 19 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto, a thyroid dysfunction.

What Hashimoto does to you is basically this: it fucks your metabolism up. Nothing works as it should. Since it is an autoimmune disease there is no cure. You can just take medication to stop it from getting worse.

You can experience hair loss, extremely dry skin, growing hair in places that you shouldn't, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, abnormal weight gain and so on. I ticked most of those boxes.

Fast forward to 2015, me being 26 years old and taking my thyroid meds.

I had to bring my meds from Greece because UK doctors wouldn't prescribe my meds for me (even though they happily prescribed opiates and antidepressants).

When I finally convinced my GP that I need my medication she prescribed the wrong amount of mg for me. And she did that on purpose. I waited for a few months and upon realising I was gaining weight for no reason (I eat healthier than most people) I went back to see her.

So, when I explained to her that she needs to change my dose she said I should see a dietician. I explained to her that I will not tolerate fat shaming and that being a vegetarian I eat extremely healthy.

She arranged for a few blood tests and an ultrasound (which may take up to a couple of months to take place). She said we could discuss the dose after I get the results back and see a dietician.

So that leaves me hanging for the next few months, not knowing how my body will react -considering I'm not taking the right amount of medication.

However, I know that if I was wealthy and I could afford a private doctor I would have been tested properly and prescribed all the right medication that I need in no time.

Apparently the price you have to pay for not being wealthy is jeopardising your health.

Wisdom Tooth Terror

Everything you wanted to know about my horrific dental experience!

(well, even if you didn't give a shit about it now you can watch my narration of it lol)

1 reason I love you

I love you because whenever I ask for pen and paper you never ask why...

Friendship

Today one word has been on my mind all day:
Friendship.

One of the noblest, the purest, the kindest forms of human relationships.

True friendship is something you can't buy nor demand.

True friendship manifests itself when two (or more) people have co-existed throughout the different trajectories of their lives loving, supporting and understanding one another.

I am extremely fortunate to have experienced true friendships in my life. I treasure each and everyone of them.

And to the beautiful souls that have gifted me their friendship, I want to say:
Thank you.

London Housing Chronicles (Part 3)

Intro

For anyone who follows my blog this isn't gonna come to you as a surprise.
You already know I'm not the luckiest person when it comes to accommodation in UK.

So last time I mentioned my housing situation I had just moved out from that horrible house to my uni halls (the posh version, since I managed to get a cheaper deal).
Time there was heavenly and I was feeling so much better. All good things must come to an end though and so did my contract, forcing me to move out and in to my other uni halls. There my room was dope, the building was shit, the people were nice, the resident assistants were pricks and thankfully I only had to live there for a month and a half. After that I went back to Greece for sometime.

When I came back I rented a room in my other uni halls (different from the previous ones). I had been warned by a friend that I should better not live there, but the rent was considerably cheap, and the location was great.

And now let's get to the main dish...

Despite all the bad rumours of these halls (people stealing from each others' rooms, people stealing food, mice running around etc) due to my finances I had no other choice but to move in.
So my flat has the shittiest structure any flat has ever had.
The kitchens (2) are on the top floor, the way toilets and showers have been placed makes no sense, there are only 2 showers and 2 baths (which cannot really be used) for 20 people...

I hated this place from the second I entered the building. But things became worse when I was moving in and within the first 30 minutes of being there one of my neighbours started telling me about all the drama that was going on. Imagine moving to a place with 19 more people and immediately being aware that people don't get along with each other. I even had to participate on a housemate meeting on my first night there, because the flatmates decided there was too much drama which needed to be resolved -which didn't happen.

The drama & The housemates

I'm not going to go into detail out of respect for people's privacy.
The sure thing is that many people don't like each other. They have done nothing to try and live together in harmony and many gave no shits for causing great discomfort to their flatmates. In less than six months we had more than six people move out and that is no coincidence. Life in this flat is extremely stressful, people love talking behind each others' backs, many flatmates are extremely pretentious, they are extremely disrespectful to their flatmates and they generally don't realise that this isn't a hippy commune nor their own house, this is Uni Halls.

During my time in this flat I had (and still have) to put up with the following:

• People leaving their unwashed dishes in the sink (even when they're away travelling outside the country) causing mountains of unwashed dishes at times, which made it impossible to use the sink
• People leaving their unwashed dishes next to the sink, leaving no space for anyone to place any other items there
• People placing dirty dishes on the drying rack
• People placing the dishes in a way that is dangerous (I almost stabbed myself a couple of times and had pans placed on the shelves fall on me)
• People not washing communal stuff that they have used 
• People leaving the kitchen in a state
• People stealing my glasses
• People stealing my food from the fridge
• People stealing my food from my cupboard
• People using my stuff and food without my permission
• People using my cutlery (which is in a cupboard) without my permission and not washing it or putting it back to its place
• People from the other kitchen leaving their shit in the kitchen I use creating unnecessary discomfort
• People leaving their shit everywhere in the kitchen, creating a mess
• People not cleaning after partying
• People partying in the kitchen late at night when they know some rooms are underneath the kitchen and the noise is unbearable
• People being extremely rude when told off about their inappropriately loud partying on top of my room
• People drunk banging on my door at 4am causing me a great deal of anxiety
• People making noise in the middle of the night in the kitchen or slamming and banging things when they know people live underneath
• People not flashing the toilet
• People not cleaning their pubic hair off the toilet
• People leaving the baths in a disgusting state
• People playing extremely loud music or watching movies at 3am, causing my whole room to tremble and ofc causing me not to sleep
• People leaving their shit in communal spaces and never picking it up
• People from past years leaving their shit all over the kitchen forcing me to have to clean and organise three cupboards to be able to have some space
• People hoarding massively in the kitchen
• People not throwing away things that have expired and are in communal spaces
• People making no effort to keep the kitchen clean, that so many times me and a couple of other housemates had to clean loads of disgusting dishes

On top of that I had to tolerate a hateful cleaning staff who not only didn't clean properly, but was also extremely rude and many times didn't clean the showers or the bathtubs at all.

The building

As if all this wasn't enough, causing me an immense amount of stress I had to deal with the following as well:

• Cracks on the wall (that were painted over and not fixed)
• Continuous sink blockage for months (making the use of the sink impossible)
• Continuous boiler problems turning the kitchen -and my room that is underneath it- into a hotbox
• Power cuts and internet issues throughout the year
• Shower and bathtub problems (including blockage and a disgusting smell)
• Major pest issues (cockroaches, spiders, mice -and mice' dead bodies underneath the oven)
• Extremely sensitive heat detectors that go off even if you're blow drying your hair 
• Ventilator issues
• Problems with the lights

In addition to all these there was insufficient communication from the Accommodation office, many times ignoring the issues/our reports or alternatively aiming at temporary fixes.

The area

In case you didn't think all this is bad enough let me tell you a few things about the area:

• There are loud police and ambulance sirens every few minutes (which unfortunately I can hear in my room since it faces the main street)
• It's one of the most dangerous areas in London, having extremely high stabbing rates
• I get catcalled all the time, and many times catcallers become verbally violent
• The entrance of my Halls is on the dodgiest dark alley 
• Many times people pee outside or next to my Halls or in general on the streets
• There are fights around the area almost every night and especially during Thursdays and the weekends it's almost impossible for me to sleep with my window open (due to the screams, bottle smashing, fights, sirens etc)

There are a few good things about the area: many shops, pubs, takeaways, restaurants, clubs, parks etc. And I'm sure I would have been able to focus on those if I didn't live on this building.

To sum up...

Nevertheless, it's always hard to focus on the positive when the negative is so overwhelming.

Worst part of all?

I got to tolerate this shit for one more year. Yes, my financial situation doesn't allow me to live somewhere else for the time being, so I had to renew my contract...

Wish me luck.

Sincerely,

Lara

Random Thoughts XXXIV

One of the hardest things in life is to embrace your imperfections and admit to your weaknesses.

However, if you want to evolve as a person, if you want to attain happiness and reach inner peace, you have to be brave and challenge yourself.

The journey of life isn't an easy one. But it can become a lot more pleasant when someone loves and improves themselves.

Good luck to all of us.

Random Thoughts XXXIII

So people need law to tell them what is wrong because without the fear of punishment people -supposedly- would just steal and kill etc (let's not mention that in today's society law is a mechanism that enforces capitalism, let's just refer to the old core of law before corruption consumed the human soul).

People also "need" religion telling them to be nice (exclude homo/trans/polyphobia, misogyny, sexism etc) because without the fear of going to hell or the fear of their soul not being saved or whatever, they'd just be assholes to each other.

I oppose both concepts.
I don't need anyone to tell me that I shouldn't kill, steal or hurt another creature.
I don't need someone to threaten me to be nice and decent.
I don't believe in law and I don't believe in religion. I do what I believe is right, always respecting myself and others.

And I call that common sense.

So, if you don't have common sense, and you need either law or religion to force you to be a decent human being, what does that make you?

Personal trainer calling fat people "repulsive"

There has been a video circulating around the internet of a personal trainer calling fat people "repulsive".

Now as a fat person myself I have a few things to say:

-You have no right to insult fat people as a whole. 
-If you find that fat people aren't aesthetically pleasing that is your personal view and your problem, so don't try to make it our problem.
-Stop concern trolling. We know you give no shits about our health and you're using it as an excuse to insult us.
-It's none of your fucking business how much we weight.
-It's not of your fucking business what and how much we eat. We're not eating your food ffs.
-Not all fat people eat unhealthily.
-Some fat people do run, go to the gym, swim etc.
-Some fat people don't exercise and it's their right not to. It's up to them, not up to you.
-Just because we're fat that doesn't give you the right to make assumptions about our lifestyle.
-Condemning people who eat unhealthily can also be classism as not everyone can afford to pay to eat healthy.
-Some people can't lose weight. Yes, they can't even if they try.
-Fat people aren't lazy. People's weight is irrelevant to them being lazy.
-Fat people owe you no explanation. The fact that you feel entitled to question us on our eating habits or lifestyle shows your thin privilege and your rudeness.
-Not every fat person wants to lose weight. And they shouldn't have to if they don't want to.
-There are fat people who love their bodies.
-You CAN be fat and happy.
-You CAN be fat and healthy.

Lastly, if you still think you have the right to insult us, or any other right on us, you can fuck off.

Females of the world

To any person who identifies as female:

-You do NOT need to get "dolled up" to be sexy, beautiful, attractive.

This phrase, "dolled up", is extremely harmful in my eyes.
Not only does it imply that you have to reach some unattainable standards of beauty (looking like a doll), but it also implies you are a doll, a toy and not a human being.
And by no means are you less of a woman if you don't get "dolled up".

-You do NOT need to fake being confident to attract anyone. It would be good to be confident for you, not for someone else. Because when you're confident you embrace your being and you feel comfortable in your own skin.

-You do NOT have to feel antagonistic towards other females. You do NOT need to be "prettier", "sexier" etc as this male dominated society forces you to believe. Plus prettiness and sexiness can be translated in different ways. Just be you and don't stress about how other people look like.

-You do NOT have to conform to that little box that patriarchy throws at you. You don't have to look a specific way, and you certainly don't have to try anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.You do NOT need to lose/gain weight, go under the knife, get botox/injections etc... You can if you want, but please do it for you not due to society's pressure on you. 

-Your femininity and how you express it is your business solely and no one has the right to dictate how it is manifested.

-You only need to do what you want to do for YOU!